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Thread: Kleptoskank Lindsay Lohan Nicks Bling, Evades Jail, Blames Black Kids Everywhere

  1. #3496
    Elite Member msdeb's Avatar
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    what a schmoozing schmuck this lawyer is. And Linds looks like shit. i'm loving it.
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    Basic rule of Gossip Rocks: Don't be a dick.Tati
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  2. #3497
    Elite Member sprynkles's Avatar
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    That lawyer was too funny. Like something right off a bad lawyer drama.
    I bet DinA is screwing him for this. And old Linds looked super old and bad.
    The end.
    Honeythorn likes this.

    "A massive penis means never having to say you're sorry". Mo

  3. #3498
    Elite Member dksnj's Avatar
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    Now he's about to give a press conference.

    Shawn probably has a big ol' bag of popcorn & laughing her ass off.
    Vera Donovan: (Dolores Claiborne) : Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.

  4. #3499
    Elite Member KrisNine's Avatar
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    My GOD, her face is a fucking mess.

  5. #3500
    Elite Member JadeStar70's Avatar
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    Why has there been yet ANOTHER court date assigned????? Can't they finish up ANY of the past shit she has done and just sentence her ass for it???? God knows she has broken every rule, guideline and boundary set down for her,.....end the fuckin' madness already, fuckers!!!!!

  6. #3501
    Elite Member rollo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brookie View Post
    If you live in LA, why do you need to check into a hotel?

    Edited to add: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
    Especially if you could stay with Daddy or SamRo!

    Anyway ... I know the bloat is booze obvs. but bulimia as well?

  7. #3502
    Elite Member CornFlakegrl's Avatar
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    What was the point of today? So they could schedule another court date?

  8. #3503
    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    I'm still laughing that she got turned away from Shutters on the Beach. As if.


    Wednesday, January 30th 2013

    Lindsay Lohan Didn't Go To Jail Today




    If you're throwing hate at Lindsay Lohan's bloated balloon face, then as a friend I need to tell you that you're obviously just jealous, because you wish you were getting derpy on red Sharpie fumes this morning.
    LiLo showed up to court this morning and faced her longtime court room rival Judge Stephanie. Not much happened today, though. LiLo pretended to be sick by checking her face for a temperature every now and again and Judge Stephanie gave me an all-natural organic high when she sarcastically said, "I'm glad to see you're feeling better." The hearing was mostly a meeting for LiLo to confirm that she's a certified dim dumb ho for firing Shawn Holley and hiring Mark Heller. But you know, I'm glad that LiLo has Mark Heller for a lawyer now. Two messes belong together.
    I am so happy that Willow Ufgood retired from his job as a baby-saving sorcerer, moved to New York, got a haircut, changed his name to Mark Heller and received his law degree online from the University of Phoenix, because he is gold. For such a little man, he brings a whole lot of fuckery. Mark practically crawled up Judge Stephanie's culo by telling her what an honor it is to stand before her, because she used to be a New York detective and he really respects her. Judge Stephanie wasn't licking the sugar that Mark was spewing out and when he told her that LiLo's upper respiratory infection was the flu, she shot back with something like, "No, an upper respiratory infection is not the flu." I love Judge Stephanie and I love Counselor Willow.
    You can tell that Counselor Willow was ready for some serious business when he came to court today. Just look at his fancy Louis Vuitton briefcase and that rabbit foot good luck charm. He was ready to play.
    And Judge Stephanie set LiLo's next hearing for early March. Judge Stephanie is retiring next month so she won't face LiLo and Counselor Willow again. Let's all join hands and use the power of prayer to get the court to assign Judge Judy to the case.
    A Judge Judy vs. Counselor Willow and LiLo showdown is just what 2013 needs.



    Splash




    Posted by: Michael K
    131 comments

    DUHLindsay LohanSmall OnesYour Lips Scare Me
    "AND WHEN YOU BECAME DENISE, I TOLD ALL YOUR COLLEAGUES, THOSE CLOWN COMICS, TO FIX THEIR HEARTS OR DIE."

  9. #3504
    Elite Member sprynkles's Avatar
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    Seriously...her face! WTF???

    "A massive penis means never having to say you're sorry". Mo

  10. #3505
    Elite Member msdeb's Avatar
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    i love that she didn't spray tan her legs for court.
    Karistiona likes this.
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  11. #3506
    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sprynkles View Post
    Seriously...her face! WTF???
    I know! If you make the thumbnails bigger, it's unbelievable. I actually thought maybe she purposely used makeup under eyes to look black and puffy (to keep up the illness charade), but she couldn't fake the bloat.

    "AND WHEN YOU BECAME DENISE, I TOLD ALL YOUR COLLEAGUES, THOSE CLOWN COMICS, TO FIX THEIR HEARTS OR DIE."

  12. #3507
    Elite Member faithanne's Avatar
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    I just hope Kat Scorp didn't stay up until 3.00 am to follow this non-event. Go back to bed Kat, we'll wake you up in March when it gets good.
    "You're going to die tomorrow, Lord Bolton. Sleep well."



  13. #3508
    Gold Member Patty Rox's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sprynkles View Post
    Seriously...her face! WTF???

    It looks like she was up all night crying & drinking. She can't even buy a clue at this point in her sorry life. These next 6 weeks are going to be interesting as there's no doubt in my mind that she'll fuck up in some way.
    sprynkles likes this.

  14. #3509
    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    Wednesday, January 30th 2013
    A Poor Child Gets To Call These Two A-Holes "Daddy" And "Mommy"




    As the eldest Lohan, Lindsay Lohan, made her 4,954th court appearance this morning, Michael Lohan's Garbage Pail Kid-looking ass girlfriend birthed out the now youngest Lohan in a Florida hospital. It just had to be Florida. Hasn't Florida been through enough?
    Last July, Kate Major and Michael Lohan announced that they stopped throwing punches at each other long enough to do bareback sex and make a baby that they'll eventually trade for a stack of mesh shirts and a bottle of apple Schnapps in a Walmart parking lot in a few years. Well, that baby is now here and I can guarantee you that as soon as he looked at Michael Lohan's charbroiled turtle dingle of a face, he immediately learned how to say the words, "I'm fucked." ("Those were my first words too!" - all the Lohan kids)
    TMZ says that Landon Major Lohan was born just before noon today and he weighed in at 7lbs and 5oz. That's kind of funny, because 7lbs and 5oz. is exactly how much coke the Lohan family snorts between them on a monthly basis! Michael Lohan tells TMZ that he was in the delivery room with Kate Major and he got to snip the umbilical cord. It's a damn shame that he didn't snip his own baby making parts while he was at it.
    Landon Lohan is the 6th life that Michael Lohan will screw up. Well, six as far as we know. There could be other Lohans out there that we don't know about, so if you see a freckled child with overcooked turkey bacon for skin and it's kicking a vagina or driving its razor scooter while drunk, report that child to the authorities, because you just spotted another Lohan.
    And I hope the Tampa area PennySaver pays Kate a lot of money for the first pictures of Landon Lohan, because ho is going to need the cash since Michael Lohan is never going to give her one quarter from the stack of quarters he stole from LiLo's purse. I was going to say "stack of ones," but that would be way too generous.

    Posted by: Michael K
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    CPS Is On Line OneFloridaMichael Lohan
    "AND WHEN YOU BECAME DENISE, I TOLD ALL YOUR COLLEAGUES, THOSE CLOWN COMICS, TO FIX THEIR HEARTS OR DIE."

  15. #3510
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Holy FUCK, the Tampa PennySaver?! I'm dying over here!
    Waterslide, Honeythorn and rollo like this.
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