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Thread: Overheard in NYC

  1. #1
    Elite Member Penny Lane's Avatar
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    Default Overheard in NYC

    Overheard in New York | The Voice of the City

    Retail Therapy Soothes Even the Most Troubled Upper East Side Soul
    Upper-East-Side lady on cell: I know, but I was at a funeral all day...Yeah, it was sad, but I really didn't know him at all...This saddest thing was seeing his daughters upset. They're the same ages as--Wow! This shirt is only $19!! You can't even buy a freaking Frappuccino for $19! I'm getting it in blue.

    --Banana Republic, 86th & 3rd

    So He Broke into the Lubelski, Followed by a Vigorous Polka
    Little girl, pointing to grab holds: Look, Dad, monkey bars!
    Little boy: I wanna play on the pole! No, you can't too, this is my pole!
    Dad: Bobby, everyone can play on the pole!
    Little girl: Bobby, go back to your pole!
    Little boy: Fine! Look, Dad, I'm a pole dancer!

    --PATH train, World Trade Center

    Feminism Didn't Die, It's Living Comfortably as a Stay-at-Home Mom in White Plains
    Girl #1: I am like, totally addicted to Days of our Lives.
    Girl #2: Really?
    Girl #1: Yeah, but I am so fucked up, because this one character totally got fired and they put another guy in his place. I can't even watch him, because, you know, he's not the same guy.
    Girl #2: Really?
    Girl #1: Yeah, it's really fucked up my TV viewing schedule. I mean, what am I going to watch, one of the judge shows?
    Girl #2: Well, you could go to class or study instead....
    Girl #1: I don't need to. I'm studying to be a second wife. That girl's shoes are so cute. They would match my bag. Excuse me, where'd you get those shoes?
    Girl #3: My husband.
    Girl #1: See, class dismissed.

    --53rd St & 3rd Ave

    Wednesday One-Liners Make the Beast With Two Backs
    Conductor, angrily: Yo, stand clear o' the closing doors o' my choo-choo!

    --PATH train

    Overweight hobo: The only things I look forward to in life are mayonnaise and sex!

    --57th & 7th


    Woman on cell: When sex turns into math, you've got trouble on your hands.

    --Union Square

    Orthodox Mormons Have All the Fun
    Guy on cell: Hello?...What do you mean you have bad news?...You're pregnant? How could you be pregnant?...I thought you were on the Pill? How did this happen?!...I just got engaged to your sister on the 4th of July...This is really bad news...How long have you known?...A week?! Why did you wait a week to tell me?...Your sister is going to go through the roof...No, she doesn't come back until Monday...So, I'll see you tonight?...I told you, I just got engaged to your sister. You can't be pregnant...Okay, have a good afternoon.

    He makes another call.

    Guy on cell: Hey...You know Claire*?...Yeah, Lauren's* sister...Yeah, the hot one...Well, she's pregnant...Me!

    --46th between 5th & 6th

    But Now It's a Box of Parts on Their Way to Mexico
    Cop, taking report of stolen car: Ok, what was the color, make and model?
    Metro Guy: It's cranberry and...
    Cop: Cranberry's something you eat, son, your car was red.

    --L.I.C.

    Witty Repartee Is One of the First Things to Go When the Brain Doesn't Get Enough Glucose
    Anorexic JAP: What, you couldn't afford an entire outfit?
    Obese woman in Britney Spears get-up: What, bitch, you couldn't afford an entire meal?
    Anorexic JAP: [silence]

    --Uptown E train

    How Jared Was Shamed Into Living
    Kid on cell: I am about to kill myself because of you!
    Hobo in wheelchair: Do it! Do it! You haven't got the balls!

    --Prince between Mulberry & Mott

    Born-Again Brain Teaser
    God Squad lady: Praise Jesus! You won't be saved without Jesus! You have to start believing in Jesus to be saved! Jesus will always be there for you!
    Suit #1: Would it be so awful if we pushed her out when the doors open?
    Suit #2: No. Jesus will save her.

    --4 train

    And All the Proofreading in the World Can't Save Me
    Young man: I think you should have put LIFE and not LIVE on your sign.
    Jesus freak, holding sign reading THROUGH JESUS WILL YOU FIND ETERNAL LIVE: Oh, thank you. Have you accepted Jesus as your savior?
    Young man: No, I'm a dirty Jew. I'm going to hell.

    --42nd & 7th

  2. #2
    Hit By Ban Bus! AliceInWonderland's Avatar
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    lol

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    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    That is a funny site!
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

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    La vie en rose DitaPage*'s Avatar
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    I posted this here once before. LOVE this site! I could read it for hours and hours. Totally hilarious. One of my favourites is stuck in my brain because I can just imagine the hell.

    Train driver says on a crowded train when pulling up at the next stop : Ahhh whaddya know? More people! Welcome to the mobile sauna.

  5. #5
    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    Awesome site!!
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

  6. #6
    Elite Member chartreuse's Avatar
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    i love overheardinnewyork & overheardintheoffice. they have been some of my favorite time sucks for years now. they are seriously awesome. i still quote some of the greatest ones irl.
    white, black, puerto rican/everybody just a freakin'/good times were rollin'.


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    Elite Member chartreuse's Avatar
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    Revealed: The Nexus of All Horrifying Conversation

    Homey #1: Yo, hold up...Jesus was a virgin?! He went from 12 to 33 with nothing?
    Homey #2: Fuck that shit. He definitely got his dick sucked or buttfucked some bitches.

    --L Train, 8th Avenue


    The Drug Legalization Debate; NYC Edition

    Hobo: Look, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not hungry or sick, I just need some money so I can get high, but it's just weed, I don't do heroin or cocaine or any of that shit.
    Guy: You know, it's because of guys like you that people think pot should be illegal! Look at you! When I get high, I pay my own way! I earn my own money and get high! There are little kids on this train! What do you think they're going to learn? Man, think a little!

    --4 train


    Her People Love Fashion at a Bargain

    Older woman: Excuse me, miss?
    Younger woman: Yeah?
    Older woman: Your veil, your burqa is very beautiful. I didn't know your people were allowed to wear it in bright colors.
    Younger woman: It's not a burqa, it's a poncho. I'm Jewish. It's for the rain. I got it at TJ Maxx.

    --53rd & 7th

    Wednesday One-Liners Keep Things on Track

    Conductor: This is a Brooklyn bound B train. Like bitch.

    --B train

    Conductor: We are currently being held in the station because of some other A train fucking us all over.

    --Uptown A train
    white, black, puerto rican/everybody just a freakin'/good times were rollin'.


  8. #8
    Elite Member Penny Lane's Avatar
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    Seriously, between this site and the Texts From Last Night site I am getting 0 studying done!

  9. #9
    Elite Member Penny Lane's Avatar
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    That One's Boring -- Tell the Donkey-Punch Story Again!
    Small child, trying a Sprite: I don't like it.
    Dad: If you don't like the taste, just spit it out.
    Mom: I've heard that one before.

    --33rd & 7th

    Wednesday One-Liners Put Them on One Leg at a Time, Like Everyone Else
    Teen girl on cell: So then he wanted me to go down on him and I said, "OK." He pulls down his pants, and let me tell you, girl, I could not stop laughing.

    --Court & Atlantic, Brooklyn

    Gangstas, Inc. Soon Learned Not to Hold Public Staff Meetings
    Gangsta wannabe #1: Yo, man, I gotta get me a new Sidekick.
    Gangsta wannabe #2: Yo, you mean buy one or rob one?
    Gangsta wannabe #1: Yo, rob one, fool!
    Gangsta wannabe #2: So rob one then!
    Gangsta wannabe #1: I will soon!

    Very nervous white guy in suit right in front of them quickly slips his Sidekick into his pocket.

    --86th & 2nd

    You Think She'd Hook Up With Me?
    Sister #1: You know what Auntie Cathy* said last week? She said that, back in the 40's, Aunt Mary* was a huge slut! She said, and I quote, "She had the clap so many times it amounted to applause."
    Sister #2: And I thought the only hobby she ever had was crocheting those ugly stuffed animals.

    --Quizno's, 14th & 3rd

    The Fallacy of Insufficient Sample Size
    Guy: I was seeing her for a while, but it just wasn't working out. I guess I'm not over Jessica.
    Girl: What?
    Guy: What do you mean, what?
    Girl: I thought you were gay.
    Guy: Oh, because I'm a hairdresser. How original. Just because I'm a hairdresser you think I'm gay.
    Girl: No. I thought you were gay because when I stayed at your house four years ago I woke up and saw you fucking Matt in the ass!
    Guy: Oh my God. Matt and I have never talked about that night.

    --9th & B

    And I Did Promise to Stop Being a Weirdo
    Crazy, loud hobo on train, repeating: "Jesus" is a six letter word! "666" means the devil! So, Jesus is the devil!
    Fed-up passenger: Hey asshole, "Jesus" is 5 letters, not six!
    Crazy hobo, pensive: Well, shit, there goes my whole argument.

    --5 Train

    If Shroomers Wrote Soap Operas
    Standing dude: Yo, why are you staring at me?
    Seated girl: Oh. Never mind. From the side, you looked like this dude I went to boarding school with. But you're not. I think he's on mushrooms.
    Standing dude: I was on shrooms yesterday...
    Seated girl: Scott?
    Standing dude: Julia?
    Seated girl: Shit!

    --L Train

    That's the Last Time I Buy an Invisibility Cloak at Forever 21
    Man, almost bumping into hobo: Oh, excuse me.
    Hobo: What!? You can see me!?
    Man: Yes.
    Hobo: Fuck! My invisibility wore off!

    --120th & Amsterdam

    And Why Are You Wearing That Silly Human Suit?
    Suit to man with cat on his head: Why is there a cat on your head?
    Man with cat on his head: Why isn't there a cat on your head, douchebag?

    --Union Square

    ....
    Ad: Have Some MSG, Not an STD!
    Girl #1: Oh my god! That condom wrapper says "oriental flavor." What does that even mean?
    Girl #2, looking at litter: I think that's a Ramon noodle seasoning pouch.

    --Central Park

  10. #10
    Elite Member Penny Lane's Avatar
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    Gangstas, Inc. Still Hasn't Learned to Hold Private Staff Meetings
    Girl on train: Excuse me, don't touch my bag.
    Young thug: I am just tryin to close your zipper.
    Girl: Yeah, and then you take my wallet!
    Thug: Why you think I am gonna take yo wallet? Because I'm black?
    Girl: No, because I heard you tell your friend "I'imma steal this bitch's wallet."
    Thug: Oh.

    --A Train

    That Jerk Never Returns My Calls
    Girl #1: This whole Ben situation is really starting to piss me off.
    Girl #2: I know! I just don't know what his deal is.
    Girl #1: He called me like twelve times yesterday.
    Girl #2 (stopping in the middle of Penn Station): He called you? (pauses for a moment) Oh, you mean Ben your boyfriend, don't you?
    Girl #1: As opposed to?
    Girl #2: Ben from Lost.
    Girl #1: Don't talk to me for an hour, please.

    The Grammatical Correctness Capital Of America
    Cashier: Wow, you speak really good English. Where are you from?
    Hipster Asian dude: I'm from Tokyo and I've been taking classes since I was three so I'm really articulate and speak great English.
    Cashier: Really?
    Hipster Asian dude: Fuck no. I'm from Queens.

    --Deer Park

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