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Thread: Maybe I'm part of Amy's problem: Father Mitch Winehouse comes clean

  1. #16
    Elite Member HWBL's Avatar
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    I don't give a F: sometimes parents ARE to blame, at least partially. And when a child is damaged (by parents for instance) in its formative years, in some cases it takes almost a lifetime to learn how to deal with it. I've seen it more than once. Let's face it, there are courses and requirements for just about everything but parenthood and we all know there are plenty examples of people who should never have procreated!
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  2. #17
    Elite Member Belt Up's Avatar
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    I'm 40 and at times I still acutely feel the damage that was done (unintentionally I might add) to me by my thoughless/ignorant parents. The shit that goes on in your early years forms the basis of your sense of self and provides the blueprint of how you form relationships with others, it's so deeply ingrained that it's pretty much impossible to just shrug it off and move on.
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  3. #18
    Gold Member ChloroformCasey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by azoria View Post
    This makes me furious. When do we stop blaming our failures/successes on someone else?

    Each and everyone of us makes our way through life with all the baggage that has been loaded on to us. Some people get a silver spoon from which to sip, and some people get a rotten apple to chew on.

    Each of us spends our life's worth in ways which we choose. If we choose to taunt a totalitarian government with truth, the individual will likely spend his life in jail, this is a choice. If we choose to be hedge fund traders we may become rich by stealing other people's money and futures.

    Even in the worst totalitarian regimes, there are choices. In the free-est of societies there are choices.

    Amy made her own choices according to her own off-kilter inner voices. Blame the world, blame government, blame bad parenting, blame economics, blame record executives, blame the media industry, blame drugs - Amy made bad choices. Period.

    There is no assurance that talent and intelligence will guarantee an individual makes good decisions for themselves in the circumstances they have been given.

    Beautifully and Emotionally said. I knew this girl once, that I thought was awesome. She was strong and proud and a huge success. She didn't talk much about her start in life but one day I asked her about it.

    I was surprised when she said that she didn't talk about her upbringing much because her Mom got drunk and stabbed her Dad to death. Her Mom was a coke junkie, and her dad was an abuser. They got into a fight, and that is how it ended. Dad was dead, and Mom was doing life. I had a much different upbringing, but was not as high up on the ladder yet as the lady who shared this with me.

    She told me something that stuck with me forever. She told me this:

    "You can take what bullshit you are dealt in life, and be a victim. Or you can use that knowledge to become a strong warrior".

    I never forgot that.
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  4. #19
    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    I have seen many "warriors" crack later in life under the pressure of running from what happened, rather than dealing with it. I have also seen many professional victims.
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  5. #20
    Gold Member ChloroformCasey's Avatar
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    And Sluce, maybe they do. Or maybe they don't. Maybe they continue on to be successful in life despite, and because of the roadblocks they encountered. I've seen people fail, and I've seen them fight hard. The good thing about people, is that are unique and every life experience is handled in a different way. You saw only the failures.

    The successes didn't rag on about it.
    "Like when I host a party. I hope my guests get along. But if not, how interesting!"
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  6. #21
    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
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    What you call ragging on might just be therapeutic for another. I'm just saying this because living where I do (where there is still a stigma attached to admitting issues and seeking help) I know far more "never talk about it again/if ever" folks and I would not call them the successes. Not long term anyway.

    The unresolved almost always catches up to you eventually. But quite a few manage that badassery for awhile.
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