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Thread: Canada, eh?

  1. #1
    A*O
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    Default Canada, eh?

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
    1. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.
    2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
    3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
    4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
    5. Weed.

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
    1. Big rock between you and B.C.
    2. Ottawa who?
    3. Tax is 5% instead ofthe approximately 200% it is for the rest of
    the country.
    4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
    5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be
    its own country.
    6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia
    groups.

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
    1. You never run out of wheat.
    2. Your province is really easy to draw.
    3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
    4. People will assume you live on a farm.
    5. Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that!

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
    1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a
    beachfront property.
    2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
    3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
    4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
    5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
    1. You live in the centre of the universe.
    2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
    3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
    4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
    1. Racism is socially acceptable.
    2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour
    will move out next.
    3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada.
    4. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo A*#!%!"

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
    1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
    2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
    3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick.
    4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
    1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
    2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get
    drunk and wear a kilt.
    3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
    1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got
    the big, new bridge.
    2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
    3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
    4. Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."
    5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.
    6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at
    night.

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
    1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
    2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
    3. The workday is about two hours long.
    4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your
    wedding.

    Pass this along to Canadians who need a laugh and foreigners who can
    learn something about Canada and then enjoy a good chuckle.

    Let's face it: Canadians are a rare breed.

    The Officia l Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

    50 Fahrenheit (10 C)
    Californians shiver uncontrollably.
    Canadians plant gardens.

    35 Fahrenheit (1.6 C)
    Italian Cars won't start
    Canadians drive with the windows down

    32 Fahrenheit (0 C)
    American water freezes
    Canadian water gets thicker.

    0 Fahrenheit (-17.9 C)
    New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
    Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

    -60 Fahrenheit (-51 C)
    Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
    Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

    -109.9 Fahrenheit (-78.5 C)
    Carbon dioxide freezes makes dry ice.
    Canadians pull down their earflaps.

    -173 Fahrenheit (-114 C)
    Ethyl alcohol freezes.
    Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg

    -459.67 Fahrenheit (-273.15 C)
    Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
    Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"

    -500 Fahrenheit (-295 C)
    Hell freezes over.
    The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup
    I've never liked lesbianism - it leaves a bad taste in my mouth
    Dame Edna Everage

    Just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right.

  2. #2
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    *swigs his beer and nods*

    aboot right.
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  3. #3
    Elite Member aabbcc's Avatar
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    Brilliant.

    And, unfortunately, quite true. Good thing we can laugh at ourselves.

  4. #4
    Elite Member heart_leigh's Avatar
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    Puhahahahaha! Love it!
    Rock the fuck on!

  5. #5
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    Yay canadian winter!













    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  6. #6
    Elite Member C_is_for_Cookie's Avatar
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    "Canadian water gets thicker"

  7. #7
    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
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    LOL. I vacation frequently in western Canada in the summer (Alberta, BC). You have no idea how many people ask me, "Did you go skiing?"

    Uh, no. Canada has seasons too.

  8. #8
    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    I love that last picture!! Very clever of you north 'o the border folk.
    If i hear one more personal attack, i will type while drunk, then you can cry! - Bugdoll
    (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she doesn't seem to have the depth or warmth
    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

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    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    How does anyone get to work?
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

  10. #10
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    Uh, we get outside an hour early, shovel or snowblow that shit, and then drive.

    If taking public transit, you just slog through the snow till you get to your stop.

    If it's really bad and the plows haven't made it to your street yet, neighbors band together and plow a way out.

    Geez, wimpy Texans..
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  11. #11
    Elite Member heart_leigh's Avatar
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    The snow melted away last week in Winnipeg, Manitoba and now I'm waiting for the major snowfall to happen. I'm wondering if it's going to occur by Halloween. Last year was the first time in years when there was no snow for trick-or-treaters.
    Rock the fuck on!

  12. #12
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    We even have insane festivals celebrating our -40C winter! We go skating while our limbs freeze!

    We make sculptures out of snow and ice!
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  13. #13
    Elite Member L1049's Avatar
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    Is it weird that I'd love all of that snow (pics Grimm posted)? We don't get that much here in southern BC, and I love snow.
    Although if I had to deal with that much snow each year, I'd probably hate it.

    TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
    1. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.
    2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
    3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
    4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
    5. Weed.
    Make that 1 bridge. No one wants to drive on the Patullo, fucking deathtrap.

  14. #14
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    I'd rather deal with snow than 9 months of rain and drizzle
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  15. #15
    A*O
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    I still haven't figured out how to embed videos and this isn't Canada but it could be.
    YouTube - Statoil Commercial - Car Ice Scraping Gone Wrong.
    I've never liked lesbianism - it leaves a bad taste in my mouth
    Dame Edna Everage

    Just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right.

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