1. Never walk without a document in your hands

People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees
heading
for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like
they're
heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look
like
they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of
stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that
you
work longer hours than you do.

2. Use computers to look busy

Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual
observer.
You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a
blast
without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly
the
societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would
like
to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your
boss -
and you *will* get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're
teaching
yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

3. Messy desk

Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it
looks
like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents
around
your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as
today's
work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know
somebody
is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down
in an
existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4. Voice Mail

Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you
just
because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because
they
want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your
calls
through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and
it
sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know
they're
not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even
though
you're being a devious weasel.

5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed

According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look
impatient
and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always
busy.

6. Leave the office late

Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around.
You
could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but
have
no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss'
room on
your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm,
7:05am,
etc.) and during public holidays.

7. Creative Sighing for Effect

Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression
that
you are under extreme pressure.

8. Stacking Strategy

It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of
books
on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).

9. Build Vocabulary

Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new
products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses.
Remember:
They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound
impressive.

10. Have 2 Jackets

If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket
draped
over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are
still on
the premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around
elsewhere!

MOST IMPORTANT: DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!