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Thread: Never evah wax the hoohaaa

  1. #1
    Elite Member ana-mish-ana's Avatar
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    Feb 2008

    Default Never evah wax the hoohaaa

    Best wax horror story EVER LOL

    Never Wax Your Hoo-Ha
    All hair removal methods have tricked women with

    their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors,
    Nair and now...the wax. Read on......

    My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come
    home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
    painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing
    kit out of the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise: the
    bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot
    wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you
    peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull
    the hair right off.

    No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm
    not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA

    So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips
    facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my
    genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
    'Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my20thigh. Hold the skin
    around it tight and pull. It works!

    OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too
    bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

    I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and
    maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

    With my next wax strip I move north. After checking
    on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
    championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

    Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip
    across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my
    hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long
    strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

    I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

    Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to
    pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is
    spinning and spotted.

    I think I may pass out.....must stay
    conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe,
    breathe...OK, back to normal.

    I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the
    one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I
    want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
    I hold up the strip!

    There's no hair on it.

    Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

    Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on
    the toilet. I see the hair. The ha ir that should be on the's
    not! I touch. I am touching wax.

    I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my
    body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next
    BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I
    need to do something. So I put my foot down.

    Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

    I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure
    out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to

    My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?

    Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the
    hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered
    bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

    I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than
    that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

    Now, the only thing worse than having your nether
    regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the
    bottom of the scalding hot water.

    Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

    So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though
    I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced
    me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

    I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed
    before and has some secret of how to get me u ndone. It's a very good
    conversation starter. 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the
    bottom of the tub!'
    There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret
    tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

    She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,
    Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?'

    She's laughing out loud by now . I can hear her. I
    give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the
    YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

    While we go through various solutions. I resort to
    trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have
    your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in
    super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain
    is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going
    to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

    My friend is still talking with me when I finally
    see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
    What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub
    some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared
    the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

    IT WORKS!!

    It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my
    friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and
    then notice to my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF
    IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I
    could have amputated my own leg at this point.

    Next week I'm going to try hair color......

    That's Funny Shit: Never Wax Your Hoo-Ha

  2. #2
    Elite Member roslyntaberfan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006


    Jesus, that's hilarious!!!
    Rest in Peace my beautiful little Bonnie

    07/01/92 - 12/03/09

  3. #3
    Elite Member lisalucy69's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007


    Oh my God, that is insane!!! i laughed so hard.

    Happy trails to you...until we meet again.
    I love & miss you Dad.

  4. #4
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Feb 2007


    That is so funny!
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

  5. #5
    Elite Member sherbear905's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    NE Ohio


    Love it!!

  6. #6
    Elite Member Kittylady's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Somewhere been 'General Confusion' and 'Total WTF?'


    This thread should be renamed "Never evah try and smoke while reading this story about a disasterous hoohaaa wax". I was half way through a drag when I read about her butt being waxed shut. Big mistake. I'm now posting while purple in the face and with tears streaming from my eyes.

    But it was worth it!
    I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. Hunter S Thompson

    How big would a T-Rex wang be?! - Karistiona

  7. #7
    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    In the "D"


    Best thing I've read in a while. I waxed my armpits once before a trip to the Virgin Islands, thinking it would just be a breeze to not have to shave my pits. Well, I'd rather have to shave every day than go thru that kind of pain.
    Life is short. Break the Rules. Forgive Quickly. Kiss Slowly. Love Truly.
    Laugh Uncontrollably. And never regret ANYTHING that makes you smile.

    - Mark Twain

  8. #8
    Elite Member darksithbunny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005


    Sadist. All of you who wax your hoohaas.

  9. #9
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    fellow traveller


    those cold wax strips are useless. but she's also an idiot for melting it with her hair drier. and also for not getting her waxing done by a professional, especially if that was her first time waxing.

    i used to do all my own as well. but i started off with my legs and only when i'd mastered that did i move on to my bikini area. and i used sugar wax in a jar that you heat up and apply with a wooden spatula thingie.

    the minute i started making enough money to buy more than food and rent, i started getting my waxing done by a professional because even once you get the hang of it, it's time consuming and a pain and it's just quicker and easier to have someone else do it.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  10. #10
    Elite Member ana-mish-ana's Avatar
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    Feb 2008


    My aunt would kill me if I told this publicly - but she once glued her legs together and she tried the bathtub trick which didn't work. She was close to calling an ambulance when she managed to pry her legs apart and a lot of skin in the process. Since then she only shaves

  11. #11
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    ♥In your heart ♥


    lmao! oh my god.. I died laughing at this:
    Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the scalding hot water.

    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  12. #12
    Elite Member WhateverLolaWants's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007


    I wax myself once a year at the beginning of the summer and I could tell such a tale, lol, but probably not quite so well

    Use the hot wax, hon. The strips are terrible!

    (And vaseline breaks the wax down quicker than the crap they include in the box)
    There will be times you might leap before you look
    There'll be times you'll like the cover and that's precisely why you'll love the book
    Do it anyway

  13. #13
    Elite Member faithanne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    On the Hellmouth


    I wax my lip and eyebrows but no way would I buy those cold strips - I got a little tin of No Tweeze when I was in the States 10 years ago and it's still going strong. I use an Epilady on my legs and underarms and (after a Valium or a big fat joint) my bikini line (I'm REALLY hairy). I'm so used to it on my legs I don't even wince anymore, and I swear by it for my underarms - it's the best thing (IMO) for stopping underarm wetness. If I do it regularly enough (once a week at least) I don't sweat, and hardly need to use deodorant.

    The trick with doing legs and bikini line is to make sure the hair isn't too long - at the beginning of summer I shave my bikini line, wait until it's started growing back about half a centimeter and then use the Epilady. If you follow the instructions properly the results are as good as a professional wax.

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