if there wasn't a demand for this shit it wouldn't get produced. i'm shocked the show lasted past the first season. how much can be squeezed out of these people? they are not interesting. people are getting really stupid.
Pulitzer Prize winning material, I'm sure...
"I'm not allowed within 200 feet of a school. Or a Chuck-E-Cheese..." Alan - The Hangover
Snooki once told a reporter for the NY Times that she’d only read two books in her life, Dear John and Twilight. The orange wonder can add one more book to that list, because her new work of “fiction,” A Shore Thing, is out in stores today. I got a sample on iBooks and it’s just as bad as advance quotes and common sense would lead you to believe. Although Snooki told E! News she wrote the book herself, that doesn’t seem to be the case. In the acknowledgments section, she thanks her “collaborator,” writing “Thank you so much to Valerie Frankel, my collaborator, who helped translate my ideas onto the page.” The book is about a character named “Gia,” who is basically Snooki, and her cousin, who rent a “Seaside Heights beach house/dump” over the summer and try to get laid. It’s a vapid read with too many stupid details and a plot that’s lifted straight from Jersey Shore. My eyes started glazing over and my mouth was hanging open a few pages in. Here’s a segment where Gia tries to pick up a guy at a club.
A hot guido was staring at her - in a nice way - from across the room.[From Shore Thing]
Gia smiled at him. His back against the wall, he stood just off the dance floor, thumb in a belt loop. His chest muscles strained the fabric of his black tank top. It fit across a tummy that was hard and flat enough to cut salami on. No tattoos, which meant plenty of empty space on his arms to ink PROPERTY OF GIA. He started as if he could see through her dress, right down to the zebra-print bra and thong set underneath.
“I found him,” Gia said to Bella, draining her Slippery Nipple in one long suck…
Right at that moment, a Deadmau5 mix came on. He was her fave; it was a sign. She stepped onto the dance floor. The music took her over. Dancing had to be Gia’s second favorite way to work up a sweat. It definitely beat going to the gym. For exercise, Gia cranked house music in her bedroom and danced until her legs felt numb. She loved dancing and was talented, too. Gia won a contest while in high school for shaking it the longest and hardest without spilling a single drop of her vodka tonic.
Tonight, she aimed her gyrating hips straight at Salami Boy. The guy could take a hint. In two seconds, he creeped over to her. In five seconds, they were grinding, her butt pressed against his thighs.
She turned around to introduce herself. “I’m Gia,” she screamed in his ear above the music.
“Rocky,” he said, putting a bear paw on her waist and holding her against him.
Rocky in his jeans, thought Gia.
Even in the dark room, his blue eyes dazzled Gia. Ice blue. Something about light eyes on dark skin always made Gia’s body temperature rise. The music was too loud to talk, not that it mattered. Gia wasn’t interested in making a deep soul connection. Tonight was all about the three D’s: Drinking, Dancing, and Duh.
“Are you from around here?” she yelled.
“You got a nice rack,” screamed Rocky in reply.
Well, yeah, she thought. Okay, not a supergenius. That was fine. Gia didn’t judge. She was glad he approved.
“Come here,” he said, lifting her off her heels to bring her lips to his. She had to wrap her legs around his hips to stay up there. Here we go, thought Gia. Twenty minutes from club entry to hookup. This might be a record, even for her.
“Bitch, get away from him!” pealed a shrill voice from behind.
Bony fingers grabbed Gia’s shoulder and yanked her out of Rocky’s arms. She hit the floor on her heels like a cat, but then stumbled and landed on her ass embarrassingly. A few guys stared, jaws unhinged, at her sprawled on the dance floor. One started drooling.
“Oops,” she said, realizing her dress was pushed up around her waist. Full-frontal thong exposure….
Gia met the eyes of the seething blonde bimbo who’d thrown her to the floor. The girl’s arms were in battle position, ready to go. Rocky stood behind her, grinning as innocently as a choirboy.
The blonde lowered her arms suddently. “Gia friggin’ Spumanti.”
“Oh my freakin God,” said Gia. “Linda Patterson.”
It goes on, and Linda and Gia were co-captains of the cheerleading team in high school and had a falling out or something before this fated meetup in a seedy club where Gia snagged Linda’s Neanderthal boyfriend. There were plenty of lines in the excerpt that made me roll my eyes, and a couple that were funny, maybe unintentionally so.
“Trouble shouldn’t be his nickname, thought Bella. It should be tattooed on his forehead.”
“Gia said, ‘The club will not run out of tequila before I get my hair right. So shut the f*ck up‘”
“‘But we’re hot girls,’ Gia pointed out. ‘We don’t need to pay for anything.‘”
Cele|bitchy » Blog Archive » More excerpts from Snooki’s mind numbing new book
I couldn't get past 5 fucking lines of that stupid shit
I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.
'Bony fingers grabbed Gia’s shoulder and yanked her out of Rocky’s arms. She hit the floor on her heels like a cat, but then stumbled and landed on her ass embarrassingly. A few guys stared, jaws unhinged, at her sprawled on the dance floor. One started drooling.'
That was because he was severely mentally impaired, dear.
There will be times you might leap before you look
There'll be times you'll like the cover and that's precisely why you'll love the book
Do it anyway
I read all that, and it was pretty painful and cheesy. But if I go to the library one day and this is lying around, I'm picking it up. I'm just do curious.
I guess my big question would be why NOW---OTHER than the fact that the new season of Jersey Shore is coming on---I mean, why not before Xmas???? Seems odd to me. Don't publishers typically like to push books for Xmas? Especially when the show is coming on super soon AFTER Xmas???
Maybe its just me...I don't hate the girl, but cannot bring myself to read it.
Her book is like a Guido/Guidette Mills & Boon. She's only ever read Dear John and Twilight?! This broad is hysterical (and depressing).
I couldn't resist watching a few episodes of this trainwreck when it first came on the air, but I have no idea why it's STILL on and popular. It got old really fast, and I really resent these people, and how much they get paid for being absolute trashy, fugly assholes. I couldn't watch more than a minute of this fuckery now. I wouldn't put any money into this idiot's hand, the sooner they all go away, the better. I'm hoping people start losing interest soon! By the way, what is their appeal? They're dumb as shit (and not in a funny way), and all of them are incredibly ugly. I just don't GET it.
Women ain't gonna let a thing like sense fuck up their argument. - Chris Rock
I have no idea but I was just thinking, show cant last forever. Theyre in their mid to late 20s now right? Think theyll still be doing this in 10 years? If they think this kind of life will still be cool when they hit 35 theyre only fooling themselves. I doubt people would even watch it anymore.
I believe I read that "The Situation" has refused to do anymore seasons of this shit because he demands more money... This should be the last season. I think the appeal is that (like Jerry Springer's show) it makes you feel better about yourself. You watch this shit and you think: There but for the grace of God. Disgusting. Thank you, New Jersey for making Texas look better!
Kill everything... that IS the solution!
┌П┐(•_•)┌П┐twitchy molests my signature!
The Smart Bitches did a live blog review of it yesterday - I think they will continue to see how bad the romantic elements are.
Smart Bitches, Trashy Books | Romance Novel Reviews | Come for the Dominican Bitches, Stay for the Man Titty | A Shore Thing: A Live Blog and Review of Snooki’s Novel
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