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Thread: Uncomfortable plot summaries

  1. #1
    Elite Member Aella's Avatar
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    Default Uncomfortable plot summaries

    Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

    Posted by Dorian in cynical, movies
    • 25TH HOUR: White New Yorkers commit crimes against both law and ethics; feel bad for being caught, rather than for doing it at all.
    • 300: Gays kill blacks.
    • 8 MILE: White man successfully coopts black culture to impress other whites.
    • A CIVIL ACTION: Underqualified lawyer doesn’t listen to clients, royally botches case.
    • A CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES: Social deviants make life difficult for genius.
    • A CRY IN THE DARK: Dogs eat baby, confusion follows.
    • ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
    • AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON: Tourist causes riot.
    • ATLAS SHRUGGED: Selfish industrialist destroys economy.
    • AUNTIE MAME: Spinster exposes child to sexual fetishists, socialists; thwarts marriage to good Republican girl.
    • BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
    • BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.
    • BENJI: Family abandons beloved pet, forcing it to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
    • BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA: Redneck trucker kills Chinese immigrants.
    • BLADE RUNNER: Man with no apparent skill stumbles into escaped robots, fails to kill most, fucks one.
    • BLAKE’S 7: Terrorists fight government, die.
    • BOOGIE NIGHTS: Deformed boy goaded into life of crime.
    • BOTTLE ROCKET: Mentally unstable man fosters friend’s decent into mental instability, finds love.
    • BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S: Pretty redneck girl fools socialites, flirts with gay gigolo.
    • BREWSTER’S MILLIONS: Black man abuses line of credit.
    • BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Teenage serial killer destroys town in fit of semi-religious fervor.
    • CHANGE OF HABIT: Rock star regrets not looking closer at contract with movie studio.
    • CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.
    • CHASING AMY: Homosexuality proved to be passing fancy and sign of sexual deviance.
    • CHEERS: Alcoholic cuts lime in bar as penance for his womanizing ways.
    • CHRISTMAS VACATION: Incestuous relatives teach family the meaning of Christmas.
    • CLERKS: Aimless loser remains in dead-end job, abusive “friendship.”
    • CLOAK AND DAGGER: Spoiled teens discover drugs make them special.
    • CRANK: Drug addict spends last day in orgy of rape and violence.
    • CUJO: Family neglects to give family pet rabies shots, pays price.
    • DAREDEVIL: Blind man pisses off crime boss, gets all his girl-friends killed.
    • DARK KNIGHT RETURNS: Aging sadist corrupts, endangers minor, facilitates murder, destroys superhero comic books for 30 years.
    • DEADWOOD: Pimp and rapist charms frontier town into eventual fire-based disaster.
    • DEMOLITION MAN: In a future where crime is completely eradicated, a black man steals and murders.
    • DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
    • DIRTY HARRY: Police incompetence allows murderer to go free.
    • DOCTOR WHO: Elderly man serially abducts young women.
    • DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.
    • E.T.: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.
    • EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE: Part-time mechanic involves girlfriend in illegal fight club, risks life of best friend and endangered primate.
    • FANTASTIC FOUR: Scientist exposes friends, family to dangerous radiation to assuage ego, becomes embroiled in rivalry with former room-mate.
    • FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF: Amoral narcissist makes world dance for his amusement.
    • FIELD OF DREAMS: Schizophrenic builds ball park, almost kills girl.
    • FIGHT CLUB: Deranged sociopath guides yuppies to their deaths.
    • FIREFLY: In an analogue of the post-Civil War west, a white man on the losing side bosses around a black woman.
    • SERENITY: Men fight for possession of scantily clad mentally ill teenage girl.
    • GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.
    • GONE WITH THE WIND: Rich, white slave owner enjoys getting raped, miscarries.
    • GOOD WILL HUNTING: Underemployed genius squanders prestigious job opportunity to chase trim.
    • GREEN LANTERN: Policeman beats up his girlfriend.
    • GREMLINS: Distant father ruins son’s life, puts entire town at risk.
    • GROUNDHOG DAY: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.
    • HACKERS: Cybercriminals on revenge kick destroy innumerable jobs.
    • HAIR: Hippie dodges draft, dies ironically.
    • HALLOWEEN: Babysitter’s relationship with murderer places children in danger.
    • HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.
    • HE GOT GAME: Escaped convict attempts to embezzle only son.
    • IRON MAN: Alcoholic rich white man with technology fetish goes vigilante.
    • WAR MACHINE: Alcoholic rich white man gives weapons to black man.
    • IT: Children use horrific murders as excuse to run train on young girl.
    • JFK: Family man wastes life for nothing in crusade against homosexuals.
    • JUDGE DREDD: Fascist thug in bleak dystopia is cheered.
    • JUNO: Teen fails to get abortion, ruins lives.
    • JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.
    • KILL BILL: Irresponsible mother wants custody of her child.
    • KINDERGARTEN COP: Incompetent left in charge of children, who are eventually fired at by convicted felon.
    • KING KONG: Endangered animal stolen, shot.
    • LA CONFIDENTIAL: Rapist joins thug in foiling police corruption scheme.
    • LARS AND THE REAL GIRL: Retarded man doesn’t know what sex toy is for.
    • LASSIE COME HOME: Family abandons beloved pet, forcing it to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
    • LONE WOLF MCQUADE: Alcoholic assaults local businessman, ruins marriage.
    • LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
    • LOVE ACTUALLY: Prime Minister risks war with United States over a sexy secretary.
    • MARLEY AND ME: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.
    • MILK: Uppity queer dies.
    • MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL: British comedy troupe inadvertently creates language lab for nerds.
    • MY GIRL: Boy killed by female friend’s irresponsibility.
    • OBSERVE AND REPORT: Emotionally disturbed man gets woman drunk, rapes her.
    • OCEAN’S ELEVEN: Gang of career criminals commit act of terror to facilitate robbery and romance.
    • OF MICE AND MEN: Migrant farmer murders mentally handicapped friend.
    • PREDATOR: American military-industrial complex ruins first contact with alien life.
    • PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: Woman with gold-digging mother nags wealthy man into marriage.
    • RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: American yahoo murders soldiers and desecrates religious artifacts for money.
    • RAISING ARIZONA: Convicted felon seduces police officer in kidnapping plot.
    • RAMBO III: The United States provides arms, equipment and training to the terrorists behind 9/11.
    • RATATOUILLE: Vermin infest restaurant until it is forced to close doors.
    • RAVENOUS: Coward is seduced by cannibal, destroys army outpost.
    • RED DAWN: Despite shock-and-awe tactics, a superior occupying force is no match for a tenacious sect of terrorist insurgents.
    • RISKY BUSINESS: Privileged rich kid gets everything he wants with no consequences.
    • ROAD HOUSE: Bouncer becomes vigilante, murders local businessman with karate.
    • ROBOCOP: Female officer’s incompetence leads partner to be murdered and enslaved by corporation.
    • ROCKY: White man beats black man.
    • RUDY: Diminutive athlete patronized.
    • RUSHMORE: Teen molests teacher, is expelled. Finds love.
    • SCARFACE: Immigrant finds running his own business stressful, dangerous.
    • SCHINDLER’S LIST: Wealthy industrialist expands not-for-profit ventures.
    • SCOTT PILGRIM: Emotionally immature musician sleeps with high-school girl.
    • SE7EN: Homicide detectives unable to prevent even a single murder by admitted serial killer, killer gives cop head.
    • SILENCE OF THE LAMBS: Incompetent manipulated by several murderers, stumbles upon suspect completely by accident. Creates situation that allows serial killer to escape.
    • SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT: Redneck bootlegger makes mockery of law, sanctity of marriage.
    • SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS: Layabout stepdaughter shacks up with seven miners.
    • SOPHIE’S CHOICE: Mom loves one of her kids way more than the other one.
    • SOUTHLAND TALES: Traumitized vet destroys universe.
    • SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.
    • STAR TREK: Over-sexed officer routinely places crew in danger.
    • STAR TREK THE MOTION PICTURE: Meglomaniac can’t let go of past glory, drives successor to suicide.
    • STAR TREK III: Military officers steal vessel and destroy it to eliminate a handful of enemies while engaged on an extremely vague rescue mission.
    • STAR TREK IV: Interplanetary fugitives poach wildlife from a past age to cover up an act of genocide.
    • STAR TREK VI: Racist military commander past his prime nearly ruins galactic peace.
    • STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.
    • STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.
    • STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI: Handicapped mass murderer kills septugenarian, is lauded.
    • SUPERBAD: Boys plan date-rape, sleep together.
    • SUPERMAN RETURNS: Illegal immigrant is deadbeat dad.
    • TERMINATOR: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
    • THE CONVERSATION: Paranoid schizophrenic follows worst possible career path.
    • THE EXORCIST: Jesus trumps science.
    • THE FIRM: White lawyer learns hard work is irrelevant.
    • THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY: Nameless drifter kills American soldier over stolen money, hangs friend.
    • THE GOONIES: Physically abused, retarded man finds love with overweight preteen.
    • THE INCREDIBLE JOURNEY: Family abandons beloved pets, forcing them to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
    • THE MATRIX: Hacker is given perfect justification for mass slaughter.
    • THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS: Dangerous insurgent invades neighboring country.
    • THE OFFICE: Incompetent boss routinely endangers employees, passes fire-worthy blame, sexually harasses subordinates; is seen as “hero” compared to people who just actually work.
    • THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.
    • THE PROFESSIONAL: Hired murderer sleeps with little girl.
    • THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3: Civil servant insults and shoots foreigners.
    • THE UNTOUCHABLES: Murderer indicted on technicality.
    • THE X-MEN: Minority group seeks overthrow of social order.
    • THERE WILL BE BLOOD: Kidnapper commits murder several times.
    • TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.
    • TOP GUN: Pilot routinely endangers Air Traffic Controllers.
    • TRAINSPOTTING: Statutory rapist and junkie sifts through human waste, gets enormous sum of money.
    • TRANSPORTER: Repressed homosexual kills employers.
    • TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.
    • BREAKING DAWN: Native American guy is romantically obsessed with ex-girlfriend’s baby.
    • V FOR VENDETTA: Dystopian government overthrown by faceless conformity.
    • WALL-E: Obsolete robot disrupts big business, disrupts lives of millions of innocent civilians.
    • WATCHMEN: Homosexual destroys New York, blames God.
    • WEEKEND AT BERNIES: Two employees take advantage of their boss’ hospitality.
    • WONDER WOMAN: Princess from isolationist culture lectures Americans on equality.
    ( » Uncomfortable Plot Summaries
    "Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck." - Joss Whedon

    "The only thing more expensive than education is ignorance." -Benjamin Franklin

  2. #2
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Feb 2007


    Love it!!
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

  3. #3
    Elite Member Ravenna's Avatar
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    Mar 2007


    THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.

  4. #4
    Gold Member mella's Avatar
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    Aug 2006


    TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.

    TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.
    Love them

  5. #5
    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    Feb 2007


    ROCKY: White man beats black man
    everyone always gets this wrong, he doesn't win in Rocky....

    SOPHIE’S CHOICE: Mom loves one of her kids way more than the other one
    I love that, it was always a sick joke in our house
    All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

    If I wanted the government in my womb I'd fuck a Senator

  6. #6
    Friend of Gossip Rocks! buttmunch's Avatar
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    Oct 2005


    These are sick and funny as hell. I'm still trying to decide on my favorite, although Milk is cracking me up.
    'Those who sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither.' Ben Franklin

    "When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross."
    --Sinclair Lewis

  7. #7
    Elite Member Annika's Avatar
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    May 2008


    GONE WITH THE WIND: Rich, white slave owner enjoys getting raped, miscarries.


  8. #8
    Elite Member kingcap72's Avatar
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    May 2007
    10 miles from Pootie Tang


    BREWSTER’S MILLIONS: Black man abuses line of credit.
    LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.

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