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Thread: Kleptoskank Lindsay Lohan Nicks Bling, Evades Jail, Blames Black Kids Everywhere

  1. #3256
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    Doesn't show up for court again, out partying.. is nobody but us seeing a pattern? Hello, justice system.
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  2. #3257
    Elite Member Bombshell's Avatar
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    So, you know how Lindz walks around and acts like she can get away with anything?

    It's apparently because dat bitch really can get away with anything.

    "Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at the bowling alley."

  3. #3258
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    ^ best GIF evah
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  4. #3259
    Elite Member stef's Avatar
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    here we go again...

    Monday, January 7th 2013 Dina Lohan Says That Michael Lohan's Abuse Against Her Is The Reason Why Lindsay Lohan Is So Screwed Up





    Michael Lohan has already blamed all of Lindsay Lohan's problems on the fact that White Oprah is an enabling coke vacuum of delusion, and now it's her turn to blame him for their daughter's poor decision-making skills. Inside of a Long Island hotel room and surrounded by cops and medical reports, White Oprah told the New York Daily News about Michael Lohan's history of domestic abuse. White Oprah is only speaking out about it now, because Adderall pills don't grow on tree and her back alley pharmacists need to get paid Lindsay Lohan encouraged her to after seeing an old picture of her with a black eye.
    The picture from 1986 shows White Oprah with a bruised-up eye and a baby LiLo in her arms. When LiLo saw that picture, she screamed, "Tell the world! Talk about it!" So that's what White Oprah is doing. White Oprah says that black eye is just one of the many that Michael Lohan gave her during their marriage and his abuse is the reason why LiLo is a mess. White Oprah got the black eye after a coked-up, drunken Michael Lohan Chris Brown'd her in the car. White Oprah produced medical records proving that on December 4, 1986, emergency room doctors treated her for "blunt trauma" to the face. When the NYDN asked Michael Lohan about it, he had a different version of the story:

    “I came in at 2 o’clock in the morning after being out with some friends. I walked in and she hit me with an ice tray. With the back of my hand I slapped her in the face. Yes, it did happen in 1986. Were there any charges? No, not at all. I had a big black and blue on my neck from her."
    White Oprah says she didn't press charges, because Michael was already headed to the chokey for committing securities fraud while working as a stock broker on Wall Street. When Michael got out of jail in 1990, she says he showed up to her parents' house in a limo and begged her to take him back. She says Michael was coked all the way up at the time and kept begging her to give him another chance. When she refused, Michael immediately turned into a monster and raped her as the kids slept upstairs.
    After he left and her parents came home, she went to the emergency room at Nassau County Hospital. Doctors examined her and collected evidence in a rape kit. Once again, she didn't press any charges, because she says Michael Lohan was on his way to prison again for insider trading.

    Most of what comes out of White Oprah's mouth is a certified lie, but I actually believe her this time. Since Michael Lohan is a dried piece of demon shit stuck under Lucifer's CROC, he told the NYDN that he never raped White Oprah and she's the one who wanted sex from him.

    “How can you rape a person when they’re on top of you?” he asked.
    They were separated at the time, Michael explained, and he was dating another woman.
    He said Dina claimed rape in a jealous fit after she called him later that night and heard he was with the girlfriend.
    “I went over to her parents’ house and made love to her,” he said Sunday. “When I left and she called me, she found out I was with (the girlfriend) and called police. Then she called me the next day, crying. I said, ‘Let’s work this out.’ And I got back with Dina. There were no charges.”
    White Oprah says that the abuse continued over the years and she got several orders of protection against Michael Lohan. She stayed for the sake of the kids and wants the world to know that Michael Lohan is to blame for LiLo being a professional fuck-up:

    “She saw a lot of crazy stuff. I want the world to know the root of her problems. Lindsay saw all the beatings and all the abuse. She said, ‘Stay, mommy, don’t leave.' She said, ‘I’m so sorry for making you stay.’ But I didn’t stay for Lindsay — I wanted all my kids to be happy.
    I need to make the world aware that Lindsay is messed up because her father is messed up.”
    Michael called White Oprah the "devil" and said that she's just bringing this up, because she wants people to forget that she's partying and getting high with LiLo.
    White Oprah is half-right, LiLo is messed up because her father is messed up, but she's also messed up because her mother is messed up too. Usually when one piece of trash fuck-up (see: Michael Lohan) makes a baby with another fuck-up (see: White Oprah), the baby grows up to either be a fuck-up or realizes they don't want to be a fuck-up and escapes their family by entering a monastery far, far away. Yes, that's Cody Lohan's cue to shave his head and start heading for the giant holy building up in the mountains.
    And LiLo was supposed to be in court today for slapping that psychic in a club, but the hearing was pushed back, because prosecutors realized she has more important things to do like party in London (see: pictures below).



    Wenn.com, Bauer Griffin




    Posted by: Michael K

    Dina Lohan Says That Michael Lohan's Abuse Against Her Is The Reason Why Lindsay Lohan Is So Screwed Up | Dlisted
    "This is not meant to be at all offensive: You suffer from diarrhea of the mouth but constipation of the brain." - McJag

  5. #3260
    Elite Member Sassiness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MontanaMama View Post
    Lindsay Lohan has no boundaries, who's to say she's an unwilling participant if her "job" resulted in those bruises?
    She might be consenting, but it's still pretty sad though.

    Dead by end of 2013?

  6. #3261
    Elite Member Kat Scorp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sassiness View Post
    She might be consenting, but it's still pretty sad though.

    Dead by end of 2013?

    Lindsay the Cockroach? At this point, I can't imagine anything short of a silver bullet to the heart will work.



    source: Herro my name is lindsay lohan - Eat The Cockroach | Meme Generator
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  7. #3262
    Elite Member Kathie_Moffett's Avatar
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    Fuck you, Dina. It would help your daughters a lot more if you weren't pimping them out to the highest bidder, you ridiculous piece of trash. Everybody has CHOICES but you did your best to ensure that Lindsay had as few as possible and that she damn well didn't make the right ones. Misery loves company, right?!

    Kat, that Grumpy Cat quote made me laugh out loud. Morris wrote the second one with his butt, I'm thinking?
    Kat Scorp likes this.
    Did you know that every time a parent gives in to their kid's whines and buys them candy at the checkout lane, a kitten gets diabetes?-Dlisted
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  8. #3263
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    I have no doubt that her parents had an abusive relationship, but that's not the only reason that Lindsay is fucked up Dina. Don't make me get all biblical & tell you to remove the beam from your own eye...
    Free Charmed.

  9. #3264
    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    So Dina, how did Michael cause Ali's massive heroin addiction?
    If i hear one more personal attack, i will type while drunk, then you can cry! - Bugdoll
    (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she doesn't seem to have the depth or warmth
    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

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    The presenters on Celebrity Big Brother UK are hinting that she is going to appear on it now her court appearances have been put back. If she does go in as a housemate, that should be total car crash TV. However, I will resent her getting what will be a huge appearance fee - probably 10 times more than that idiot couple on there now, from the Hills.

  11. #3266
    Elite Member Chilly Willy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MontanaMama View Post
    Lindsay Lohan has no boundaries, who's to say she's an unwilling participant if her "job" resulted in those bruises?
    My bet is, she has been forced into prostitution from a very early age. I also believe that now that she is not beautiful anymore, they make her work even harder for that money. Blohan has given us more than enough reasons to make fun of her, this isn't one of them, IMO.
    Stereo Inferno likes this.
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  12. #3267
    Elite Member dksnj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wingnut View Post
    The presenters on Celebrity Big Brother UK are hinting that she is going to appear on it now her court appearances have been put back. If she does go in as a housemate, that should be total car crash TV. However, I will resent her getting what will be a huge appearance fee - probably 10 times more than that idiot couple on there now, from the Hills.
    I know her court date yesterday was postponed for the assault, but I believe she still has to appear on January 15th:

    During the January 15 hearing, a judge will make the determination if Lohan violated her probation. If the judge finds that Lohan did violate her probation, she could face up to 245 days in jail.

  13. #3268
    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chilly Willy View Post
    My bet is, she has been forced into prostitution from a very early age. I also believe that now that she is not beautiful anymore, they make her work even harder for that money. Blohan has given us more than enough reasons to make fun of her, this isn't one of them, IMO.
    I wasn't making fun of her, I just don't go to automatic sympathy. She drinks a shit ton, which will thin the blood and can very easily cause bruising. I just think it's a stretch to assume because an raging alcoholic has bruises that she's being sexually abused.
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    (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she doesn't seem to have the depth or warmth
    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

  14. #3269
    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    I see too many alcoholics on a daily basis and many are bruised from the stupid things they do while drunk. I do believe Lilo has been whored out but her bruises look more like a fall to me. As I said, I had the same marks from falling down stairs. Thankfully I was sober and was able to stop myself from going down the full flight. My arm was a mess as was me right knee.
    huntsy_2000 likes this.
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  15. #3270
    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sluce View Post
    I see too many alcoholics on a daily basis and many are bruised from the stupid things they do while drunk. I do believe Lilo has been whored out but her bruises look more like a fall to me. As I said, I had the same marks from falling down stairs. Thankfully I was sober and was able to stop myself from going down the full flight. My arm was a mess as was me right knee.
    I could believe that. I still have a bruise on my arm from last August. I stupidly (and soberly) fell over a box and into my exercise bike. The way I fell, I honestly thought my arm was going to break. Obviously it didn't, but I my entire upper arm was black and blue and green and yellow. Anyway isn't Lindsay always falling down? Didn't she fall at Bryan Adams' house? She seems accident prone and drunk often.



    I didn't see this posted. I thought Michael K made good points about Lindsay once being a cute baby who was looking for the exit door. I'm almost sad looking at the baby picture of her, she seems so alert and curious.

    Tuesday, January 8th 2013
    And Here's That Picture Of Dina Lohan With The Busted Eye (Allegedly) Given To Her By Michael Lohan




    Yesterday, The New York Daily News published an EXCLUSIVO interview with White Oprah where she said that Lindsay Lohan gained her amazing ability to fuck up constantly by watching her ass wart of a father abuse her mother. It was just another feel good family story from the Lohans! As White Oprah cried into a check from the NYDN that read, "Pay To The Order Of: White Oprah Memo: EXCLUSIVO interview," she told them that she decided to come out about being abused and raped by Michael Lohan after Lindsay Lohan told her to. LiLo told White Oprah that she must tell her story after seeing a picture of her with a welt on her eye, and now Entertainment Tonight has magically gotten a hold of that picture.
    ET has an entire gallery of pictures of White Oprah's vintage bruised up face throughout the years. Michael Lohan still claims that he never beat up White Oprah and he claims that she got the bruise in the picture above after he defended himself from her attacking him with an ice tray. "She attacked me with an ice tray" is the new "she ran into my fist." I'm sure it won't be long before Michael Lohan sells a picture of the ice tray White Oprah attacked with him with to The Insider.
    Two quick things: a young White Oprah looks like what The Curious Case of Ali Lohan would've looked like in her 20s if her shit parents didn't replace her innocence and youth with silicone and diet pills. And before Lindsay Lohan's shit parents watered her daily with liquid meth and milk of delusion, she was an adorable baby. An adorable baby who always had a look on her face like she was searching for the nearest exit. If only she found that exit.
    Here's LiLo going to read Mother Goose stories to orphans in London last night (aka going to a club to drink her lips off).



    Splash




    Posted by: Michael K
    82 comments

    I Can't With YouMESS!Michael LohanWhite Oprah

    "AND WHEN YOU BECAME DENISE, I TOLD ALL YOUR COLLEAGUES, THOSE CLOWN COMICS, TO FIX THEIR HEARTS OR DIE."

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