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Thread: Joan Rivers stops breathing during surgery - rushed to hospital

  1. #196
    czb
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    Quote Originally Posted by sluce View Post
    I can just imagine what Joan had to say about Susie83.
    no clue. but at least joan could have spelled 'previous' correctly ....

  2. #197
    mjw
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    Comedian Joan Rivers was undergoing a throat procedure on Thursday, Aug. 28 when she suddenly stopped breathing and was taken to Mount Sinai Hospital. CNN reports that doctors reportedly placed the 81-year-old "Fashion Police" host under an induced coma and according to a statement by her daughter, Melissa Rivers, the comedian was being taken out from the induced coma on Sunday, Sept. 1.

    "My mother would be so touched by the tributes and prayers that we have received from around the world," said Melissa Rivers in a statement to US magazine. "Her condition remains serious but she is receiving the best treatment and care possible. We ask that you continue to keep her in your thoughts as we pray for her recovery."

    Known for her self-deprecating and candid sense of humor, here are 17 quotes by Joan Rivers:

    1. "I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio." -- Joan Rivers

    2. "I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn’t toss and turn, we’d never have had the kid." -- Joan Rivers

    3. "Before we make love my husband takes a painkiller." -- Joan Rivers

    4. "Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century." -- Joan Rivers

    5. "I was born in 1962… and the room next to me was 1963." -- Joan Rivers

    6. "I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’" -- Joan Rivers

    7. "I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?'" -- Joan Rivers

    8. "You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it." -- Joan Rivers


    9. "The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it." -- Joan Rivers

    10. "If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly." -- Joan Rivers

    11. "I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewellery." -- Joan Rivers

    12. "At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!" -- Joan Rivers

    13. "I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery." -- Joan Rivers

    14. "People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made." -- Joan Rivers

    15. "Looking fifty is great – if you're sixty." -- Joan Rivers

    16. "My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks." -- Joan Rivers

    17. "A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon." -- Joan Rivers

    Joan Rivers Quotes: 17 Sayings From Deceased Comedian
    sluce, sputnik, BoogsBun and 10 others like this.

  3. #198
    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    From Time: Joan Rivers Dead: Comedy and Fashion Queen Dies at 81


    The legendary comedian was "an unindexed handbook on how to be neurotic about practically everything"

    For Joan Rivers, the boundary-busting comedian who died Thursday at 81, no topic was off-limits for a joke. Not even death. In 1994, speaking to TIME, she told writer Ginia Bellafante that she wasn’t afraid of death. “I’m in show business,” she said, quoting a new play she had co-written. “I died a million times.” In fact, one of the subjects addressed in another project Rivers released that year, a made-for-TV movie about her husband’s suicide, was the fact that her daughter Melissa was unhappy about her mother’s joking about her father’s death. But humor, Rivers believed, was a perfectly appropriate way to grieve. It was a sentiment she had long held; she had told the magazine more than a decade earlier, in 1983, that she thought audiences did themselves a disservice by making death a sacrosanct subject. “When my mother died, I kept going by doing joke after joke,” she said. “I get rid of things through very black humor.”

    Which is not to say that everything Rivers joked about was serious. TIME’s 1983 profile explained that in Rivers’s house she had 12 drawers of jokes written on index cards, carefully sorted by category: “such topics as Drugs, Face Lifts, Beverly Hills, Homosexuals, My Body, and No Sex Appeal, which has the most entries, more than 400.” And, of course, as her red-carpet-special audiences knew, she could be especially biting when it came to her fellow celebrities. That same article touches on jokes about Queen Elizabeth ( “I put a doily under the Kitty Litter. She was very impressed. She took it home for a hat.”), Nancy Reagan (“She’s a great lady. She never swears. She told me to go and reproduce myself.”) and Elizabeth Taylor (“Mosquitos see her and scream ‘Buffet!'”).

    Rivers was first profiled by TIME in 1966. The article makes clear that these topics had long been a fertile area for her. “Snapping out her lines, bobbing and weaving around the stage like a pug in the last throes of brain damage,” TIME wrote, “she is an unindexed handbook on how to be neurotic about practically everything.”

    On the subject of her body, for example:

    “Joan Rivers claims that she is now only a thin blonde disaster area, where once she was a fat blonde disaster area. In high school, she says, “I got to be chairman of the decorating committee for the prom. We decided to hold it at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel, in the Grand Ballroom. I made it look just like a gymnasium. Then what happens? I was the only girl not asked to the prom. My father is a very sensitive, perceptive person, so he said, ‘Look, Lump, we’ll get your cousin to take you.’ My cousin! Think of the humiliation! And my cousin, she didn’t want to take me either.”

    or

    “Take wigs. The ordinary woman puts a wig on her head and that’s that. Joan’s wig gets run over by a car—and then the driver gives her $10 and his sympathy for having killed her dog."

    But even when she was at her most caustic, her idea that nothing was sacrosanct didn’t mean she didn’t care. In 1983, when TIME called her “the funniest woman in the country,” she explained that the best comedy is “always on the brink of disaster,” walking the line between boring and going too far. The article began with the following anecdote:

    ““If I say anything vicious, just add afterward the words: ‘She laughed.'” So, to grant the lady her request and, at the same time, to avoid repeating those two words several dozen times, please regard most of the punctuation marks that follow as shorthand symbols for “Joan Rivers laughed.”
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

  4. #199
    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
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    RIP Joan. I'm sure she and Johnny Carson are having a cold one right now.
    Life is short. Break the Rules. Forgive Quickly. Kiss Slowly. Love Truly.
    Laugh Uncontrollably. And never regret ANYTHING that makes you smile.

    - Mark Twain

  5. #200
    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    I was smiling thinking that Robin was there to welcome her too.
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

  6. #201
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    Very sad. She was a hell of a woman. I loved watching and listening to her, especially when I first discovered her when I was a young teen. She did brash better than anyone. She made it easier for women to tell dirty jokes and have gutsy opinions in the mainstream media. I will always love her for that.

    Cheers to her life and legacy, and high-balls all around in your honor, Joan.
    sprynkles and yoyoma like this.
    white, black, puerto rican/everybody just a freakin'/good times were rollin'.


  7. #202
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    RIP, Joan.

    ><((((º>·. ¸¸. ·´¯`·.¸¸><((((º>><((((º>`·.¸¸.··´¯`·...¸><((((º>¸.·´¯`·.. ><((((º> `·.¸¸.·´¯`·...¸><((((º>

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    Found this extract from her book I Hate Everyone...Starting With Me. RIP Joan.
    MsDark, sputnik, azoria and 9 others like this.

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    R.I.P. Joan...

    I remember when I was a little girl in the 60s/70s. The women on TV were so bland and non-threatening--except for this smart, acerbic, witty 'piece of work.' My mom was a really kind person and lived by 'if you can't say something nice about somebody, don't say anything at all.' But when Joan came on TV my mom would drop whatever she was doing and sit and laugh her ass off. Joan was like a one-woman victory parade for every smart, funny woman out there who had ever been told to keep her mouth shut. And she told it like it was.

    I loved that documentary "Joan Rivers: Piece of Work" from a few years ago. It brought home to me how important a figure she was and fought to continue being. I have chosen to forget about her Fashion Police persona and celebrate the hard-working, smart-mouthed broad who could sit at the boys table and make everybody laugh.

    My heart goes out to Melissa. For better or worse, their lives were so intertwined that this must be devastating.
    Slushie, Trixie, Wilson and 5 others like this.
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  10. #205
    mjw
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    Default More Quotes...

    1) It's been so long since I made love, I can't remember who gets tied up.

    2) I’ve worked with Angelina Jolie. She saw a sign that said ”WET FLOOR” one time, and she did.

    3) I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewellery.

    4) I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof.

    5) My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese. Most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

    6) All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.

    7) I had a cold and my doctor recommended coffee enemas. I can never go back to Starbucks...

    8) I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

    9) Katie Holmes is not a very good actress. Did you see her try and play John F. Kennedy's wife? She was so bad he shot himself in it.

    10) I said to my husband, "Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?" He said, "I don't want to wake you up."

    11) I hate thin people; “Oh, does this tampon make me look fat?”

    12) I said to my mother-in-law, "My house is your house." She said, "Get the hell off my property."

    13) Madonna is so hairy. When she lifted her arm, I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.?

    14) All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and the woman on the bottom. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.?

    15) Bo Derek is so stupid she returns bowling balls because they've got holes in them.

    16) My vagina is like Newark. Men know it's there but they don't want to visit.

    17) I said to my husband, "my boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs". He said, "Blue goes with everything."

    18) At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

    19) When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.

    20) The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she is shopping.

    21) I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, “The man goes on top and the woman underneath.” For three years, my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

    22) My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

    23) Mick Jagger could French-kiss a moose. He has child-bearing lips.

    24) I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.

    25) I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: 'Last Girl Before Freeway.'

    26) Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

    27) I have so little sex appeal my gynaecologist calls me "sir".

    28) I have so little sex appeal my gynaecologist examines me by telephone.

    29) Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.

    30) I hate euphemisms. “My Ralphie passed this morning.” No he didn't. He's dead. He's not passing anything. He can't move. That's the whole point, you idiot.

    31) I was so ugly that they sent my picture to Ripley’s Believe It or Not and he sent it back and said, “I don’t believe it.”

    32) As a Jew, I don't want to see Mel Gibson at a party. I don't want to run into him in the kitchen because there’s an oven in it and I’m afraid of what he might do.

    33) A man can sleep around, no questions asked. But if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she's a tramp.

    34) It's so EASY being a Catholic. All you have to do is get f***ed by a priest, and they give you a set of candlesticks.

    35) Marie Osmond is so pure, not even Moses could even part her knees.

    36) I spit on education. No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

    37) My daughter and I are very close. We speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “Pick up, I know you’re there.” And she says the same thing back, “How’d you get this new number?”

    38) I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery
    .

    39) I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

    40) Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat, she puts mayonnaise on her aspirins.

    41) All I ever heard when I was a kid was, “why can't you be more like your cousin Sheila?” And Sheila had died at birth.

    42) Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.

    43) If I found Yoko Ono floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog.

    44) I bought a pedigree dog for $300. My friend said, "Give me $300. and I'll shit on your carpet."

    45) Every woman in this room tonight: Think like a second wife. You grab and you take. You grab and you take. And when you die, whatever you got out of him you have buried on you. If the next bitch wants it, make her dig for it.

    6) Joan Collins lies about her age so much we should have her body carbon-dated.

    47) I’m not saying she’s easy, but she’s been in so many motel rooms her nickname is ‘Gideon.’

    48) I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later, you have to start all over again.

    49) If Kate Winslet had dropped a few pounds, the Titanic would never have sunk.

    50) I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

    51) When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now... once he opened the car door for me in the last four years - we were on the freeway at the time.

    52) A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.

    53) Gay marriage - I am so against it because all my gay friends are out. And if they get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.

    54) My husband killed himself. And it was my fault. We were making love and I took the bag off my head.

    55) When I was born, my mother asked the doctor “will she live?” He said: “Only if you take your foot off her throat”.

    56) Don't talk to me about Valentine's Day. At my age, an affair of the heart is a bypass.

    57) You want to get Cindy Crawford confused? Ask her to spell 'mom' backwards.

    58) My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.

    59) When I saw her sex tape, all I could think of were Paris Hilton's poor parents. The shame, the shame of the Hilton family. To have your daughter do a porno film... in a Marriott hotel.

    60) My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

    61) Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.

    62) I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, "You are here". I wore Angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.

    63) I was the only Jewish kid in a Catholic neighbourhood. They all did Hail Marys, I did Hail Murrays.

    64) I blame myself for David Gest. It was me who told Liza Minnelli to find herself a man who wouldn't sleep with other women.

    65) I had this old guy give me a hickey - he left his teeth in my neck

    66) The nice thing about Viagra is that they are proving men can go blind on it, so you can gain weight and have a great sex life.

    67) Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the?inoleum. "My God, the floor's immaculate! Lie down, you hot bitch."

    68) Melanie Griffith is very sweet but dumb - the lights are on but the dogs aren't barking.

    69) People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

    70) Camilla Parker-Bowles is so ugly that at airports they make her frisk herself

    71) Grandchildren can be so f***ing annoying. How many times can you go, "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking to a supermodel.

    72) No-one says this, but the vagina drops. I looked down a few years ago and thought, "Why am I wearing a bunny slipper?"

    73) The whole Michael Jackson thing was my fault. I told him to date only twenty-eight-year-olds. Who knew he would find 20 of them?

    74) I have no sex appeal. If my husband didn’t toss and turn, we’d never have had the kid.

    75) Bo Derek has no concept of Roman numerals. She thinks we just fought World War Eleven.

    76) My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.

    77) I can confirm Russell Crowe does not wear deodorant. In Australia I believe that they call that animal magnetism.

    78) You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

    79) How could Princess Di not be happy? She was tall, thin, gorgeous and rich with a husband who didn't want to sleep with her. And she had a crown!

    80) I met Adele! What's her song, Rolling In The Deep? She should add 'fried chicken'


    Joan Rivers tour: Her bitchiest putdowns and funniest one-liner jokes as she prepares for Royal Albert Hall gig - Mirror Online
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  11. #206
    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
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    20) The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she is shopping.
    So, this is is the truth. It's not even a saying.
    Life is short. Break the Rules. Forgive Quickly. Kiss Slowly. Love Truly.
    Laugh Uncontrollably. And never regret ANYTHING that makes you smile.

    - Mark Twain

  12. #207
    Elite Member Trixie's Avatar
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    Love her or hate her, she's irreplaceable. RIP Joan, you were truly one of a kind.
    SHELLEE and garysgirl1999 like this.
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    My grandma loved Joan way back when, so I've always had good will toward her. Even if her humor was a little lost on me, I liked that she was always around somewhere, an entertainment fixture my entire life. I saw a couple of episodes of her reality show with Melissa and I was struck by how close they were, and by Joan's very loving relationship with her grandson. She seemed to be a really sweet person off stage.
    sprynkles likes this.

  14. #209
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brookie View Post
    RIP Joan. I'm sure she and Johnny Carson are having a cold one right now.
    That would require a heck of a rapprochement first.
    Brookie, holly and Jazzy like this.

  15. #210
    Gold Member laynes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trixie View Post
    Love her or hate her, she's irreplaceable. RIP Joan, you were truly one of a kind.

    Perfectly stated.

    I loved this bitch. Thank you Joan for your contribution to comedy and for paving the way for women. Another big loss for the funny people. RIP.



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