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Thread: Cate Blanchett and Andrew Upton adopted a baby girl: Edith Vivian Patricia Upton

  1. #61
    fgg is offline
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    Apr 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by sluce View Post
    That breaks my heart. They always find out and it is so damaging when it is not from their parents.

    I am working with a family right now with 3 kids struggling because they found out their father was infertile, so their parents used sperm donors. Their father is still their father, but their trust has been shattered since they found out from an angry cousin. The oldest daughter is having the most difficult time because they used a donor, had her, and then decided to use a different donor for #2. When it was time to conceive child #3 they decided to go with the same donor as #2. Now the oldest feels that they were unhappy with her, liked #2 better, so they used that donor again because he produced better kids. These "kids" are 22, 26, 29.
    yes, i told my husband that we need to stop talking about it in case one of my step-sons hears and remembers years later. i always thought that if you were open about it from the get go, you could be there to support them when they are older and want to know information rather than it being a huge explosion and rocking the child's whole life upon hearing it. i would imagine it's also that feeling that everyone around you knew the BIG SECRET and lied to you your whole life.

    we just watched an independent lens where a woman was pretty obviously biracial but grew up with her parents telling her she was dark because of her father's great grandfather from italy. it ended up that her mother had an affair with a black man (who she continued to have in her life) and the parents hid it from her and lied to her, their families, friends, etc.
    sluce likes this.
    can't post pics because my computer's broken and i'm stupid

  2. #62
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    Oct 2005
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    i can't see anything good coming from hiding that sort of thing from your kid. i had a boyfriend in university who was adopted. and he doesn't remember ever not knowing, it was just something that his parents were open about before he even really knew what it meant. his adoptive parents had met his birth parents shortly after my ex was born, they were both kids, lots of drug problems. my ex asked his parents questions about his birth parents but that was as far as his curiosity extended, he was never interested in finding them. i asked him if this was because he would have felt like this was betraying his adoptive parents and he said it had more to do with realising his birth parents were fucked up kids who had no business having a kid and that he had no ill will toward them but he also never thought of them as his parents or felt any desire to connect with them.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  3. #63
    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    Oct 2005
    Top Secret Spy for Leann Rimes


    You are correct that nothing good can come of keeping a secret. When it is never a "big reveal" it shows it is normal. And adoption is normal. It is just another way of building a family. This way just happens to come with its own host of issues that can be dealt with using honesty.
    NickiDrea and Kittylady like this.
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

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