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^ You can never be too careful!
So nobody wants to know who the actress was?
Michael Ks take.Tuesday, May 8th 2012
John Travolta's Got Eight Inches And Thinks All High Class People Love Gay Sex
After I tucked myself into bed last night, I read the entire not-so-happy-ending massage lawsuit thrown at John Travolta by an unnamed masseur, and if you haven't already done so, you should do so tonight. Push away your laminated copy of 50 Shades of Mom Cream and get into this bedtime story. Yes, your nightmares will be haunted by a wig-wearing bloated pasty walrus waving his 8-inch dick of doom at you, but sometimes you have to suffer for foolery.
What we already know is that a masseur claims that on January 16, 2012, the Duchess of Scientology found the masseur's ad online and ordered a massage. During the massage, John allegedly molested the masseur's crotch, offered to squeeze the masseur's peen and went on a crazed rant about how gay Jews rule Hollywood before he jacked himself off in front of the masseur. If you switched the dude masseur with a chick, it would be like a regular night at Mel Gibson's house. But the fuckery is truly in the details and just like we did last night, let's dissect those!
Travolta had chocolate cake wrappers on the floor his SUV.
Believability: 0 out of 10 Laughing Tommy Girls. The less Tommy cackles, the truer it is!
Isn't chocolate an aphrodisiac? Well, so is downing Ding Dongs in an SUV with his homegirl Kirstie Alley while kiki-ing about the masseur dick he's hoping to wrap his Scientolohole around.
Travolta's personal chef was in the bungalow making hamburgers during the first hour of the massage and left once he was ready to get down with the masseur.
Believability: 0 out of 10 Laughing Tommy Girls
Nothing gets Johnny in the mood for love like the scent of sizzling burger grease. That's why bitch buys his poppers at Carl's Jr.
Travolta's peen is "roughly" 8 inches long.
Believability: 5 out of 10 Laughing Tommy Girls
I'd rather cover my bedroom ceiling with pictures of prolapsed rectums than think about Johnny's dick situation, but I can sort of believe this. I mean, most e-meters double as penis pumps, right?
Travolta's pubic hairy is "wiry" and "unkempt."
Believability: 10 out of 10 Laughing Tommy Girls
Can I get a BITCH, PLEASE? Johnny is definitely as smooth as an armadillo's ass down there. When Johnny's eating Ding Dongs and sniffing burger fumes in a bottle while fapping, the last thing he wants to do is meticulously pick out chocolate cake crumbs from his dick bush. Besides, any hair that grows down there, he quickly plucks out and glues to the top of his head.
Travolta told the masseur that he's not even gay and hates the taste of cum.
Believability: 10 out of 10 Laughing Tommy Girls
Tommy Girl and the other queens at the Scientology glory hole don't call Johnny "L. Ron Cumdumpster" for nothing!
Travolta told the masseur that the high-class in this world prefer same-sex fucking, because the sex is the best you'll ever experience.
Believability: 9 out of 10 Laughing Tommy Girls
That sounds more like something GOOP would say if she came out as a lesbian. But I like it. The next time I get hate mail saying that man-on-man ass sex is disgusting, I'll let them know that they only find it disgusting because they are low-class trash. Only the high-class appreciates man-on-man ass sex, hunty.
Travolta told the masseur that there was a "starlet" staying in the hotel who was looking for some DP (double penetration) action. Travolta promised they could have her later, but they had to get in-sync first by sexing on each other.
Believability: 10 out of 10 Laughing Tommy Girls
Was Lindsay Lohan staying at The Beverly Hills Hotel that day? NO! I'm joking. This is a falsity, because Johnny would never make a promise he can't fuck and that promise involved vagina.
Travolta made the masseur say something nice about him as he jacked off.
Believability: 6 out of 10 Laughing Tommy Girls
This is some terrifying Stuart Smalley shit. What do you say if Johnny is doing sex to himself in front of you and asks you for a compliment? When you're watching Johnny do himself, I'm sure the part of your brain that produces positive thoughts shuts down and quits your ass. I guess I'd tell him that he smells like Ding Dongs and hamburgers. That's TWO nices!
John Travolta has already denied all of this and says he wasn't even in L.A. on January 16th. John claims he has proof of this and is planning to pull his fist out of an escort's ass to fight this lawsuit. After reading this mess of a lawsuit, the only stuff I really believe is the crap about the chocolate cake wrappers and the full-time hamburger maker. But I'm sure the Scientology engineers still worked through the night making a sex tape using a John Travolta hologram and a Kelly Preston hologram. Johnny couldn't have molested that masseur, because he, a heterosexual man, was too busy having heterosexual sex with his heterosexual wife.
via TMZ
Posted by: Michael K
Source: John Travolta's Got Eight Inches And Thinks All High Class People Love Gay Sex | Dlisted
I do^ You can never be too careful!
So nobody wants to know who the actress was?
there was no actress. it was just a line to get the guy in the sack. 'ok, first we'll fuck to see if we are compataible, and if we are then we'll go fuck the actress. but we have to fuck first'
it's like a 68, the old you do me and i'll owe you one
as Michael K notes: Believability: 10 out of 10 Laughing Tommy Girls
eta: 50 Shades of Mom Cream, i fucking love michael k.
Last edited by witchcurlgirl; May 8th, 2012 at 10:07 AM.
All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
Yep, there was no actress. That was an incentive device used in case the massage therapist wasn't ready to be full hog gay. But I don't think JT really said that.
Sometimes men do get erections during a massage. It can be a response to deep relaxation. Unless they are moving their hips or grinding the table, it's not a deal breaker.
In this story, I think the street corner "masseur" was just a hooker and when he pulled a celeb, decided to work him instead of turning the trick. More money that way.
Exactly. That's such a BS, transparent line there.
I thought that was called a 34-and-a-halfit's like a 68, the old you do me and i'll owe you one
Would I be an asshole for suggesting that book for my mom's book club for shits and giggles? Kidding, I wouldn't dare do that!eta: 50 Shades of Mom Cream, i fucking love michael k.
Last edited by hustle4alivin; May 8th, 2012 at 10:42 AM.
that would be hilarious
All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
no way i dont wanna think his 8 inches cockbush area thingies! no no and no!
we don't have to make love to have an orgasm
Now you know it's bad when caramel wants no parts of John Travolta's panty pudding...
Damn, that was the ultimate diss on John.
FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej
That guy is so dead.
^ Maybe thats why hes going by 'John Doe', he already knew it was over the second his name hit the press.
Travolta's pubic hairy is "wiry" and "unkempt."
Believability: 10 out of 10 Laughing Tommy Girls
Can I get a BITCH, PLEASE? Johnny is definitely as smooth as an armadillo's ass down there. When Johnny's eating Ding Dongs and sniffing burger fumes in a bottle while fapping, the last thing he wants to do is meticulously pick out chocolate cake crumbs from his dick bush. Besides, any hair that grows down there, he quickly plucks out and glues to the top of his head.
I don't know whether to laugh or barf.
Laugh, of course!
They're both proud drunks, they're both proud sluts and they're both proud wearers of thirsty weaves. They both probably think that the other one is swallowing up the entire world's supply of vodka, peen and yellow weaves. Michael K (re Brandi & Chelsea)
┌П┐(•_•)┌П┐twitchy molests my signature!
I love the "Laughing Tommy Girls" method of measurement.
You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl
Here comes another one!!! *squeal*
A second accuser -- another male masseur -- filed a $2 million sexual battery lawsuit against John Travolta Tuesday morning and claims to have "substantial documentation and numerous witnesses regarding the substance of Travolta's actions," according to the docs, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.
The second alleged victim is also being represented by the same lawyer as the first accuser, and in the amended complaint, both are now suing Travolta for sexual harassment as well.
As we previously reported, Travolta is being sued by an unidentified male masseur for assault, sexual battery and intentional infliction of emotional distress. According to the lawsuit, the masseur tried to carry out a deep tissue massage, but "Travolta, had removed his draping and was masturbating. Travolta's penis was fully erect, and was roughly 8 inches in length, and his pubic hair was wirey and unkempt. Sweat was pouring down Travolta's neck, and he asked Plaintiff again to say something nice to him."
Travolta's rep vehemently denied the initial sexual battery lawsuit that was filed on Monday and said in a statement, "This lawsuit is a complete fiction and fabrication. None of the events claimed in the suit ever occurred. The plaintiff, who refuses to give their name, knows that the suit is a baseless lie. It is for that reason that the plaintiff hasn't been identified with a name, even though it is required to do so. On the date when plaintiff claims John met him, John was not in California, and it can be proved that he was on the East Coast. Plaintiff's attorney has filed this suit to try and get his 15 minutes of fame. John intends to get this case thrown out, and then he will sue the attorney and Plaintiff for malicious prosecution."
The unidentified male masseur is being repped by the same attorney who filed the initial sexual battery lawsuit against the Oscar nominated actor. According to the lawsuit, which was filed Tuesday morning in Federal Court in Los Angeles, the second victim alleges that while working at an unspecified resort in Atlanta, Georgia on January 28, 2012, he did an in-room massage on Travolta. According to the docs, Travolta was staying on the 15th floor of the upscale resort, and he was referred to as Mr. White. The Plaintiff doesn't normally do in-room massages and asked a co-worker to take the assignment, but he declined because "Travolta has been banned from a spa that the coworker used to work at in Los Angeles."
On the morning of the massage Travolta had "a strange demeanor, bloodshot eyes and climbed onto the already setup massage table...Travolta removed the entire sheet from his body, and he claimed the sheets were sticky and could not tolerate the heat...Travolta further indicated that he likes a lot of "Glutes" work meaning a massage on his buttocks...While he was massaging near Travolta's buttocks area, Travolta would open his legs and spread his butt cheeks open and had a full erection and would maneuver in a way to try to force Doe Plaintiff No. 2 to touch his anus and around his anus."
As the massage came to an end "Travolta suddenly turned on his stomach with his legs wide open with a full erection. He then tried to force Doe Plaintiff No. 2's hand on Travolta's scrotum. Then, Travolta started to grab, rub and caress Doe Plaintiff no. 2's upper thighs and buttocks....Travolta still had an erection and wanted his abdominals done, but Travolta's erection was in the way and he refused to have his penis covered by a sheet of a pillow case cover...Travolta started masturbating about 15 minutes left in the session, and Doe Plaintiff No.2, said he had to go," the docs state.
The masseur "complained to all of his supervisors and many coworkers to no avail." Travolta allegedly went down "to the spa that Plaintiff No. 2 worked at, which is part of the resort Travolta was staying at, as opposed to having Doe Plaintiff No. 2 go to his room. Travolta DEMANDED that Doe Plaintiff No. 2 come back and do it again, and he refused," the lawsuit asserts.
According to Access Atlanta, Travolta was spotted eating dinner at The Palm restaurant in the swanky enclave of Atlanta, Buckhead aroound January 25 2012, and he was in town filming the movie Killing Season with Robert De Niro in Georgia.
Travolta's pit-bull attorney, Marty Singer, told us on Monday, that "The problem in America is anyone can sue anyone. However, in this case this unidentified plaintiff and his lawyer will regret they filed this fabricated suit. We intend to sue both of them for malicious prosecution."
Singer, who was recently named as the top entertainment lawyer of the year by the Beverly Hills Bar Association, says unequivocally that he can prove Travolta was on the east coast when the masseur alleges the sexual battery took place in a Beverly Hills hotel. "My client was on the east coast," Singer told RadarOnline.com, referring to the lawsuit's key date of January 16, 2012.
Travolta has been married to actress Kelly Preston since 1991. The couple's oldest child, Jett, died in 2009. The couple have two other children, daughter, Ella Bleu, and their toddler son, Benjamin, born in 2010.
The alleged second victim is also seeking $2 million dollars in damages and a jury trial, and Okorcha maintains that both clients are ready to face off against Travolta in court.
Story developing....
Second Male Masseur Files $2M Sexual Battery Lawsuit Against John Travolta | Radar Online
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