Shakira on Motherhood: "Nobody Told Me It Would Be This Hard"

**Sarzy** · April 25th, 2013, 04:22 AM

Scarlett - my SIL is a doctor and was told she could have the normal year paid leave and a second year unpaid. I'd never heard of people being able to have two years but apparently that was the option given to her.

**Novice** · April 25th, 2013, 04:29 AM

I think that it depends who you work for Sarzy.

**Sarzy** · April 25th, 2013, 04:52 AM

^ Yeah it must do. It seems a long time to hold a position open for someone but it's good that they do.

**Novice** · April 25th, 2013, 05:19 AM

I think that NHS trusts & the Govt are quite good like that, but I don't think that they guarantee that you nec get the "same" job back just that it's commensurate with what you had before (give of take a job share). National Govt will let anyone take a "career break" which can be a year or so (unpaid) for medical, study, or other purposes.

**Mel1973** · April 25th, 2013, 05:42 AM

Originally Posted by KrisNine

Maybe it's four months in Spain (although I thought they got a year). For me (and most I know in the US), it was six weeks at 60% of your pay. 8 weeks at 60% of your pay if you have a c-section. Plus, since your salary really isn't being paid by your company, but by the state short term disability, you usually have to pay for your benefits out of that reduced pay. Those premiums are what your company actually pays for you to have benefits, not the deduction from your paycheck. It's more like what you would pay on COBRA. Then, if you're lucky enough to live in a state like California, you can get six additional weeks at 60% and finally 12 weeks with no pay, but a guarantee that you'll get a job, not necessarily your job or your original salary, at your company. Good times!!

Originally Posted by Bellatheball

I'm fairly certain it varies from state to state. Our state does not mandate that you get paid anything. FMLA allows you to take 12 weeks while keeping your job secure but there is no mandate here that you are to be paid for it. My employer (biggest in the state) will allow you to take your vacation/sick leave during that time but if you run short, your SOL.

Every new mom is surprised at the challenges of motherhood. Calling her bf "the father" seems sort of distant. Maybe they aren't still together.

It varies with not only state but with businessess. In Texas, FMLA protects your job for 12 weeks but guarantees no pay. In 2011, I was eligible for Short Term Disability. That was based on how long I'd been with the company - I think I got 4 weeks at 100% pay, then I got 4 weeks at 80% and could have got 60% for 17 weeks. Fuck that, I can't live on 60%! And with the company I work for, 4 weeks is the maximum you will get at 100% - no matter how long you're here. The weeks you get 80% goes up 1 week for each year of "dedicated service"... *eyeroll is implied* You have to be with the company five years to get that first week at 80%. For example, if you've been with the company 1 year, you get 1 week at 100% and then you can get 24 weeks at 60%. The gist of it is that you have 26 weeks (ONLY) to get your shit together. I went back to work after 8 weeks, I honestly could have gone back earlier because these weren't my babies but... I deserved a little rest...

I was around babies my whole life and maybe there's something wrong with me but it wasn't hard. I expected worse from the whole experience starting with labor. Now, that the snowflake is going to be 15, things are harder - but STILL not as hard as I expected. And not as hard as some people painted it up to be for me. I guess watching my mom struggle with 6 kids really made me appreciative of my one.. and I damn well KNEW I didn't want no damn house full.

**sputnik** · April 25th, 2013, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by Beeyotch

Four months' maternity like everybody in the world has, huh? I don't even have kids but I bristled at this statement.

I think she might have been making a point about how the majority of the world has at least 4 months maternity leave, including developing countries in Latin America, and the USA is the one exception among developed nations that is IMO sorely lacking in this respect.

**aabbcc** · April 25th, 2013, 10:52 AM

I didn't find my babies to be particularly hard work. Actually, I think the baby years are the easy part. Just wait until the kid is a teenager with a shitty attitude or a lazy 20yo with no job still lying around at home doing nothing and then get back to me.

**czb** · April 25th, 2013, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by Mel1973

. ...

I was around babies my whole life and maybe there's something wrong with me but it wasn't hard. I expected worse from the whole experience starting with labor. Now, that the snowflake is going to be 15, things are harder - but STILL not as hard as I expected. And not as hard as some people painted it up to be for me. I guess watching my mom struggle with 6 kids really made me appreciative of my one.. and I damn well KNEW I didn't want no damn house full.

Originally Posted by aabbcc

I didn't find my babies to be particularly hard work. Actually, I think the baby years are the easy part. Just wait until the kid is a teenager with a shitty attitude or a lazy 20yo with no job still lying around at home doing nothing and then get back to me.

i'm no expert, but to me, taking care of my twins for the first four months after they were born were the hardest thing i've ever done.

it got progressively easier after that. yeah, there are times when it's hard, but overall, pretty manageable. i will probably sing a different tune when they are adolescents. and i'm sure NickiDrea will also have an opinion about this . . ..

**twitchy2.0** · April 25th, 2013, 12:30 PM

And some babies are easier than others. They have different personalities from the beginning.

**ManxMouse** · April 25th, 2013, 12:33 PM

I am employed by the state of Texas, and during my 12 weeks of maternity leave, I got exactly two benefits-- Jack and Shit.

**twitchy2.0** · April 25th, 2013, 01:06 PM

That'll teach you for being Texan!

**KrisNine** · April 25th, 2013, 01:08 PM

My daughter was pretty easy. Of course, I only have 29 months worth of experience under my belt

I will say that looking back, the first couple of months were pretty hard. Even with an easy baby and just one, not twins.

**Karistiona** · April 25th, 2013, 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by Novice

I think that NHS trusts & the Govt are quite good like that, but I don't think that they guarantee that you nec get the "same" job back just that it's commensurate with what you had before (give of take a job share). National Govt will let anyone take a "career break" which can be a year or so (unpaid) for medical, study, or other purposes.

You're quite right

when I was in local govt we did 6 months 11/12ths pay, 3 months half, then the remainder no pay.

I find it kind of horrifying that the US doesn't have something on maternity leave, how is a woman supposed to feel job security while she has a child? Totally backwards if you ask me.