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Thread: Police investigating singer Seal for sexual battery

  1. #16
    czb
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lalasnake View Post
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    If this happened like she says it did, she saw him as a friend: someone safe. It's shocking when someone you think wouldn't behave that way behaves that way. Also, some people just freeze. It's a very common reaction to sexual assault.
    if this is a common reaction, then we need to teach our daughters differently.

    if someone made unwanted advances to me, i just left. no second chances. other people are not inside my head and can't guess what i'm thinking. so that's why you need to communicate. communicate by saying No and backing it up by leaving.

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    Elite Member cherrypye's Avatar
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    Those are really good points. At 20, I was a people pleaser who wouldn’t want to hurt someone or look like a jerk for bailing. But I still can’t imagine not leaving is someone wouldn’t take no for an answer. In my late 20s, I went on a date and had waaay too much to drink. I trusted him - we worked together and I was naive.

    The guy walked me to my door, followed me into the house and thought it was a done deal. He was aggressive and I tried not to piss him off but I kept saying no. Eventually I ended up in my bedroom with the door locked, screaming for him to get out. I fell and busted my lip trying to drag my nightstand to barricade my door. I was waaaaaasted.

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    Elite Member cherrypye's Avatar
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    Hit submit too soon and it wouldn’t let me edit.

    Afterward, I looked for reasons to blame myself. Maybe I shouldn’t ha e kissed him? Maybe I shouldn’t have let him walk em to the door? The truth was he wasn’t going to take no for an answer, so I did the only thing I could which was barricading myself behind a flimsy apartment bedroom door. It would have taken nothing for him to break through and I’m so thankful that didn’t happen.

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    Elite Member sprynkles's Avatar
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    Is it a caveman thing? Why do they do this? I think I've mentioned this before but I was at a smallish party in high school and was coming out of the bathroom when this senior guy just picked me up and carried me into a bedroom and threw me on the bed. I didn't even know him. I had to to fight him off. He was nuts.
    louiswinthorpe111 likes this.

    "A massive penis means never having to say you're sorry". Mo

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    Elite Member cherrypye's Avatar
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    In my case, and probably yours, the guy was popular and really good lucking. Girls were throwing themselves at him and I'm sure he thought he was entitled. It's disgusting.
    twitchy2.0 likes this.

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    Elite Member sprynkles's Avatar
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    Oh yes, that is true.

    "A massive penis means never having to say you're sorry". Mo

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    Elite Member ConstanceSpry's Avatar
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    Whoa, that lady is 54?? Damn she looks young!

    Sorry, shallow moment, carry on!!
    twitchy2.0 likes this.
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  8. #23
    A*O
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    Side note - nice to see you cherrypie. Hope you're OK

    now, back to entitled douchbags. I just hope all these celebs being singled out as pervs get their day in court. I'm worried that the media in its lust for headlines is ignoring the Innocent Until Proven Guilty principle. As things stand an unproven accusation seems to be enough to destroy careers forever.
    emkat likes this.
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    Elite Member Trixie's Avatar
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    Eh, I'm not too concerned about it. Sure, even one accusation could harm them somewhat, but I think it's taking multiple accusations to actually destroy a career. Once a pattern is established, they're pretty much done. Unless you're the US President, of course.

    What I'm finding a bit funny (and sad) is that lately, the guys who have publicly "stood up" for women and/or worn the TimesUp buttons are the ones who are being accused. Ansari, Franco, now Seal. It seems to be encouraging women from their past to come forward to out them on their bad behavior.
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    Some of it is genuine, but some is from vengeful sistas which their alleged abusers seem powerless to refute. If they are guilty then yes, throw the book at them like that douche gymnastics doctor. But if they didn't, it shouldn't taint their lives/careers forever.
    I've never liked lesbianism - it leaves a bad taste in my mouth
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    Elite Member Trixie's Avatar
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    haha, yeah, the "vengeful sistas" have been unleashed so all those titty grabbers need to keep their mouths shut. Better to be thought of as complicit than to open your mouth in support of women because every wannabe 15 minutes of fame chick you've pressured into a blow job is gonna burn your ass now.
    Kittylady likes this.
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    Elite Member cheray's Avatar
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    Maybe Seal thought he had some sort of entitlement if a pretty blonde lady was in his house being friendly. She was too shocked to do anything after his move on her that was uninvited. Women should be able to dress how they please for their own comfort and self assurance, but I guess he took it the wrong way as men do. You crazy guys.
    Jack I swear.

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    Girls are raised to be people pleasers in ways that boys never are. Don't be rude, be polite, don't make a scene, etc. I can't tell you how many times growing up my mother told me, "Think about what people will think of you!"
    Lalasnake, Kittylady and Mrs P like this.
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    Gold Member Lalasnake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by czb View Post
    if this is a common reaction, then we need to teach our daughters differently.

    if someone made unwanted advances to me, i just left. no second chances. other people are not inside my head and can't guess what i'm thinking. so that's why you need to communicate. communicate by saying No and backing it up by leaving.
    Yes, it really is an ingrained, instinctual reaction. People forget that in addition to fight and flight there's freeze, and I've read many accounts from women saying they thought they would punch any guy that treated them like that, but they found themselves just shutting down when it actually happened to them.

    I think regular (yearly?) self-defense training would go a long way to help that, in addition to fostering a culture of honesty and forthrightness. Training girls and boys to respect the bodily autonomy of others and to stand up to people who violate that autonomy, such as the Your Moment of Truth program that resulted in a drastic reduction in sexual assault, would also go a long way to prevent it from happening in the first place.

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    czb
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lalasnake View Post
    Yes, it really is an ingrained, instinctual reaction. People forget that in addition to fight and flight there's freeze, and I've read many accounts from women saying they thought they would punch any guy that treated them like that, but they found themselves just shutting down when it actually happened to them.

    I think regular (yearly?) self-defense training would go a long way to help that, in addition to fostering a culture of honesty and forthrightness. Training girls and boys to respect the bodily autonomy of others and to stand up to people who violate that autonomy, such as the Your Moment of Truth program that resulted in a drastic reduction in sexual assault, would also go a long way to prevent it from happening in the first place.
    it may be a reaction to rape, assault, or a threat. but that's not what happened here. seal made an unwelcome pass, and instead of LEAVING she sat next to him on the couch.

    you can't have it both ways. we can't say women are capable of anything and then say that they fall apart in a situation like this. how then can we say women can take positions of stress or responsiblity? how can we say they can be CEOs, pilots, or astronauts.
    NickiDrea likes this.

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