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Thread: Keanu Reeves not guilty

  1. #1
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Jul 2006
    Burning Down Your Windmill

    Default Keanu Reeves not guilty

    Monday, November 3rd 2008
    Keanu Reeves Is Off The Hook

    The poorest-looking rich person in Hollywood won some dumb lawsuit brought against him by a money-hungry pap who sued him for $704, 974. Alison Silva sued Keanu Reeves because while he was taking pictures of his homeless ass last March, he was hit by his Porsche. Alison claims his wrist is permanently fucked up and he couldn't work for a while.

    During the four day long trial, the jurors heard Alison totally mess up his testimony by giving contradictory statements. Jurors were also shown a video of Alison using his effed up hand to climb a wire fence to get pictures of Our Lady of Cheetos. Keanu denied he hit Alison and said the pap was injured by tripping over his own feet while walking backwards. HA! Stupid pappie!

    The jury was unanimous and it look them less than a day to decide.
    If I was a juror on this extremely important case, I would only have two questions! #1: Why does the pap have a girly name? I bet his brothers are named Barbara and Karen. His sisters are John and Brian. #2: What does Keanu's beard have against him? It doesn't want to grow right! He obviously needs to be nicer to it.

    Posted by: Michael K

    Dlisted | Be Very Afraid
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    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

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  3. #3
    Elite Member msdeb's Avatar
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    Feb 2006
    in a van down by the river


    now if he'd learn to act, and then come out of the closet....
    Basic rule of Gossip Rocks: Don't be a dick.Tati
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  4. #4
    Hit By Ban Bus!
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    Back of Beyond


    Predictable. This was an asinine lawsuit.

  5. #5
    Elite Member WhateverLolaWants's Avatar
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    Sep 2007


    I've heard he's really nice in person, so this is good news.

    I met him once, but it was breif and he was too high for me to get a real read on him.
    There will be times you might leap before you look
    There'll be times you'll like the cover and that's precisely why you'll love the book
    Do it anyway

  6. #6
    Elite Member lisalucy69's Avatar
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    Jan 2007


    Yay! I love Keanu, and I knew he was innocent. He's such a low-key nice guy and the paps are shits for f*#king with him.

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