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Thread: How To Tell If Your Kid Is Gay

  1. #1
    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    Default How To Tell If Your Kid Is Gay

    Parents often find themselves trying to determine if their little tomboy will end up loving the ladies, or if their Little Lord Fauntleroy will like boy-on-boy. They probably will, say scientists. What are some other signs your offspring is queer?

    According to this rundown by (gay) psychologist Jesse Bering, recent studies indicate that "gender-variant behavior" (i.e. girls who play with trucks and boys who play with dolls) is a good predictor of whether or not a child will turn out to be a practicing homosexual. Bering, who works at Queen's University (seriously) in Belfast, says that not all children who take up the stereotypical behavior of members of the opposite sex will end up wanting to go to bed with members of the same sex, but it is a good indicator.

    All this talk of "pre-homosexuals" and "sexed-type behavior" is way too scientific and complicated, so we're going to break it down for you. If your young one exhibits any of the following behaviors, he or she is going to grow up to wave the rainbow flag. But don't worry! You can look forward to having someone to go shopping with you, or help you fix your leaky roof.
    • When your son is done taking a bath, he drapes a yellow towel over his head, runs his hands through his beautiful blond hair, and informs you he'll only answer to the name "Charisse."
    • Your daughter spends more time in ballet class trying to make sure the bar is properly affixed to the wall than learning first position.
    • At your son's first tee ball practice, he asked all his teammates if they are pitchers or catchers.
    • The first thing on your daughter's Christmas list is flannel shirts. The second is a bond for college tuition. (Smith is expensive!)
    • No matter what your gay party planner friends tell you, a boy asking for Broadway legend Betty Buckley to perform at his ninth birthday party is not common at all.
    • Your daughter insists on sleeping on top of her Dora the Explorer bed spread, not under it.
    • When your daughter plays "House," she pretends to be an annoying doctor with a pill-addiction and a limp.
    • Even though it's football, if your son has an obsession with either Tom Brady or Mark Sanchez, then he's totally a 'mo. Same goes for your daughter.
    • Your son tells you he wants to dress up for Halloween like his idol, Entertainment Tonight's Mary Hart.
    • If you buy your daughter the overalls she's been asking for, you might as well just buy her the Meshell Ndegeocello CD to match.
    • Finding your son wearing his mother's high heels doesn't mean he's gay. Finding your son wearing his mother's "fiercest" high heels does.
    • Months ago, your daughter caught 5 minutes of Mad Men while you were watching it and she still asks about her "friend" Sally Draper.
    • Your kid requests a Justin Bieber haircut. This is true for children of both sexes.
    • Lacrosse is totally gay. Just sayin'.
    • If you ever voted for a homophobic Republican political candidate, your child is gay. Karma is a bitch like that.
    Your turn! What have you seen that clearly signified a child was gay?

    How to Tell If Your Kid Is Gay
    All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.


    If I wanted the government in my womb I'd fuck a Senator

  2. #2
    Elite Member Chalet's Avatar
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    Seriously - when the handsomest boy in school takes you to a party and on the ride home in the back seat he sticks his tongue all the way down your throat and you feel nothing.

    Talk about trying to prove something!

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    Elite Member VenusInFauxFurs's Avatar
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    When your daughter plays "House," she pretends to be an annoying doctor with a pill-addiction and a limp
    Clearly, I am gay.
    When your daughter plays "House," she pretends to be an annoying doctor with a pill-addiction and a limp.

  4. #4
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    ^lmfao!!!!!
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

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    Elite Member KandyKorn's Avatar
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    When I was around 6, my boy cousin received a toy truck & I got a doll for Christmas that year. Both of us were quite upset at our gifts so we traded! He carried that damn doll everywhere, much to the chagrin of his mother. I still think dolls are the most useless toys ever...it's not like you can haul dirt with them.
    I'm not quite drunk enough to really care, but is this her violation of her violation of her violation of her violation of probation or her violation of her violation of her violation of her probation????? ~MontanaMama on LL's latest arrest.

  6. #6
    Elite Member Sylkyn's Avatar
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    My youngest son loved purses. He would get all of his older sister's cast-offs, and hoard them in his room. His dad (my ex) was freaking. He carried a pink, tiger-striped one everywhere he went for at least 2 years. (I never said he had any taste! lol)

    He's almost 16 now, totally into girls, and gets mad when I bring up the purse-capades. I bet he still has them somewhere, though. lol

  7. #7
    Elite Member sweetness's Avatar
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    ^^ That's cute.

  8. #8
    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by witchcurlgirl View Post
    [*]Your kid requests a Justin Bieber haircut. This is true for children of both sexes.
    My Posts Have Won Awards. Can Any Of You Claim The Same? -ur_next_ex

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  9. #9
    Elite Member Chalet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sylkyn View Post
    My youngest son loved purses. He would get all of his older sister's cast-offs, and hoard them in his room. His dad (my ex) was freaking. He carried a pink, tiger-striped one everywhere he went for at least 2 years. (I never said he had any taste! lol)

    He's almost 16 now, totally into girls, and gets mad when I bring up the purse-capades. I bet he still has them somewhere, though. lol
    That really is so adorable.

  10. #10
    Elite Member AgentOrange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KandyKorn View Post
    When I was around 6, my boy cousin received a toy truck & I got a doll for Christmas that year. Both of us were quite upset at our gifts so we traded! He carried that damn doll everywhere, much to the chagrin of his mother. I still think dolls are the most useless toys ever...it's not like you can haul dirt with them.
    You should've held out for the BB gun!

  11. #11
    Elite Member KandyKorn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AgentOrange View Post
    You should've held out for the BB gun!
    How do you know me so well??
    I'm not quite drunk enough to really care, but is this her violation of her violation of her violation of her violation of probation or her violation of her violation of her violation of her probation????? ~MontanaMama on LL's latest arrest.

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