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Thread: Women truths

  1. #1
    Gold Member moocow's Avatar
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    Talking Women truths

    WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST



    She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.





    WOMEN'S REVENGE



    "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished

    to purchase.

    As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a

    television set in her purse.

    "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

    "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

    and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."



    UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

    (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)



    I know I'm not going to understand women.

    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour

    it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be

    afraid of a spider!





    MARRIAGE SEMINAR



    While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and

    his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that

    husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

    He addressed the man,

    "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

    Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's

    Pillsbury, isn't it?



    CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.

    The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

    He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

    She directs him down the correct aisle.

    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cottonballs and a ball

    of string on the counter.

    She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some

    tampons for your wife?

    He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my

    wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,

    and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling

    papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

    So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

    ( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!





    WIFE VS. HUSBAND

    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

    neither of them wanted to concede their position.

    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked

    sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

    "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."







    W O R D S

    A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use

    a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.

    The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat

    everything to men...

    The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"



    CREATION

    A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so

    stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

    " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

    God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

    God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!







    WHO DOES WHAT

    A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the

    coffee each morning.

    The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we

    don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

    The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you

    should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my

    coffee."

    Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible

    that the man should do the coffee."

    Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him

    at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"





    The Silent Treatment

    A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving

    each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the

    next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early

    morning business flight.

    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote

    on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he

    knew she would find it.

    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and

    he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his

    wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

    The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.





    God may have created man before woman,

    but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

  2. #2
    Gold Member frazzled's Avatar
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    HILARIOUS! I loved them, moocow
    I saw a film today, oh boy.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Morrisonlver's Avatar
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    LOL! I needed a good laugh!

  4. #4
    Gold Member haggard's Avatar
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    I know I'm not going to understand women.

    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour

    it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be

    afraid of a spider!
    Thats a Jerry Seinfeld joke....
    Dramatically overdramatic

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