#6 Never, ever leave flashlights, shampoo bottles, beer bottles or any long, circular object on the floor because someday you will fall on it and it will somehow, work its way up your rectum.
Well another professor of life came through last night and bestowed some wisdom on me which I'll share. No matter how annoyed you are at being incarcerated dont slash open your scrotum and shove razor blades up your urethra. Now I know, who among us hasn't thought wistfully of doing that but it turns out that it's not a good idea.
Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide the same relief as pepto bismol.
If you are going to get into a fight, and have a prosthetic eye, make sure you take it out first.....and, for safe keeping, shove it up your vagina.....the, realize that you cannot get it out and go to the ED for removal (happened to one of the guys in my residency).
If you have taken 7 home pregnancy tests that are all positive, and you come into the emergency department...chances are that test too will come back positive.