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Thread: US tabloid cover roundup: May 8th 2008... Jennifer Aniston in love with John Mayer?

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    Default US tabloid cover roundup: May 8th 2008... Jennifer Aniston in love with John Mayer?

    TOUCH’S EXCLUSIVE JEN ANISTON & JOHN MAYER PHOTOS!

    April 30th, 2008

    Pasetsky’s Cover Critique
    This is an In Touch classic!
    Why you ask?

    Amazing newsy photos and excellent use of the photos.
    I love the inset of John leaning on Jen’s shoulder because it tells the whole story - no words needed.
    The red button “The Photos You Have To See” makes you want to rip through the magazine to see the photos.
    And you have John Mayer talking about the weekend. As a reader, I can’t wait to read what he has to say.
    The big question this week is if the reader still cares about Jen Aniston.
    If they do, I have the perfect nickname for the couple MANISTON (Mayer + Aniston). Finally, Jen’s nickname makes sense!
    If this is not a big issue, then Jen Aniston is done being a cover subject for the celebrity weeklies.
    On another note, I like the Star Jones’ divorce shocker line “What Star Found Out,” which obviously implies that Al is gay.
    Would it surprise anyone if Star was the last one to know?
    Bottom Line: Buy this issue! Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards IN TOUCH’S EXCLUSIVE JEN ANISTON & JOHN MAYER PHOTOS!
    US WEEKLY’S JEN ANISTON AND JOHN MAYER COVER!


    April 30th, 2008

    Pasetsky’s Cover Critique
    If you’re Janice Min this morning, you are not happy after seeing In Touch Weekly’s cover.
    If In Touch doesn’t slaughter Us Weekly on the newsstand this week (especially with the $2.99 price advantage), I will not know what to say.
    Compared to In Touch’s newsy photo cover of Jen Aniston and Jen Mayer, this cover of US Weekly doesn’t come close.
    Plus, the it feels completely made up.
    Why?

    The phrase “flirting on e-mail” feels like ordered-up reporting. Does Us Weekly have these e-mails?
    Plus, the bar above the headline “The Real Story” is trying to prove that they have something, but I don’t buy it.
    I also don’t like the photo that Us selected of John Mayer. He looks pissed off when he should look “in love.”
    Moving to the sidebar…
    Jessica is calling Tony ‘My Future Husband.” But let me point something out to you.
    It looks like it could be Jen Aniston calling John Mayer “My Future Husband.” Is Janice trying to trick the reader to increase newsstand sales? I have a feeling this was done on purpose because very few people care about Jessica and Tony.
    Us Weekly could have easily placed this headline in the sidebar and removed the useless “Gossip Girl Style for less!” inset, which doesn’t even show a photo from Gossip Girls. (This Gossip Girl inset would have been ok with a photo.)
    And Miley’s “Topless” pics. I saw her back but they were not topless. Will Us Weekly issue a correction? (FYI The NY Times retracted the word topless since they realized it wasn’t true.)
    Bottom Line: Janice Min will not sleep well tonight. This cover is AWFUL! Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards US WEEKLY’S JEN ANISTON AND JOHN MAYER COVER!


    STAR SAYS “SCIENTOLOGY BOOT CAMP FOR KATIE HOLMES”


    April 30th, 2008

    Pasetsky’s Cover Critique!
    I can’t imagine why Star magazine would go with Katie’s Scientology boot camp for its cover.
    This cover feels like it’s two years old!
    It is so out of left field.
    This doesn’t even feel like a strong inset.
    Within the dek, you have the same old stuff — confession sessions, 24-hour surveillance and lie detector tests.
    Bottom Line: DISASTER ON THE NEWSSTAND FOR STAR! DISASTER! Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards STAR SAYS “SCIENTOLOGY BOOT CAMP FOR KATIE HOLMES”
    OK ANNOUNCES “BRAD AND ANGELINA’S WEDDING OF THE YEAR!”


    April 30th, 2008

    Pasetsky’s Cover Critique
    It’s amateur time at OK Magazine!
    This cover is absolutely HORRIFIC!
    And if you didn’t know why US Weekly is $1 cheaper than Us Weekly & People, they show you why this week.

    The OK! team obviously got very excited by the new photo of Angelina wearing a yellow dress.
    Yes, this is exciting because she usually wears black. For most magazines, that’s where the story ends.
    Not for OK! magazine.
    They decide to use it as its anchor for its “Wedding of the Year Story.” (Which, by the way, has been done a 1000 times.)
    And nothing says wedding like Angie in a — oh wait — it’s a yellow dress. (Did they say - let’s throw caution to the wind and use it anyway?)
    The details in the dek are laughable!
    • “Shiloh’s Surprise for Brad” What could that be? Well it’s a surprise so one can’t prove it or disprove it. (Very smart. HA!)
    • A red velvet cake - is OK kidding?
    • Romantic honeymoon - what honeymoon isn’t romantic?
    Bottom Line: Not even close to rate base this week. The only people that will buy this issue are simply attracted by pretty pictures and can’t read. Believe it or not, that’s about 300,000 people. Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards OK ANNOUNCES “BRAD AND ANGELINA’S WEDDING OF THE YEAR!”


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    eat a hot bowl of dicks.

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    GLOBE DELIVERS SAD MICHAEL J. FOX NEWS
    April 30th, 2008


    Pasetsky’s Cover Critique
    Strong, emotional cover for the Globe this week.
    We haven’t heard that much about Michael J. Fox in a while and this looks like Globe has a sad update - one that many readers will want to know about.
    Plus, the insets are all very timely.
    Globe follows up on its Hillary gay scandal from last week with Bill’s ultimatum.
    Simon Cowell storms out of American Idol. Oh well! He’ll be back at 30 something million a year.
    And Nicole finally wakes up and is trying to save her kids from Scientology. My question is what took her so long???
    Bottom Line: A Winner! Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards GLOBE DELIVERS SAD MICHAEL J. FOX NEWS
    NATIONAL ENQUIRER: FACE-OFF BETWEEN OPRAH & RACHAEL RAY!


    April 30th, 2008

    Pasetsky’s Cover Critique
    This week’s cover is jam-packed with some juicy stories.
    Leading off is Oprah telling Rachael Ray ”You make me Sick” — the line of the week.
    Does anyone find this surprising?

    It’s about time Oprah told off that thankless Rachael Ray.
    In other news, Kirstie is getting heavier and National Enquirer points out her “fat ankles.” That’s a new one. How does one loose weight in their ankles? Also, not sure why they covered up the main pic with the text???
    And Angelina caught on tape doing heroin? Thankfully it's probably in the distant past.
    Bottom Line: National Enquirer readers will love this cover! Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards NATIONAL ENQUIRER: FACE-OFF BETWEEN OPRAH & RACHAEL RAY!

    LIFE & STYLE SAYS “BRITNEY SPEARS & KEVIN FEDERLINE REUNITING!”


    April 30th, 2008

    Pasetsky’s Cover Review
    Compared to sister publication In Touch which features exclusive photos of Jen Aniston and John Mayer, this will be a tough week for Life & Style.
    On a positive note, this is one of the better compilation photos created by a celebrity weekly of Britney’s boys.
    And “Welcome Home, Mommy!” is a sweet, emotional line.
    But overall…

    Who cares?
    It’s clear to me as a reader that Britney and Kevin are not “officially back together” because Life & Style is using the word “reuniting.” Why didn’t they just say Back together. Cuz they’re not!
    In other news, Jen’s dating John Mayer and it looks like In Touch let Life & Style in on it’s big world exclusive by letting the mag use a photo for an inset.
    Wait a minute! In Touch doesn’t have the exclusive.
    Finally, Jamie Lynn is having a girl. How do they know this? (At the end of the day, you have a 50/50 chance of guessing right.) But something tells me this is no more than a guess.
    Bottom Line: Look for In Touch to roll over Life & Style and OK this week! Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards LIFE & STYLE SAYS “BRITNEY SPEARS & KEVIN FEDERLINE REUNITING!”

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    Elite Member southernbelle's Avatar
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    Jessica Simpson calls Tony "my future husband": Right. She also said that about Adam Levine, John Mayer, and Lord knows how many other guys who weren't aware she was even anything more than a fuckbuddy.

    Miley Cyrus Fury over Topless Pic: "Ah'm sooo mad they wouldn't let me show mah boobies because ah'm only 15. Ah'm real deep and artsy, y'all. Ah should be able to express mahself like an adult so people take me seriously."

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    "Its her or me!" (maybe not such a good utimatum, Bill)

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    I'd like to know what Star found out...

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    Default RE: Enquirer cover

    Angelina caught on tape doing heroin? That explains the weight loss and the veins.

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    I want to see the Oprah/Rachael Ray scandal. I hate Rachael Ray with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns...even more than I hate The Oprah.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily View Post
    I want to see the Oprah/Rachael Ray scandal. I hate Rachael Ray with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns...even more than I hate The Oprah.
    According to TMZ, Ray got wasted and made racist remarks about the woman who helped launch Ray's daytime TV talk show – Oprah Winfrey – at a group dinner in December 2005.
    The meal took place at the restaurant Houston’s in an L.A. mall (the horror!) shortly before the perky chef’s show was sold.
    Ray had “at least four big glasses of red wine,” became "extremely loud and aggressive," and began hating on Oprah.
    She reportedly described for the group a portrait of Oprah from the movie Beloved that sits in the lobby of Harpo Productions in Chicago. The photo features Winfrey dressed as a slave, her bare back enhanced with scars.
    "Why is she wearing slave drag?” Ray ranted at the dinner. “She obviously has problems being black."
    For good measure, the one-time FHM pin-up girl weighed in on Brangelina, calling Brad Pitt a "p-ssy boy" and Angelina Jolie a "skanky, backdoor c-nt."

    ***
    Found this but it's older unless O and Man Hands have a new feud going on...

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    ^^Way to ingratiate yourself, Rat face Ray.

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    I've always suspected she was a Grade-A Bitch. Yay! Though, I will give her props for hating on Brangelina. Hating on Oprah, who MADE her? Oh no you DI'INT!

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    What is that stuff on Michael J Fox's face?

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    I have a newfound respect for Rachel Ray for calling Angelina a skanky backdoor cunt!

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