E-mails from an Asshole

[L1049]

So this guy finds internet classified ads, and replies in his own special way.
I mean it's such an assholish thing to do, but at least he admits he's an asshole.

This is my favourite:

Original ad:
Looking for someone with chicken pox or shingles to expose to my two children. If you are still contagious and want to help, email or call ***-***-*****.
From Me to ************@***********.org

Hello,

I saw your ad and realized I could help. I have shingles right now, and the doctors tell me that it is still in the contagious stage. I live in South Bend. I would be able to visit your kids, or if you want to bring them to me, that works too. I took some sick days off from my job, so I am pretty much free any time.

Mike

From Jenn ******** to Me:

Mike thank you so much! I want my kids to be exposed before they have to go back to school so I would like to do this ASAP. How does tomorrow sound?

From Me to Jenn ********:

Jenn,

Tomorrow works for me. How do we do this? Do I just sneeze and cough on your kids or something?

Mike

From Jenn ******** to Me:

Hi Mike,

They should just be in your presence for a few minutes. Where in South Bend are you located? I can drive to you. Do you have a number you can be reached at?

From Me to Jenn ********:

Jenn,

I do have a phone, but I only have like 10 minutes left on my plan until September, and I need those minutes for ordering pizza. Lets just continue via e-mail. I live in LaSalle Park, are you familiar with it?

Also, it probably isn't a big deal, but I figured it is worth mentioning that I also have pulmonary tuberculosis right now. I hope this won't be a problem. It is probably better for your kids to get that out of the way too - it can be a real pain when you are older.

What time do you want to meet tomorrow?

Mike

From Jenn ******** to Me:

I don't want my kids to have TB. Thank you for trying to help but I am going to find someone else.

From Me to Jenn ********:

Jenn,

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you away with that. Pulmonary TB isn't that bad, and it is best if your kids get it over with when they are younger. You may as well knock it out at the same time as the chicken pox.

If you want, I can throw in malaria for an extra $50. My friend Tom just got back from Africa and I can have him come over and give it to your kids as well. He got all sorts of whacky diseases when he was in Africa. You might want your kids to get them too, just so they won't get them later if they ever visit Africa.

Mike

From Jenn ******** to Me:

Mike are you aware that TB and malaria don't work that way? People can't just "get it over with" those are very serious diseases.

From Me to Jenn ********:

Jenn,

I think I know how TB works, I have it (duh).

I just assumed you were one of those mothers who wanted to have sick children to attract pity and attention from others. Malaria is a great way to get pity from other moms! You'll be the most talked about mother in your neighborhood. You could brag about it to all the other mothers when they are going on about their sick kids - "*sigh* life is so hard with my husband at work, and my poor son has the flu."
"Oh yeah? Well my two kids have fucking malaria. Suck it."

You'll be the envy of your whole clique of mothers.

Please reconsider my offer.

Mike

From Jenn ******** to Me:

How rude. I want my kids to get chicken pox while they are young for the medical benefits, not for attention.

You have problems, Mike. Seek professional help immediately.

E-mails from an Asshole

[A*O]

I like this Mike dude and I think he's spot on. The dumb twat had it coming putting an Ad like that on the internet tubez.

I just assumed you were one of those mothers who wanted to have sick children to attract pity and attention from others. Malaria is a great way to get pity from other moms! You'll be the most talked about mother in your neighborhood. You could brag about it to all the other mothers when they are going on about their sick kids - "*sigh* life is so hard with my husband at work, and my poor son has the flu."
"Oh yeah? Well my two kids have fucking malaria. Suck it."

You'll be the envy of your whole clique of mothers.

[Trixie]

I like Mike!

[Mel1973]

Asshole? Hardly.
Sign me up with Team Asshole Mike - Go Assholes!

[Chilly Willy]

Lol, Mike is a hoot.

[yoyoma]

The woman is the one that needs
medical help not Mike...
She is insane!

[McJag]

Mike is right! Some of us had really bad chicken pox-high fever,all of it. No way should a child have anything but a vaccine to protect.

[Penny Lane]

What the fuck kind of mother wants their child deliberately exposed to a disease? Team Mike.

[DeChayz]

I've heard of pox parties where parents get their kids together with a kid who has chicken pox so their kids will get it over with. Never on fucking craigslist, though!

[A*O]

Yes, we had a chicken pox outbreak at my oldest's kinder (this was before the vaccine was available) and virtually all the kids and their siblings got it including mine. We didn't hold a party but we didn't quarantine the kids either because it was one of those diseases that kids need to get over and done with. A few of the parents who'd never had CP caught it from their kids and a couple of them were really, REALLY sick. It often affects adults far more seriously. Now there's a vaccine it shouldn't be a problem so I don't understand why this mother doesn't just get her kids vaccinated? She's probably a lentil hugger who doesn't believe in vaccination either.

[Chilly Willy]

They throw measles parties here. It's sick.

[darksithbunny]

Sounds like my exhusband! Boy some of the email I got from that douche!

[L1049]

The simplicity of this one

From Me to ********@gmail.com
RE: Clydesdale horse needs caring owners:

Hey there!

Your horse looks beautiful! Is he still available?

Michael Murphy
Vice President
Murphy Glue Factory, Inc.

From ********@gmail.com to Me
RE: Clydesdale horse needs caring owners:

HELL NO!!!

[Beeyotch]

I like it.