In all my years of studying douchebaggery, never have i encountered anything like this. It's such pure and unadulterated douche that I wish I could bottle it and use just a drop of it at a time.
The back story on this is that a girl named Olga was out with her friends in the Marina district of San Francisco (known for being a popular hang out for douches), and she talked to this guy named Dmitri for all of two minutes. Then she gave him her card and said "give me a call." The above is the messages he left. Listen to the whole thing, it just keeps getting better and better. I won't even tell you my favorite parts because i don't want to ruin anything. Just listen.
LISTEN TO IT HERE:
The Douchiest Phone Message In History