Nicole Kidman's children unite - Page 3

Sweetie · July 23rd, 2008, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sluce

Not all states do it the way NC does. The judge or evaluator do not have to say anything negative about a parent to the child for the child to realize what is at stake in the proceedings. It puts a great deal of pressure on the kids and should be avoided at all costs. That's why I like working in mediation. I am thrilled when I can get both sides to agree instead of taking it through the courts.

Oh I know they don't, that's why it's NC law. That being said, I would rather my child be a "little stressed" or "feel of little tension" because a judge is asking them simple questions, over my children feeling like I just gave up on them and never want to have anything to do with them.

sluce · July 23rd, 2008, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweetie

Oh I know they don't, that's why it's NC law. That being said, I would rather my child be a "little stressed" or "feel of little tension" because a judge is asking them simple questions, over my children feeling like I just gave up on them and never want to have anything to do with them.

Agree 100%. I could never walk away without a serious fight, even if the father is a good parent too.

Sweetie · July 23rd, 2008, 10:56 AM

katerpillar · July 23rd, 2008, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweetie

^ Children don't have to know the "distress" of a custody battle. I do custody cases everyday and in no way are the children involved in battle. The parties, the attorney's and the judge are all that's needed for that.
That is a lame excuse if I have ever heard one. (Not saying that to you personally, just to people that say that a lot)

That might be the case if hostile custody battles were only waged within the walls of a courtroom.

They're teenagers. They're not going to be childishly oblivious to the whole thing or not understand what's going on. When two parents are fighting bitterly over their children, the kids are perfectly aware of what's happening and it has a terrible emotional effect on them - I saw enough of my schoolfriends suffer through nasty custody fights to know this for sure. Many of them are still pretty fucked up as adults; they're estranged one or both parents, or they have problems trusting people or becoming attached to others.

Sasha · July 23rd, 2008, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweetie

And there is one other thing that's for sure....if said party is really crazy than the non-crazy party can get a little thing called and Ex-Parte custody order which grants the non-crazy custody, therefore cutting all ties with the crazy person, until crazy person proves they are no longer crazy in front of a judge.

I wasn't really talking about someone being clinically, certifiably mentally disturbed like Britney, but jealous, possessive, controlling, etc. Jealous, possessive, controlling rich people rarely have to worry about ex-parte custody orders granting custody to their less wealthy exes. And you know that's true.

Sweetie · July 23rd, 2008, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katerpillar

That might be the case if hostile custody battles were only waged within the walls of a courtroom.

They're teenagers. They're not going to be childishly oblivious to the whole thing or not understand what's going on. When two parents are fighting bitterly over their children, the kids are perfectly aware of what's happening and it has a terrible emotional effect on them - I saw enough of my schoolfriends suffer through nasty custody fights to know this for sure. Many of them are still pretty fucked up as adults; they're estranged one or both parents, or they have problems trusting people or becoming attached to others.

Then your friends parents were morons and neither parent should have been awarded custody. Loving parents don't drag their children into a custody battle, period. They have more concern for the child's emotions then the examples you gave and that's why they are in a custody battle to begin with.
And anyone in a custody battle knows that the real war is inside the walls of a courtroom. If they are really concerned with getting their child that is the only place they speak of it, other than at their attorney's office when preparing for said case.

sluce · July 23rd, 2008, 11:10 AM

I always have my mediation clients read the book, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study. It helps them start to think long term about what their divorce will mean to them and especially to their children. I have had 2 families reunite and cancel the divorce and custody wars because they finally thought about the long term effects on all of them.

Sweetie · July 23rd, 2008, 11:12 AM

^ That is great. I may have to give that book a go so I can let my clients know that. It is always sad to see a family break up!

sluce · July 23rd, 2008, 11:16 AM

It's fabulous. It is follow up to "Second Chances; Men, Women and Children - A Decade After Divorce. The authors followed families for 10 years and then continued to the 25 year mark. The impact of the divorce on everyone involved is incredible.

Sweetie · July 23rd, 2008, 11:20 AM

^ They both sound really interesting.
I always get pissed when I have to do a divorce or a custody case.
I did a ex-parte for a girl the other day and I just about quit. The baby just turned 1 year old and the father took the baby when she was 1 month old. The mother is JUST now after 11 months fighting for custody, and of course she is saying it is all his fault and blah, blah, blah. I just don't see how any mother could let their 1 month old child not be in their arms everyday. Then you add 11 months to that?!!! Sorry, but to me that is a piece of crap mother.

sluce · July 23rd, 2008, 11:30 AM

^^ Agreed 100%. What was she so busy doing?

cherrybaby · July 23rd, 2008, 11:38 AM

Question: The Cruise-Kidman custody arrangement was originally agreed to years ago. Kidman may have agreed to an arrangement then (for whatever reason) that she now regrets. How simple/ complicated would it be to contest or reopen the custody/ visitation agreement at this point?

Sweetie · July 23rd, 2008, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sluce

^^ Agreed 100%. What was she so busy doing?

Whoring it up, I'm sure.

Sasha · July 23rd, 2008, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherrybaby

Question: The Cruise-Kidman custody arrangement was originally agreed to years ago. Kidman may have agreed to an arrangement then (for whatever reason) that she now regrets. How simple/ complicated would it be to contest or reopen the custody/ visitation agreement at this point?

Custody agreements can be modified, but there is set of criteria that must be met, having to do with whether the modifications are best for the children.

katerpillar · July 23rd, 2008, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweetie

Then your friends parents were morons and neither parent should have been awarded custody. Loving parents don't drag their children into a custody battle, period. They have more concern for the child's emotions then the examples you gave and that's why they are in a custody battle to begin with.
And anyone in a custody battle knows that the real war is inside the walls of a courtroom. If they are really concerned with getting their child that is the only place they speak of it, other than at their attorney's office when preparing for said case.

But how can one parent be sure that even if they try to keep things civil outside the courtroom, the other parent won't let it it spill out into the rest of their life and cause stress and upset for the kids? What about the other parent's family - they might behave nastily outside the courtroom, or attempt to manipulate the kids.

If Nicole tried to get full custody of Connor and Isabella, it's hard to picture Tom Cruise being mature and fair about the whole thing outside of the courtroom.