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Thread: Kleptoskank Lindsay Lohan Nicks Bling, Evades Jail, Blames Black Kids Everywhere

  1. #3721
    Elite Member Kat Scorp's Avatar
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    This Mark Heller arsehat is giving me echoes of that other arsehat - Jose Baez.

    Pisses off the judge? Check.
    Doesn't seem to understand how the law works? Check.
    Doesn't seem to understand the trial process? Check.
    Specific image icon (pocket squares vs LV case and rabbit's foot)? Check.
    What do we want?
    EVIDENCE BASED SCIENCE
    When do we want it?
    AFTER PEER REVIEW

  2. #3722
    Elite Member Bombshell's Avatar
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    I'm getting excited. This is firming up to have some real potential.
    "Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at the bowling alley."

  3. #3723
    Elite Member dksnj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kat Scorp View Post
    This Mark Heller arsehat is giving me echoes of that other arsehat - Jose Baez.

    Pisses off the judge? Check.
    Doesn't seem to understand how the law works? Check.
    Doesn't seem to understand the trial process? Check.
    Specific image icon (pocket squares vs LV case and rabbit's foot)? Check.
    Let's hope they differ in the outcome for their clients is different
    Vera Donovan: (Dolores Claiborne) : Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.

  4. #3724
    Elite Member dksnj's Avatar
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    Charlie Sheen
    I Can Save Lindsay


    Exclusive
    Charlie Sheen wants to become Lindsay Lohan's savior, and he thinks he has the credentials and cred to do the job.

    Charlie tells TMZ, "I have a kinship with somebody [Lindsay] who clearly needs a mentor, whether she wants one or not. She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to me for some advice from a guy who's been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey."

    He adds, "If she listens, she'll win. If she doesn't, that's on her."

    You'll recall ... Charlie and Lindsay struck up a friendship while working together on "Scary Movie 5," after which Charlie cut Lindsay a $100,000 check to help with her tax problems. Lindsay's now returning the favor by appearing in an upcoming episode of "Anger Management" -- actually, that may be Charlie doing Lindsay another solid.

    Shockingly, Charlie still claims they've never hooked up, "I love her, I respect her, and I've never laid a finger on her that wasn't on film. How ya like me now, America?"

    Read more: Celebrity Gossip | Entertainment News | Celebrity News | TMZ.com
    Visit the TMZ Store: TMZ T-Shirts, Tees, Mugs, Hats, Cups, Tank Tops | TMZ Store
    Vera Donovan: (Dolores Claiborne) : Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.

  5. #3725
    Elite Member rollo's Avatar
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    Winning! For a moment there, I thought he was offering to represent her.
    sluce and stef like this.

  6. #3726
    Elite Member Novice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dksnj View Post
    Charlie Sheen I Can Save Lindsay
    Exclusive

    Charlie Sheen
    wants to become Lindsay Lohan's savior, and he thinks he has the credentials and cred to do the job.

    Charlie tells TMZ, "I have a kinship with somebody [Lindsay] who clearly needs a mentor, whether she wants one or not. She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to me for some advice from a guy who's been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey."

    He adds, "If she listens, she'll win. If she doesn't, that's on her."


    You'll recall ... Charlie and Lindsay struck up a friendship while working together on "Scary Movie 5," after which Charlie cut Lindsay a $100,000 check to help with her tax problems. Lindsay's now returning the favor by appearing in an upcoming episode of "Anger Management" -- actually, that may be Charlie doing Lindsay another solid.

    Shockingly, Charlie still claims they've never hooked up, "I love her, I respect her, and I've never laid a finger on her that wasn't on film. How ya like me now, America?"

    Read more: Celebrity Gossip | Entertainment News | Celebrity News | TMZ.com
    Visit the TMZ Store: TMZ T-Shirts, Tees, Mugs, Hats, Cups, Tank Tops | TMZ Store
    No shit Charlie!!!
    Free Charmed.

  7. #3727
    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rollo View Post
    Winning! For a moment there, I thought he was offering to represent her.
    Couldn't be any worse than than the representation she is getting from Mark Heller. LOL
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

  8. #3728
    Elite Member Sojiita's Avatar
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    Just die already bitch-we are bored/stressed/whatever and need some distraction. Get it the hell over with.

  9. #3729
    Gold Member Stereo Inferno's Avatar
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    I'm so torn between excitement at her pending jail time, yet slightly bummed that she won't be in the tabloids and GR for quite some time.

    I read this thread every day, as break time from work.
    [On Terry Richardson] "Dude is like a human version of a white, windowless van...." ~ Michael K.

  10. #3730
    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    Yeah why don't you try helping Brooke, the mother of your twins?
    BrickHouse, Lenny and Butterfly like this.
    See, Whores, we are good for something. Love, Florida
    #fingersinthebootyassbitch

  11. #3731
    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    Maybe he does. I'm sure he is the one paying for her many rehabs.
    shedevilang likes this.
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

  12. #3732
    Elite Member JadeStar70's Avatar
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    Oh stfu Charlie,....no one cares what you think. Let her crash and burn, please.

  13. #3733
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    So Charlie Sheen is a trashy Mel Gibson, who seeks to help others who share his brand of addiction and crazy. Mel has Robert Downey Jr. and Britney on his list. Sheen has Lohan and Brooke.
    CHILLY FREE!
    i have to zero the contain to your level -bugdoll
    you can't even be ogirinal - Mary

  14. #3734
    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    Monday, March 4th 2013
    UPDATE: Charlie Sheen Is Not Going To Be Lindsay Lohan's Life Coach




    Over the weekend, Charlie Sheen continued to use LiLo's name to get some free publicity by openly declaring that he wants to take LiLo under his cracked out wing and show her the way. Charlie proclaimed his love for LiLo and said that they are practically the same, because he's the kind of john who will pay a hooker $1,000 to snort a bump of coke out of his butt with her cooch and she's the kind of hooker who will snort a bump of coke out of a john's butt with her cooch for $1,000. They're soulmates. But TMZ says that LiLo is telling her friends that Charlie is not going to be her life coach and he needs to shut his damn mouth:
    Sources close to LiLo tell TMZ ... while she appreciates everything Sheen has done for her -- and he's done a lot -- she would NEVER take him as a mentor. She's saying she knows her life is "out of control," but doesn't think the precept, "It takes one to know one," is the way to go.
    She says she's grateful Charlie gave her $100k for her back taxes and supported her in "Scary Movie 5." Lindsay says she talks to Charlie from time to time ... but gripes he has no business talking about her to the media.
    According to our sources, Lindsay has been regularly meeting with a therapist and feels the consistency has helped.
    LiLo hasn't stabbed a psychic in the neck with a broken bottle in over a week and she knows being around Charlie isn't the best thing for her, so maybe this therapist (aka her week night dealer) is helping her after all. I mean, Charlie's backyard pool is filled with the bad shit, vodka pours out of every faucet in his house, his bidet shoots out liquid meth and next to every tub is a bag full of bath salts (the drug, not the skin soother) and LiLo turned all of that down. LiLo could've lived in the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory of crack houses, but she said no.
    Or maybe she had her one moment of clarity and realized that sucking on Charlie's soggy tampon dick for unlimited supplies of coke is not worth it. She'll get her own coke herself. Either way, our little crackie is growing up!

    Posted by: Michael K
    56 comments

    Charlie SheenCrackheadsDumbassesLindsay Lohan
    "AND WHEN YOU BECAME DENISE, I TOLD ALL YOUR COLLEAGUES, THOSE CLOWN COMICS, TO FIX THEIR HEARTS OR DIE."

  15. #3735
    Elite Member NVash's Avatar
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    Lindsay? Grow up? Surely you jest Michael.

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