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Thread: Kleptoskank Lindsay Lohan Nicks Bling, Evades Jail, Blames Black Kids Everywhere

  1. #3541
    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    Green Eggs and Hamlet is probably Lindsay's favorite novel.
    "AND WHEN YOU BECAME DENISE, I TOLD ALL YOUR COLLEAGUES, THOSE CLOWN COMICS, TO FIX THEIR HEARTS OR DIE."

  2. #3542
    Elite Member sprynkles's Avatar
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    OMG, too funny hunny!
    MsChiff likes this.

    "A massive penis means never having to say you're sorry". Mo

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    Elite Member Novice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dksnj View Post
    Wow - I guess Shawn Holley is really gone....

    Lindsay Lohan's New Lawyer
    I Got a Foodie Socialite
    To Sponsor Me!


    EXCLUSIVE

    Lindsay Lohan's new lawyer just got a sponsor which he needs to practice law in California -- but we've learned the woman who's vouching for him hasn't practiced law for at least 17 years.

    TMZ broke the story ... Lindsay fired Shawn Holley last week and hired New York attorney Mark Heller, to rep her in her lying-to-cops criminal case in L.A.. Heller can ONLY rep Lindsay if he gets a sponsor who is admitted to practice law in California, but worry not -- there are more than 200,000 to choose from.

    Then again ... Heller may have had problems finding a sponsor, because the person he got hasn't practiced law in California since 1996.

    Her name is Lindsay Berger Sacks. She was admitted to practice law in 1994 and became an inactive member of the bar 2 years later -- meaning she couldn't practice anymore.

    Berger -- who we're told is a pretty big L.A. socialite and co-founder of the Doheny Dining Club -- reactivated her membership last Friday ... we've learned it's the same day Heller filed legal docs to represent Lindsay. Heller listed Berger Sacks as his sponsor.

    It looks like Holley is out of the picture because in his legal docs, Heller is asking that Lindsay's case file be forwarded to Berger Sacks so he can get cracking on the case.

    Berger Sacks did not get back to us for comment.

    Read more: Celebrity Gossip | Entertainment News | Celebrity News | TMZ.com
    TMZ T-Shirts, Tees, Mugs, Hats, Cups, Tank Tops | TMZ Store
    I'm still confused about how that qualifies her to vouch for that NYC dude?
    Quote Originally Posted by dksnj View Post
    Shawn Holley to Judge
    Get Me Out of Lindsay's Life
    STAT!!!


    Exclusive

    Shawn Holley
    just filed legal docs asking the judge in Lindsay Lohan's latest criminal problem to let her out of the case ... and Lindsay is down with it.

    We've learned Lindsay signed Shawn's documents, which will allow Shawn out of the case and New York attorney Mark Heller to serve in her place.

    Judge Stephanie Sautner will almost certainly make the change official when Lindsay appears in court Wednesday.

    But here's a potential snag. Since Heller isn't licensed to practice in California, he needs a California lawyer to sponsor him. The lawyer who agreed to do it doesn't know Heller from Adam and thinks she's vouching for another lawyer who has worked with Heller in the past. It's possible Lindsay could be lawyerless.

    We'll be livestreaming Wednesday's hearing, so stay tuned.

    Read more: Celebrity Gossip | Entertainment News | Celebrity News | TMZ.com
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    Fruitcake!
    Quote Originally Posted by Dorahacky View Post





    A couple of the pix from her shopping trip....

    Damn, how does she keep looking worse and worse? She's got a real case of cantaloupe head in that top shot.

    ETA: Whoops, simultaneous post! Excuse the redundancy.
    Its a Lohan thread, we expect it! LOL! And thats jkust from the ubject.
    Quote Originally Posted by mostroop View Post
    It's a shame they can't lock up Dina for being such a crappy parent.
    But the other 3 kids aren't doing too bad?
    Free Charmed.

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    when your kid has 100 surgeries and becomes anorexic to model, thats a problem

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    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    She's not a model, Linds got her hooked on heroin and she's a junkie prostitute (she's in the family biz).
    If i hear one more personal attack, i will type while drunk, then you can cry! - Bugdoll
    (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she doesn't seem to have the depth or warmth
    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

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    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    We will know that Ali has made it once she gets her own black kid.
    dksnj, MsChiff, olivia and 4 others like this.
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

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    Elite Member dksnj's Avatar
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    Interesting article on Lindsay's new lawyer from 2010:

    It's long but kind of amusing to see what kind of character is repping her.


    http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/23/ny...anted=all&_r=0Mark Heller, Esq.

    Hiroko Masuike for The New York Times
    Mark Heller leaving his office in March.

    By MICHAEL WILSON and SERGE F. KOVALESKI

    Published: May 21, 2010

    A chandelier in a second-story window on East 66th Street goes dark, and the lawyer steps out of his town house. He walks toward Park Avenue and settles into an unhurried amble for nine blocks, clutching a black briefcase whose color matches his combed-back hair. He passes doormen, tourists, dog-walking ladies, joggers. His hunched shoulders and slight limp suggest a laborer joylessly shuffling toward the morning whistle — except it is 6:30 p.m. and he is wearing French cuffs.





    In this manner on a given weeknight, Mark Jay Heller, 64, arrives at a generic ninth-floor office to meet his clients: angry husbands, bitter wives, slip-and-fall victims, people who are bankrupt. It is an unorthodox routine, but there is little about the on-and-off law firm of Heller & Heller that one would call orthodox, starting with its continued existence.
    Even within the colorful, eccentric, sometimes disreputable and profane galaxy that is the New York City bar, Mr. Heller stands out for the severe thrashings he has endured and his audacious aspirations for high-profile work. He has been disparaged and roundly dressed down by clients and judges alike, called a “menace to the public,” “shockingly cavalier and abusive” and rife with “puffery” by a disciplinary panel that recommended his five-year suspension in the mid-1990s. Opposing counsel has been known to quietly suggest that his clients consider finding a new lawyer. Among his most outspoken fans is a serial killer.
    His recent celebrity cases, aspiring to the B list, play out before the cameras, Mr. Heller’s teeth bared against a tanned face. He handled Jon Gosselin’s divorce, sort of. He represented the so-called Manhattan Madam, briefly. He stood by the base-jumper who tried to parachute off the Empire State Building.
    Then there was David W. Johnson, a top aide to Gov. David A. Paterson who was accused of assaulting his companion while she was in a Halloween costume. Mr. Heller became Mr. Johnson’s lawyer and, according to a person close to the case, shared his plan to stage a news conference and unveil a “French maid” costume similar to the one the woman wore. With whiplash speed, he was fired.
    “He’ll take any side of the coin,” said Daniel C. Minc, a lawyer who has known Mr. Heller for 20 years. “He’s like a moth to a flame.”
    Mr. Heller did not respond to numerous requests for interviews. Likewise, his three children — two are lawyers — and a lawyer he has worked closely with, Peter Toumbekis, declined to talk. But in the past, he has spoken with candor about his rise as a pioneer of legal advertising in the Yellow Pages and his fall amid mismanagement and greed. The practice of Heller & Heller can be seen as two parts of the same person: “Good Mark” and “Bad Mark.”
    “I think that the ‘Good Mark’ was in operation in the earlier stages,” he said in a 1999 hearing on whether he should be reinstated to the practice of law. “And then, as time evolved, as I’ve acknowledged to you, ‘Bad Mark’ came into place.”
    MARK Jay Heller was born in 1945, the son of a prominent New York lawyer and the nephew of a judge. He would later say his father and uncle were hugely influential, “brainwashing me from an early stage to be an attorney.” He entered New York Law School in 1966 and passed the bar exam in 1969, working first with his father in Manhattan before setting up shop on his own in Mineola, on Long Island, then returning to the city.
    A watershed moment came at age 31, when he was hired by the half-sister of David Berkowitz, the infamous “Son of Sam,” who was arrested on the hot night of Aug. 10, 1977, for killing six people and wounding seven others.
    “I liked Mark,” Mr. Berkowitz said in a prison interview last month.“He was just a very easygoing guy, like a college student almost, kind of like more my age.”
    Mr. Heller clashed with other members of the defense team, and was off the case after a month. But he would return to the experience for years to come.
    Then the United States Supreme Court voided a ban on advertising by lawyers. Mr. Heller was among the first to enter the crackling-paper scrum of the Yellow Pages: “Complete Legal Services,” his ads promised, swelling to a full page in the 1980s.
    “There was, like, a taboo against legal marketing,” Mr. Minc recalled. “Mark shattered that taboo by aggressively marketing. He started in the Yellow Pages. He was basically the only one.”
    Even Mr. Heller was surprised at the response. “It had a very unusual impact on my practice and caused the volume of my work to grow considerably,” he said at the reinstatement hearing. “I think that the volume caused me to lose control of my practice, to some extent.”
    For years, he seemed to be thriving. In 1986, he bought his East 66th Street town house for $2 million. When his son, Michael, was mugged at gunpoint while in ninth grade, Mr. Heller opened a social club for teenagers. He bought other properties in the 1980s, for, as Michael Heller explained in The New York Observer in 2001, “next to nothing, because nobody wanted to buy town houses” then. He also bought a waterfront home in Southampton.
    “He always made a lot of money, but there were always people out there griping,” said Marvin Hirsch, who attended law school with Mr. Heller. “There was a cloud over him.”
    WENDY Sue Fogel, who hired Mr. Heller to represent her in a divorce in 1990, recalled him as “a smooth, charming, fast-talking lawyer” who asked for $15,000 up front.
    “He missed hearings and repeatedly did not return my calls,” Ms. Fogel said 20 years later. “And I dreaded hearing from him because he was doing nothing in my case and was verbally abusive with me.” She filed a complaint that made its way to a hearing panel of a disciplinary committee of an Appellate Division of State Supreme Court of New York. Mr. Heller urged another woman involved in a divorce case, Nereida Sorotos, to withdraw everything she had in the bank for his legal fees, telling her, “You must bring it now; time is against you.” Ms. Sorotos gave him $14,000. She, too, filed a complaint.
    A third client, Gloria Galeano, hired Mr. Heller in 1991 to represent her father, who had been arrested in Nassau County on a charge of selling cocaine. “We went to the Yellow Pages and wanted an attorney from Manhattan because we thought they are the best,” she said in an interview. “He claimed to play golf with the judge in my father’s case, and that he would pay him off.”
    Ms. Galeano, a court stenographer, said that her family paid Mr. Heller about $50,000, and her father was sentenced to five years to life in prison. Afterwards, she said, she called Mr. Heller, who told her the judge had “reneged on the deal” and hung up on her. She also filed a complaint.
    In January 1993, the departmental disciplinary committee for the Appellate Division’s First Judicial Department charged Mr. Heller with deceit, puffery, abusive treatment of clients, fee gouging, neglect and willful failure to return unearned retainers to his clients. He eventually agreed to a stipulation containing substantial admissions of professional misconduct. Eighteen of the counts against him, involving 11 clients, were sustained.
    He testified at his reinstatement hearing that he had paid back more than $70,000 to clients. He wrote an apologetic letter, saying: “I gained the insight that despite the pain, humiliation, shame and havoc to my life that my suspension from the practice of law caused me, I was surprisingly greatly enriched as a human being because I am becoming a better person and more capable of making a more meaningful contribution to society.”
    During the suspension, Mr. Heller volunteered at Lenox Hill Hospital, collecting charts and transporting patients, and at the Mary Manning Walsh Home. “I take them to a restaurant,” he testified at the hearing. “I take them to a bingo game.” But with three children in school, he needed to earn money.
    He looked around for something to do and lit on the buttons on his telephone. “I had been astounded at the success of companies like 1-800-FLOWERS and 1-800-MATTRESS,” he testified at his reinstatement hearing. He and his wife, Debra, created numbers like 1-800-MY-PLUMBER, 1-800-DENTAL-911 and 1-800-LAWYER-911. Working with the executive director of a watchdog organization, the Lawyers’ Fund for Client Protection, Mr. Heller wrote an 18-page pamphlet that his old clients might have found handy: “Avoiding Grief With a Lawyer — a Practical Guide.”
    BEFORE his reinstatement, Mr. Heller pledged to the disciplinary committee that he would eschew solo work and avoid matrimonial cases.
    He hoped to work for the firm Shandell, Blitz, Blitz, Glass, Bookson & Kern. One partner, Bert A. Blitz, had written a character reference for him as he sought reinstatement. But the firm’s partners decided against bringing Mr. Heller on board, Mr. Blitz said in an interview. Mr. Heller later became “of counsel” at Rosenberg, Minc, Falkoff & Wolff, meaning he referred a few cases to the firm and paid for a portion of their joint ad, Mr. Minc said.
    But Heller & Heller was soon back in the phone book. Indeed, in 2002, Mr. Heller sued the Yellow Book of New York, contending he had been promised exclusive rights to the back cover of the Nassau County edition. He lost.
    In 2004, Debora Wolff, a family friend, approached Mr. Heller for help with a divorce. She gave him a $35,000 retainer, she wrote later in an affidavit.
    When she fired him after six months and demanded what was left of the retainer, Mr. Heller told her it “had been exhausted,” she wrote. She sued, accusing him of ignoring her case. Her new lawyer, Karen Golden, reviewed Mr. Heller’s billings: “What struck me more than anything were the many hours — almost half of what was billed to Ms. Wolff — of time spent ‘reading,’ ‘analyzing,’ ‘organizing,’ ‘outlining,’ ‘detailing,’ ‘drafting,’ ‘preparing’ and ‘reviewing,’ ” Ms. Golden wrote in court papers.
    Mr. Heller fought back. His colleague, Mr. Toumbekis, described in an affidavit many lengthy telephone conversations with what he called a “needy” client, saying that Ms. Wolff ’s treatment for alcohol abuse put her out of touch for weeks at a time.
    In 2006, Acting Justice Gary J. Weber of State Supreme Court in Suffolk County ordered Mr. Heller to pay Ms. Wolff $35,000, plus interest, noting: “He was suspended from the practice of law for a period of five years under circumstances strikingly similar to those before the Court.”
    By then, Mr. Heller had reached out to his first famous client. “Out of nowhere he wrote me a letter just to say ‘hi,’ to tell me what was going on in his life,” Mr. Berkowitz said. “He had said I was on his mind a lot.” The rekindled acquaintance was well-timed: Mr. Berkowitz was in a dispute with another lawyer over his personal memorabilia.
    “He says, ‘It’s not my policy to really go against another attorney, but I am definitely going to help you,’ ” Mr. Berkowitz said. “His legal team put in hundreds of hours of work, and I had nothing to give them.” He called Mr. Heller a “godsend.”
    MR. Heller returned to the spotlight in 2008 when he was hired to represent Kristin Davis, the Manhattan Madam (and now a third party candidate for governor). Charged with money laundering and promoting prostitution, she was stewing at Rikers Island in lieu of $2 million in bail.
    “He gave me a big sales pitch, which included showing me articles about David Berkowitz, Puff Daddy, the base-jumper and others he had represented,” Ms. Davis said. Mr. Heller brought a theatrical flair to the case, once standing in court and ripping a copy of a prosecution filing, loudly declaring it “defective.” Ms. Davis fired him from her jail cell three months later, and later called his representation “disgraceful.”
    “Heller told me that a bail reduction was not necessary because he was going to get the case dismissed,” she said. “Every time we went to court, he is saying, ‘Kristin, we are going to get you out today.’ ”
    Ms. Davis said that about 10 days after she hired a new lawyer, she was released on a reduced bail of $400,000. She eventually pleaded guilty to promoting prostitution and was sentenced to time served in jail and five years’ probation.
    By then, she had filed a complaint against Mr. Heller, saying she had paid him $50,000 in legal fees and given him $125,000 and jewelry as collateral for her bail. Ms. Davis said he returned the jewelry only after she hired a private investigator. The disciplinary committee took no action.
    When Jonathan K. Gosselin, the father of twins and sextuplets on the reality show “Jon & Kate Plus 8,” appeared on “Larry King Live” amid the tabloid frenzy over his being photographed in nightclubs with women who were not Kate, he assured Mr. King that things were looking up. “I have a great lawyer now,” Mr. Gosselin said. “Mark Heller.”
    For the divorce case, Mr. Heller needed to gain admission to the bar in Pennsylvania, where the Gosselins lived. It is a routine process requiring that a local lawyer vouch for the outsider; Michael Marino, who is semiretired after a career that included a stint as the district attorney in Montgomery County, Pa., agreed to sponsor the stranger.
    “Here’s where I’m the jerk,” Mr. Marino said later, because he knew nothing about the case or the celebrities in it. “I don’t want to sound like a snob, but I don’t watch that kind of television.”
    Having a sponsor did not help Mr. Heller. Ms. Gosselin’s lawyers successfully challenged his appearance, saying he violated Pennsylvania’s rules requiring applicants to list every time they had been suspended, disbarred or otherwise disciplined. So at court hearings, Mr. Heller had to sit in the gallery with the rest of the onlookers.
    At the same time, Discovery Talent Services, which represents the TLC network and “Jon & Kate,” sued Mr. Gosselin in Maryland for breach of contract. Edward Sabin, chief operating officer of TLC, testified at a hearing on a motion for a preliminary injunction against Mr. Gosselin in Circuit Court in Montgomery County, Md., on Dec. 10 that Mr. Heller screamed at a TLC lawyer — “shook her up quite a bit, and hung up on her eventually.” Later, when Mr. Sabin rejected Mr. Heller’s request for Mr. Gosselin to appear on the E! Entertainment network for a “tell-all interview,” Mr. Sabin said that Mr. Heller responded “explosively.”
    “I’m going to embarrass you! You’re going to regret this!” he recalled Mr. Heller shouting.
    The judge in the case, Michael D. Mason, ruled for the network.
    Mr. Heller will turn 65 this year. At an age when many lawyers might consider packing it in, he is still shaking the trees. “Death Cases, Accident Cases, Birth Injuries,” his full-page ad in the Yellow Book proclaims. “Machine Injuries. Slip & Fall Injuries. Lead Paint Poisoning.” And: “Auto, Subway & Bus Accidents. Divorces.”
    The list goes on, offering Mark Heller’s services from cradle to grave and for every moment of hard luck along the way. Just dial 1-800-LAWYER-911.
    Vera Donovan: (Dolores Claiborne) : Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.

  8. #3548
    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
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    You know you posted that twice, right?
    Life is short. Break the Rules. Forgive Quickly. Kiss Slowly. Love Truly.
    Laugh Uncontrollably. And never regret ANYTHING that makes you smile.

    - Mark Twain

  9. #3549
    Elite Member dksnj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brookie View Post
    You know you posted that twice, right?
    crap, i kept getting a message asking if i wanted to leave the page. didn't think it posted.
    Vera Donovan: (Dolores Claiborne) : Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.

  10. #3550
    Elite Member rollo's Avatar
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    called a “menace to the public,” “shockingly cavalier and abusive” and rife with “puffery” by a disciplinary panel

    Sounds perfect for Lindsay!

    Last edited by rollo; February 3rd, 2013 at 07:59 AM. Reason: Add photo

  11. #3551
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    Couldn't put on shoes?

  12. #3552
    Elite Member faithanne's Avatar
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    WTF is going on at the back of her left thigh? I know one ugly splotch is a bruise, but I don't think I want to know what the dark brown smear is. We'll just call it fake tan and leave it at that.
    "You're going to die tomorrow, Lord Bolton. Sleep well."



  13. #3553
    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
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    Funny, she doesn't look ill to me. Just fugly.
    Life is short. Break the Rules. Forgive Quickly. Kiss Slowly. Love Truly.
    Laugh Uncontrollably. And never regret ANYTHING that makes you smile.

    - Mark Twain

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    Gold Member Stereo Inferno's Avatar
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    http://rumorfix.com/2013/02/exclusiv...-ban-thats-bs/


    Exclusive: Dina Lohan On Lindsay Lohan Hotel Ban: “That’s BS”

    Posted on February 3rd, 2013 at 8:55 am






    Lindsay Lohan’s mom, Dina Lohan, denies that they were turned away from two hotels early Wednesday morning even though paparazzi video shows otherwise.In an exclusive interview with RumorFix, the age-defying mom says, “That’s such BS.”
    She brags, “We’re at the Beverly Hills Hotel!”
    The 50-year-old MILF, who was wearing a leather jacket given to her by Lindsay, says her daughter is doing great.
    It should be noted that the Sultan of Brunei owns the Beverly Hills Hotel. And, it was the Sultan’s son, Prince Haji Abdul Azim, who is rumored to have paid Lindsay $100,000 to attend his New Year’s Eve party in London.
    Last edited by Stereo Inferno; February 4th, 2013 at 04:33 AM.
    [On Terry Richardson] "Dude is like a human version of a white, windowless van...." ~ Michael K.

  15. #3555
    Gold Member dilligaf's Avatar
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    I am creeped out by Dina's hands in that jacket.

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