Expert on everything Gwyneth Paltrow now tells us all how to have sex properly

[Zee]

50 shades of Beige.



With eye contact for added shazam pfffft!

[BITTER]

Her man couldn't wait to get away from her and she's offering advice on how to keep one...I fucking love it when jokes tell themselves.

[coolade]

G Paltrow actually works?

She works harder than other women with a 9 to 5 job! Didn't you know that?!

[Patty Rox]

Oh Goopie...

[arie_skop]

She works harder than other women with a 9 to 5 job! Didn't you know that?!

All she does is talk crap

[Honeythorn]

I'm in the hossy at the moment with an angry pancreas. I'm high as Fuck on the dilauded they just gave me. I am laughing like a GD hyena at Goopys bullshit. I am laughing tears reading her idiotic shite. I haven't laughed this hard in ages.

[Kathie_Moffett]

Mwahaha! No, it's all about your man telling you what to do when you get in from work, staring at each other until it feels better than sex and all kinds of bullshit double speak. How someone with kids is supposed to manage all of this is a mystery but I guess that rich Goop-worshippers can send them off with the help and the rest of us plebs will have to dose them with Nytol and lock them in a closet or a shed or something.

I didn't really want to know! * cries * Can I just say "massive hypocrite" then?

I'm sure that's exactly what Chris Martin is muttering under his breath.

I'm in the hossy at the moment with an angry pancreas. I'm high as Fuck on the dilauded they just gave me. I am laughing like a GD hyena at Goopys bullshit. I am laughing tears reading her idiotic shite. I haven't laughed this hard in ages.

GOOPY HEALS!!!

Seriously though feel better soon, Honeythorn!