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Thread: Best educational children's book EVER. NSFW?

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    Elite Member Aella's Avatar
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    Default Best educational children's book EVER. NSFW?

    Since we were discussing giving kids "The Talk" in that other thread...

    '70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, Crowning



    Denmark is very socially progressive—the first country to legalize pornography and same-sex unions—so it's fitting that a Danish author, Per Holm Knudsen, wrote How a Baby Is Made, an incredibly detailed children's book that depicts penetration and crowning.


    Originally titled The True Story of How Babies are Made, the book was first published in 1973.


    This is a baby.


    This is the baby's parents, both of whom are fond of horizontal stripes.


    Mom's carpet matches the curtains.


    The father's definition of "large" seems relative, if not completely inaccurate, but the mother is OK with that, because the large ones kind of hurt anyway.


    Danish kissing is just like French kissing, minus the tongues.


    Shrinkage can be a problem for some men, but Danish kissing can take the focus away from the crotch. Magicians refer to this as "redirection."


    When parents are very much in love, they hang out together in the nude.


    Like all the time.


    And the vagina in the middle of the father's chest doesn't even freak out the mother.


    The father, however, is sometimes freaked out by the mother's see-thru belly.


    But that's no reason to put on clothes.


    After all, passionless nudity is natural.


    But when it's time to go to the hospital, the parents have to put on the clothes they removed nine months earlier.


    Because it would've been weird to drive around naked, even if they do own a hippie love van, and people in town expect that kind of thing from them.


    The mother appears unperturbed by labor pains, or the fact that her doctor has blood-drenched shoes.


    The doctor nervously grips the candlestick holder that he bought at Ikea, and prepares himself for the worst, in case the baby is evil and needs to be clubbed.


    The baby exits the vagina kind of drunk. Luckily he isn't a violent drunk, but one of those happy drunks who just wants to hug everyone in the room. The doctor feels relieved about this.


    The father, a known nudist, would like to remove his clothing like the rest of his family, but the doctor, whose behavior has been odd, won't leave the room.


    The family is happy to be at home, and the father is happy to see a breast, even though he isn't the one who gets to suck on it.


    Their friends and relatives, although happy about the baby, are not pictured here because they don't want their names or faces to be associated with any of this.


    Real talk.


    If you view this sideways, it looks like a tampon exiting a vagina, which is kind of the opposite of a sperm going into an egg. So this is like one of those optical illusion illustrations on display at the Franklin Institute.

    Jezebel - '70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, Crowning - The true story of how babies are made
    Actually, it's not too different from the book I had when I was four. I'm fairly certain the illustrations were less on crack though.
    "Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck." - Joss Whedon

    "The only thing more expensive than education is ignorance." -Benjamin Franklin

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    Elite Member msdeb's Avatar
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    Could this be my new Avi.
    Basic rule of Gossip Rocks: Don't be a dick.Tati
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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    brilliant.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member LaFolie's Avatar
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    Great comments!!

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    Elite Member Rondette's Avatar
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    OMG I remember reading/being read this. Nostalgia trip!

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    Elite Member heart_leigh's Avatar
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    I love it! I wish I had something like this growing up. The way my mom introduced me to how babies were created was by watching animal shows with them having sex. lol! If I remember correctly, two bonobos were getting it on.
    Rock the fuck on!

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    Elite Member qwerty's Avatar
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    When I was seven, I started asking the how are babies made question and my mother bought me that "Where did I come from? book by Peter Mayle. Lots of drawings with nudity but nothing like this. I remember thinking how gross sex sounded. This was the extent of my birds and bees talk. My father never went there.

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    Elite Member Honey's Avatar
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    Classic, the baby coming out is just hilarious

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    ^^^
    who knew babies came out doing jazz hands?
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member DeadDwarf's Avatar
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    I don't ever remember my parents talking to me about sex. I thought girls got pregnant when they pulled their panties up their vag and made a thong in the front. Seriously, I thought that until I was about 12 because that's what my cousin said when I was around 8.

    Then some girl told me what sex really was when I was in the 6th grade and that was how babies were really made. I was shocked because I thought people just laid on top of each other for fun while kissing, but babies were made by the vag thong. We had sex ed later that year and so I got the whole thing from school and felt so stupid that I was the only one who didn't know about sex.

    My parents were fucking wussies, I'm still pissed they didn't say anything.

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    Elite Member NicoleWasHere's Avatar
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    Poor man's hung like a tick.

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    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    ^His baby just came out of his wife's vagina with a big grin on his face; having a small pecker is the least of his problems.
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

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    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    Damn the comments about killed me.
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

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    Elite Member HelpMeRhonda's Avatar
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    "The doctor nervously grips the candlestick holder that he bought at Ikea, and prepares himself for the worst, in case the baby is evil and needs to be clubbed."

    'High, High. Yaw Both High and Smokin' Weeeed in Front of My Howse"
    Bah-Brahhh-Teen Mom

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeadDwarf View Post
    I don't ever remember my parents talking to me about sex. I thought girls got pregnant when they pulled their panties up their vag and made a thong in the front. Seriously, I thought that until I was about 12 because that's what my cousin said when I was around 8.

    Then some girl told me what sex really was when I was in the 6th grade and that was how babies were really made. I was shocked because I thought people just laid on top of each other for fun while kissing, but babies were made by the vag thong. We had sex ed later that year and so I got the whole thing from school and felt so stupid that I was the only one who didn't know about sex.

    My parents were fucking wussies, I'm still pissed they didn't say anything.
    LOL how did no one tell you about this in school before 6th grade? i found out in school first, in 2nd or 3rd grade, thanks to a particularly well-informed girl at my lunch table. went home that day with a lot of misconceptions and learned a new meaning of the word 'hump'
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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