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Thread: Kleptoskank Lindsay Lohan Nicks Bling, Evades Jail, Blames Black Kids Everywhere

  1. #3691
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    I'm sure she expects she's gonna walk like she always does.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  2. #3692
    Elite Member Fly_On_TheWall's Avatar
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    I can't believe how much in denial she is. Heck even I wised up and got sober when things were crashing down around me. How can she not see her world is crashing. Her Mother probably has something to do with it. I hope the judge makes her spend a longgg time in a rehab center.

  3. #3693
    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    Trust Michael K to break it down. Nothing really new here, but it's entertaining.

    Thursday, February 28th 2013
    Lindsay Lohan Is Still Making Wonderful Decisions




    I recognize that look on White Oprah's face. That's the "should I barf first and then pass out or should I pass out and then barf in my sleep?" face. Always go with the former, because sometimes a puddle of barf will cushion your fall.
    Lindsay Lohan obviously lied to the cops about driving her Porsche right into an 18 wheeler and she was probably drunk while doing it, but she's sticking with her best friend Delusion and claiming that she's linnocent! The prosecutors in the case offered to keep LiLo out of a jail cell if she agreed to go to rehab for 60 days and do community service in New York. LiLo's buffoon of a lawyer, Mark Heller, and the prosecutors spent part of their day yesterday working out the plea deal over the phone, but nothing came of it. Mark shook his head no to the deal and when prosecutors dropped the rehab time from 60 days to 30 days, he still shook his little head no. TMZ says that if it were only up to Mark Heller, he'd take the plea deal, but LiLo refuses to, because she thinks she doesn't have a problem and didn't do anything wrong.
    A source says that LiLo isn't going to take a plea deal, because she feels like she's accepting punishment for something she didn't do. The prosecutors don't really care if LiLo doesn't take the plea deal, because they're ready to go to trial on March 18th.
    Let's try to look at this from LiLo's blood shot, blurry eyes. If she does take a plea deal, she'll have to do the following:
    1. Sit in rehab without the paparazzi keeping her relevant by taking her picture every 45 seconds.
    2. Sit in rehab without enablers pouring free booze into her drink hole.
    3. Sit in rehab without enablers sucking on her dehydrated apricot ass lips while telling her that she's going to have the comeback of all comebacks.
    Or she can tell them to eat that plea deal and do the following instead:
    1. Put on a designer court outfit bought with a stolen credit card.
    2. Smile for the cameras as dozens of paparazzi take her picture as she strolls onto the great big stage called a court room.
    3. Become the headliner and star of TMZ's live feed from the court room.
    4. Put on her best "I'm totally going to do right this time, your honor" face while hiding her inner smirk as the judge finds her guilty and sentences her to a lifetime of doing what she's always been doing.
    5. Celebrate by doing tequila shots off her Porsche's steering wheel as she speeds down PCH!
    Hmmm...I wonder which option she's going to go with?

    Posted by: Michael K
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    DumbassesLindsay Lohan
    PrincessMoFo likes this.
    "AND WHEN YOU BECAME DENISE, I TOLD ALL YOUR COLLEAGUES, THOSE CLOWN COMICS, TO FIX THEIR HEARTS OR DIE."

  4. #3694
    Elite Member NVash's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greysfang View Post
    I'm sure she expects she's gonna walk like she always does.
    And why wouldnt she? Just like you said, she always walks.

  5. #3695
    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    #lindsayburg
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

  6. #3696
    Elite Member dksnj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dksnj View Post
    I believe there is a court hearing tomorrow. I guess if it doesn't go well, trial will begin on 3/18. Hopefully it will be live streamed. I don't know if I am more excited to see Lindsay or her lawyer.
    I just read that Lindsay doesn't have to be there today and is not expected to attend. Hopefully her lawyer will make an ass out of himself. Also, at the last hearing, the judge said she was retiring and it would be assigned to a new judge.
    Vera Donovan: (Dolores Claiborne) : Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.

  7. #3697
    Elite Member dksnj's Avatar
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    Heller is in court. Judge told him the case he cited has nothing to do with the current case. The motion to discuss should have been filed at arraignment and it wasn't. Heller didn't conform to CA law. Heller says he wasn't repping Lohan at arraignment so it isn't something he can 'cure or address'. Now Heller is using big words that sound ridiculous.

    Heller is saying he has practiced law in NY for over 44 years. He's using Holley as a scapegoat saying things weren't done when they should have been.

    Man's a fool.
    annabel, stef and rollo like this.
    Vera Donovan: (Dolores Claiborne) : Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.

  8. #3698
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    I think the Judge basically called Heller a dumbass. I think he's a smarmy blowhard.

  9. #3699
    Elite Member dksnj's Avatar
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    Heller's saying constitutional rights are universal. Judge isn't buying his bullshit. I like this new judge (James R Dabney). He's on the ball and not 'star struck'. He told Heller he raised the wrong amendment right issues and are premature. Motion to dismiss is DENIED. Judge has twice said he is concerned because he is a NY lawyer and doesn't have sufficient guidance from CA lawyers and his motions reflect that.

    Heller asked for a Motion to Continue. He is looking to schedule it for April 1. The prosecutor said City of Santa Monica is ready for March 18 and sees no reason postpone. Judge pointed out that 'the little red number on the calendar' indicates it is a holiday and Heller says 'Oh it is April Fool's Day'. Judge wasn't amused. Heller is saying the prosecutor's colleague said April 1 was fine, prosecutor is unaware of this. Heller wants it postponed 'in the interest of justice and is beneficial to his client to have the time to pursue the avenues that would benefit her'. Prosecutor said no good cause has been shown for continuance. Heller flapping his gums again. He said there seems to be some doubt as to "whether Miss Lohan is entitled to mercy & doubt because of her history with this office" LOL He wants to show she is worthy of compassion. WTF is he spewing.
    Kat Scorp likes this.
    Vera Donovan: (Dolores Claiborne) : Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.

  10. #3700
    Elite Member dksnj's Avatar
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    Judge DENIED request for continuance. Trial will start on March 18 as originally planned. Judge stated he doesn't know how two weeks postponement will show she is a good citizenship or change the history of the case.

    On the 18th one of two things will need to happen per Judge:
    Someone needs to come in to assist Heller who is effective in CA criminal law or Lohan will have to waive her rights to have a non CA lawyer defend her and waives her rights to come back and say ineffectual counsel.

    The End
    annabel, rollo and Kat Scorp like this.
    Vera Donovan: (Dolores Claiborne) : Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.

  11. #3701
    Elite Member faithanne's Avatar
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    Thanks for the updates. Heller is a dick.
    "You're going to die tomorrow, Lord Bolton. Sleep well."



  12. #3702
    Elite Member stef's Avatar
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    one of the last things the judge said was that lindsay may want to get some assistance by someone who's experienced in california law and the way he said it was priceless. he was like "if you want to be represented by an idiot, just go ahead".
    sprynkles likes this.
    "This is not meant to be at all offensive: You suffer from diarrhea of the mouth but constipation of the brain." - McJag

  13. #3703
    Elite Member dksnj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by faithanne View Post
    Thanks for the updates. Heller is a dick.
    You're welcome. Sorry about the multiple posts, but I was afraid of it getting accidentally deleted if I kept it going in one post.

    I agree with your assessment of Heller.
    Vera Donovan: (Dolores Claiborne) : Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.

  14. #3704
    Gold Member Patty Rox's Avatar
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    Did Heller leave his rabbit foot in New York? This would explain so much
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  15. #3705
    Elite Member Beeyotch's Avatar
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    Is this the only lawyer who would agreed to be paid in her only viable currency (sex)?
    southernbelle, rollo and badgers! like this.

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