Wise rules from student doctors

moocow · February 3rd, 2006, 01:30 PM

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=67019

Great examples..

#6 Never, ever leave flashlights, shampoo bottles, beer bottles or any long, circular object on the floor because someday you will fall on it and it will somehow, work its way up your rectum.

Well another professor of life came through last night and bestowed some wisdom on me which I'll share. No matter how annoyed you are at being incarcerated dont slash open your scrotum and shove razor blades up your urethra. Now I know, who among us hasn't thought wistfully of doing that but it turns out that it's not a good idea.

Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide the same relief as pepto bismol.

If you are going to get into a fight, and have a prosthetic eye, make sure you take it out first.....and, for safe keeping, shove it up your vagina.....the, realize that you cannot get it out and go to the ED for removal (happened to one of the guys in my residency).

If you have taken 7 home pregnancy tests that are all positive, and you come into the emergency department...chances are that test too will come back positive.

UndercoverGator · February 3rd, 2006, 02:17 PM

When I was a student at Tulane some of my buddies were student doctors working on their internships at Charity. The tales they told of things shoved up orifices in the middle of the night! Everything from shot glasses to light bulbs to some smartass that had his lover fill his rectum with concrete. The last one I didn't believe until it showed up in the paper. Every Friday and Saturday night in the ER brought not just the usual assortment of stabbings, shootings and ODs but a plethora of sexually related bizarre accidents.

olivia720 · February 3rd, 2006, 08:06 PM

holy crap.

UndercoverGator · February 4th, 2006, 10:55 AM

Ewwwwwww reminds me of the "House" episode where the woman came in complaining about her contraceptive jelly and when House asked to see it she whipped out a jar of grape jelly.

twitchy · February 4th, 2006, 02:48 PM

My sister-in-law works as an emergency room nurse and told me of an older guy who came in claiming to have abdominal pains, but got real cagey when she attempted to ask for details. They ended up discovering that he had a manual can opener shoved up his rectum. "It's the same kind you guys got from IKEA!", she gleefully informed me. (She is always good for scintillating dinner-time conversation.) It's become a bit of a joke now in our household. "Honey, have you seen the can opener?" "Hmm, now where did I stick that?" I suggested that she submit it to the Rectal Foreign Bodies website at http://www.well.com/www/cynsa/newbutt.html but, I don't know if she ever did.

UndercoverGator · February 4th, 2006, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twitchy

I suggested that she submit it to the Rectal Foreign Bodies website at http://www.well.com/www/cynsa/newbutt.html but, I don't know if she ever did.

Rotten.com has a gallery of interesting stuff people shove up the old poop chute.

A*O · February 4th, 2006, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mushy

It turns out she had a dead pigeon shoved up her vagina that had been there awhile.

Eh, eh, eeeeeh.........

wakemeat630 · February 28th, 2006, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mushy

I have a brother who is a psychiatrist. When he was working at this mental hospital they could not figure out why this female patient smelled so bad. She was washed and washed, etc. etc. It turns out she had a dead pigeon shoved up her vagina that had been there awhile.
I know, sorry.

Okay...I have tried to wrap my mind around this but.......she put a dead pigeon in her mmmhmmm?? What on earth could someone possibly get out of that???

darksithbunny · February 28th, 2006, 12:26 PM

Hum....I am bored today.....guess I could go shove a dead pigeon up my vagina.........WTF????

Tiara · March 1st, 2006, 10:30 AM

Some people are seriously fucked up. I remember a story about 2 gay men. One put a hamster up his pal's arse and lit a match to see if her could see the hamster but it ignited a pocket of gas in his arse, blew the hamster into the man's face and burned the other man's arse!

Aurora · March 1st, 2006, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiara

Some people are seriously fucked up. I remember a story about 2 gay men. One put a hamster up his pal's arse and lit a match to see if her could see the hamster but it ignited a pocket of gas in his arse, blew the hamster into the man's face and burned the other man's arse!

^^ Is that a true story?! My bf sent me the link to listen to a news person telling the story on the radio and I didnt think it was true! Its freakin hilarious!

mklady · March 1st, 2006, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wakemeat630

Okay...I have tried to wrap my mind around this but.......she put a dead pigeon in her mmmhmmm?? What on earth could someone possibly get out of that???

Could be worse, nobody said whether or not the pigeon was dead when she put it up there did they?

darksithbunny · March 3rd, 2006, 10:22 PM

^^Holy shit! How painful that musta been!

loulou58 · March 4th, 2006, 06:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mushy

I have a brother who is a psychiatrist. When he was working at this mental hospital they could not figure out why this female patient smelled so bad. She was washed and washed, etc. etc. It turns out she had a dead pigeon shoved up her vagina that had been there awhile.

Why? Why, why, why, why WHY???