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Thread: Top 10 Facebook Statuses That No One Gives A S**t About

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    Elite Member celeb_2006's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Top 10 Facebook Statuses That No One Gives A S**t About

    "Top 10 Facebook Statuses That No One Gives A Shit About" by Rudy Mezzy on CollegeHumor

    10) ____= Life.
    Example: Rudy Mezzy is Starbucks=life <3333
    I just don't really understand this one to be honest. Clearly, Starbucks is not "a life", maybe for the people that work there...but a simple "I less than three Starbucks" would certainly suffice. They get better...

    9) Incorrect Grammar
    Example: Rudy Mezzy is oh my god Bill Belichick your such an idiot. Why would you go for it when theyre team had Peyton Manning?
    Wow, ok first of all before you call someone an idiot, make sure you can correctly identify them as a contraction instead of a possessive. Attend Elementary School before changing your status.

    8) How Much You Drank Last Night
    Example: Rudy Mezzy is blakd out frm jager jack vodka and shit.
    Kill yourself. If you are trying to have fun by drinking that much, and the first thing you do when you wake up from your blackout is change your facebook status...just end it. Maybe a (Your Name) does not = Life would work here.

    7) ALL CAPS
    Example: Rudy Mezzy LOST WAS AMAZZZZIIINNNNGGGG!!!! OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE THAT SHOW!!!
    I haven't used the Caps Lock key regularly since 5th grade, so either it's your favorite key, or you are going out of your way to hold Shift down for two sentences. Either way, we get it. You are annoying...calm down.

    6) Quote That Clearly Does Not Apply To Your Life
    Example: Rudy Mezzy "Love is the flower you've got to let grow."-John Lennon. So true.
    Chances are you either saw this quote on someone else's profile or status or rummaged through quote websites to find it. Either way, we don't give a shit. We don't care if your are single, in a relationship, or whatever. If you think you can compare your life to someone like John Lennon, the only thing I want to know about you is how you feel about being hidden from my news feed. Actually, no...I don't even care about that.

    5) How Little You Have Slept (editor's note: It's currently 4:21 AM)
    Example: Rudy Mezzy got 2 hours of sleep. This should be fun...
    Go back to sleep. Whatever you have to do, you delayed at least five minutes by opening Facebook, proabably checking your inbox and whatnot, reading some statuses, and then updating your own. Five minutes is usually a decent amount of sleep...if not, plan your schedule according to your sleep depravements and being a fucking adult.

    4) Countdowns
    Example: Rudy Mezzy 11 days!!
    Why would you make this known to all your friends without making it known to all your friends? What do you have a fucking secret? You getting gender reassignment? If you're gonna make us read your status at least tell us what your counting down to. This saves commenters time so they don't have to write "til' what?" or "what happens in 11 days?" or "cute profile pic".

    3) FML
    Example: Rudy Mezzy fml.
    Really? Fuck YOUR life? I don't know if you know this, but there are people that don't have computers. Yeah, you know that million dollar slice of technology sitting in front of you...yeah, some people have never even seen one. So, think next time before you want to tell everyone how horrible your life is when your Blackberry gets wet. Fucking people.

    2) Your Day
    Example: Rudy Mezzy is shower, shave, class, lunch, class, practice, dinner, homework, dancing with the stars, bed.
    If you honestly think that someone sees your status, prints it out, and runs a step by step checklist of your day...you should cancel your account. No one needs to know your 24-hour schedule. You would receive the same amount of attention as you would if you didn't update your status at all. Just add drive of cliff between "dinner" and "dancing with the stars", then people might care.

    1) Song Lyrics
    Example: Rudy Mezzy If you open up your mind. See what's inside. It's gonna take some time, to realize. But if you look inside, I'm sure you'll find. Over your shoulder you know that, I told you. I'll always be pickin' you up when you're down. So just turn around
    Chances are that if you pick a song lyric with more than 8 words, no one will read it. Also, if you pick a song lyric that someone can't identify within the first 5 words....no one will read it either. The best song lyrics to choose are short rap lyrics. Also, just like in #6, these lyrics probably don't describe your life as much as you think they do. If you quote Poker Face, make sure you know what it's about before deciding to apply it to your online poker tournaments.

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    Elite Member Air Quotes's Avatar
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    I'm quilty of having a Bela Lugosi quote as I type.
    "A true whore just loves her life." - Sluce

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    Elite Member celeb_2006's Avatar
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    I'm guilty about five of them.

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    Silver Member Doctora Pepper's Avatar
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    I don't think I've written a status update since way back in 2005 or so. I just post photos 2 or 3 times a year and respond to messages or friend requests.

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    Elite Member Butterfly's Avatar
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    I'm moving and have been bitching about packing... My friends must love me.
    ><((((º>·. ¸¸. ·´¯`·.¸¸><((((º>><((((º>`·.¸¸.··´¯`·...¸><((((º>¸.·´¯`·.. ><((((º> `·.¸¸.·´¯`·...¸><((((º>

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    Elite Member PoisonGirl's Avatar
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    I do that last one sometimes. >.> No one ever likes my status updates.

    All the ones before it piss me off.
    “You never know what's around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain.” - Tom Hiddleston

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    Hit By Ban Bus! AliceInWonderland's Avatar
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    this is true about twitter statuses too i feel like being a bitch and writing to ppl who tweet shit like this, but i dont want to start a war over someone's ego being bruised

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    Elite Member Sundance's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doctora Pepper View Post
    I don't think I've written a status update since way back in 2005 or so. I just post photos 2 or 3 times a year and respond to messages or friend requests.
    Don't really do the FB status thing either. Of course I also fucking hate FB.
    “The thing that attracts people to “The Sopranos” is the family element. It shows that America still has a longing for that traditional upbringing.” Christine O'Donnell

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    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    I hate people who fucking update their status in facebook, USING TWITTER, about where they are.

    "i'm at mcdonalds - twitter"

    WHO FUCKING GIVES A SHIT
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

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    Hit By Ban Bus! AliceInWonderland's Avatar
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    yeah or "i'm about to board my plane, waiting here at the airport" like really?! you really think anyone cares


    its sad. a sad state of affairs.

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    Elite Member Chalet's Avatar
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    *Facebook and Twitterignorant* - deliberately:

    Quote Originally Posted by Grimmlok View Post
    I hate people who fucking update their status in facebook, USING TWITTER, about where they are.

    "i'm at mcdonalds - twitter"

    WHO FUCKING GIVES A SHIT
    Quote Originally Posted by AliceInWonderland View Post
    yeah or "i'm about to board my plane, waiting here at the airport" like really?! you really think anyone cares


    its sad. a sad state of affairs.
    What are you both talking about? Or just tell me what a Status is. Why wouldn't you just use Facebook to post a message rather than Twitter a message? I don't care yet I need to know. Thank you.

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AliceInWonderland View Post
    yeah or "i'm about to board my plane, waiting here at the airport" like really?! you really think anyone cares
    i have a friend who does that. if i didn't love him dearly i would have unfriended him by now. sometimes several pdates in a few minutes, like this:
    "at the airport, waiting to check in"
    "in the lounge, waiting to board"
    "plane delayed"
    "finally boarding"

    i want to slap him. i delete him from my news feed about once a week and then put him back becase i feel bad for being such a bitch. if it were anyone else he wold have been unfriended ages ago.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Hit By Ban Bus! AliceInWonderland's Avatar
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    ^

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    Elite Member KrisNine's Avatar
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    I pretty much quit Facebook because of all the game updates and the stupid status updates.

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    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chalet View Post
    *Facebook and Twitterignorant* - deliberately:

    What are you both talking about? Or just tell me what a Status is. Why wouldn't you just use Facebook to post a message rather than Twitter a message? I don't care yet I need to know. Thank you.
    A status update bar: you can post musings, or pictures, or videos or whatever you like along with a little blurb. However, people are so lame that they've linked their twitter to post on their facebook when they're out and about. Don't ask me why.

    But it's usually "I'm at the mcdonalds on avenue and 5th" with a little linky beside it to show you a map.

    It's so fucking lame... but what a GREAT resource for a stalker.
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

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