Texts from last night

[Penny Lane]

texts from last night

Some of these are hilarious.. Basically texts people sent out when drunk..

"White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss."

"you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level."

"1. i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
2: ahah at least you got away with it
1: nope...my gran was the one who informed me"

"Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low."

"1. im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
2. dude. stop pregaming the food network."

[dolem]

Is Ina always drunk??

[Chilly Willy]

"Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low."

Been there, done that.

[levitt]

I love this website!

(208): I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.

(805): she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu

[Laxmobster]

Just heard about this last week and I love it!

My favorite for the day:
(916): I hate ducks.
(916): What?
(916): they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.

[Lobelia]

Sketch?

[Penny Lane]

Squirrels are sketch as fuck. I know from experience.

"(207): I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid."

"(702): I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal."

"(404): My penis looks like a roll of pennies
(303): Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
(404): Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird..."

"(845): i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen"

"(631): If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me."

"(512): I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
(1-512): Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply"

[HelpMeRhonda]

Thank you for posting this site.. it has occupied my day.. All day.

[Karistiona]

"i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen " ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! This site is just too funny!

[msdeb]

alright, everyone of you GR peeps get off of the site, so i can look!

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[HelpMeRhonda]

(310): Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
(770): b/c u have herpes
(310): No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
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(816): She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
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(310): i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
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707): I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.

[Mel1973]

850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
(850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

You assholes, I just took the damned pictures off my window into the hall & now I'm sitting here laughing so hard I'm crying!

[Laxmobster]

For all my GR "Social" butterflies!

(254): Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.

[Sasha]

(850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
(850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

Thank you Jebus! I love this site!

[Sasha]

(507): I want your puppy
(507): I meant pussy
(612): I would rather you take my puppy

I'm dying over here!!!!!!