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Thread: Michelle McNamara, writer and wife of Patton Oswalt, dies suddenly at 46

  1. #136
    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aabbcc View Post
    This was me. When my children's father left, it was very important to me that they had me and a stable, happy childhood. My life was theirs. I was single until they grew up and left home, and now my time and my life are my own. That was my choice and not one that might suit everybody. My daughter recently said that when she was growing up, she appreciated the fact that I was always at home, always there for them, so it was the right choice for us.

  2. #137
    Elite Member Fly_On_TheWall's Avatar
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    Men tend to marry sooner than women when they lose a spouse. I'm happy for him. His daughter looked so happy in the picture with Merideth. Maybe they'll have a long engagement.

  3. #138
    Elite Member Beeyotch's Avatar
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    I don't know, I think as a child I might be sad to see my parent feel so lonely. If it was plain to see that companionship made my surviving parent happy, that would make me happy too. It all depends.
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    Well that escalated quickly.
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    Elite Member Novice's Avatar
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    Each to their own, I am with B & think that if the child saw the parent unhappy that would make them unhappy too.

    My bff's mom died when I was in college. Her dad re-married quite quickly (within a couple of years) to her mom's best friend. There was some (untrue) talk regarding an affair, etc. They are still married and happy, the kids love their step-mom & think that she is good for their dad.
    In contrast my ex's mom was widowed in her 50s never remarried, never even dated.
    I know who of the two appears to be happier......
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  6. #141
    Silver Member Raff's Avatar
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    My husband passed away in an accident 5 years ago at the age of 41. Our kids were aged 3 and 6 years. Looking back now I think I was in shock for those first 6 months and operating on auto pilot. I carried my grief around like a physical pain for the first two years. On top of that was supporting my kids through their grief. I couldn't imagine dating again at that time.

    Its really only been the last couple of years I have been happy to date again. Patton's timeline is unimaginable to me.

  7. #142
    Gold Member Merlot-N-Bali's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raff View Post
    My husband passed away in an accident 5 years ago at the age of 41. Our kids were aged 3 and 6 years. Looking back now I think I was in shock for those first 6 months and operating on auto pilot. I carried my grief around like a physical pain for the first two years. On top of that was supporting my kids through their grief. I couldn't imagine dating again at that time.

    Its really only been the last couple of years I have been happy to date again. Patton's timeline is unimaginable to me.


    I'm so sorry for your loss. I am nearly 2 and a half years into widowhood and some days the grief still hits me like a freight train and I'm back to square one. Although I get lonely for companionship quite often, I know for a fact I'm nowhere near ready to date again.

    I've noticed within the young widowed community, the men do tend to move on to new relationships faster than the women. Just my own observation.
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  8. #143
    Elite Member gas_chick's Avatar
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    Sorry for both of your losses and I agree with Merlot. Of course it is not always, but more times than not, a man will be remarried quite quickly. I joke that my dad will have a date at my mom's funeral but it isn't really a joke as I know he wouldn't be alone for 5 minutes.
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  9. #144
    Silver Member Raff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Merlot-N-Bali View Post


    I'm so sorry for your loss. I am nearly 2 and a half years into widowhood and some days the grief still hits me like a freight train and I'm back to square one. Although I get lonely for companionship quite often, I know for a fact I'm nowhere near ready to date again.

    I've noticed within the young widowed community, the men do tend to move on to new relationships faster than the women. Just my own observation.
    I'm sorry to hear that Merlot. I understand what you mean about the freight train. I still have those moments though I seem to pass through them easier now. I remember when it just hurt to breathe.

    I agree about young widowed men seeming to move on quicker.
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  10. #145
    Elite Member HWBL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raff View Post
    My husband passed away in an accident 5 years ago at the age of 41. Our kids were aged 3 and 6 years. Looking back now I think I was in shock for those first 6 months and operating on auto pilot. I carried my grief around like a physical pain for the first two years. On top of that was supporting my kids through their grief. I couldn't imagine dating again at that time.

    Its really only been the last couple of years I have been happy to date again. Patton's timeline is unimaginable to me.
    I believe I've read, and I don't know if this was just somebody's opinion or if it was researched, that men usually take much less time to find a new partner again. It might not be a lasting love the first time after their loss, but still, they apparently hook up quicker than women do.
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  11. #146
    Elite Member Charmed Hour's Avatar
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    There's an old adage, "when a marriage partner dies; women mourn and men replace."

  12. #147
    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    I'm also wondering if rapid remarriage among widowers also has to do with the fact that a lot of dads are not the greatest at managing the household (or doing their fair share of work around the house) and think that bringing a new partner in will patch things up. I've heard of that anecdotally multiple times but it's not based on statistics.

  13. #148
    Elite Member NoNoRehab's Avatar
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    61% of widowed men remarry within the first two years after their wife's death. The happier the original marriage the more likely it is, as the men take a positive view of marriage's benefits, don't consider it a negative and want to have it again.

    Going by social media, Meredith seems to have a good relationship with Patton's kid, so I can see him wanting to create a stable family as quickly as possible when he finds someone he loves and who will also be a good stepmom. He's seemed pretty overwhelmed as a single parent. Also, Michelle's death maybe made him realize how fleeting life is so he should just grab every chance. Best of luck to him.
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  14. #149
    Elite Member aabbcc's Avatar
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    My mother died when I was still a baby and my dad never remarried. I don't even recall him dating anyone, ever. He used to say that if I could find him a woman who would come in after he went to work, clean the house and cook dinner, and then leave by the back door as he was coming in the front door, he'd get married again. And then he would laugh and laugh. He was perfectly happy by himself. I'm the same way. I think I probably get that aspect of myself from him.
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  15. #150
    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    What woman doesn't want to be wanted for her ability to manage a house and raise someone else's kids....it's a fairy tale come true, every little girls dream.


    (That's something that would personally give me pause in a rush to remarry situation.)


    I don't mean that scenario applies here, but I've seen it often enough IRL that I would be wary if it were unfolding for me



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