US tabloid cover roundup: May 1st, 2008

[ingi]

LIFE & STYLE SAYS ANGELINA JOLIE IS RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL!


Pasetsky’s Cover Critique
Wow! Sounds scary.
Angie was rushed to the hospital, according to Richard Spencer’s Life & Style.
Looks like CoverAwards has some fans at Life & Style.On Monday, I suggested that one of the celebrity weeklies would be well-served by creating a cover that “humanizes” Angelina.
And this one certainly does that.
The picture is of Angelina is very strong. Angie looks hurt, sad and makes me want to find out what happened to her.
On another note, doesn’t Brad look ridiculous. Why would someone like Brad Pitt have to “scramble” to get Angie medical care. He sounds like a bumbling fool.
On to the insets, “What Mom [Lynne Spears] Really Thinks.”
This line is weak and would not get me to buy the magazine. Plus, the word “really” should be permanently banned.
And more babies for J. Lo. Yawn! And the UPC code is cutting off J. Lo at the neck. Bad design!
Bottom Line: A close to rate-base sale for Life & Style —very close Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » LIFE & STYLE SAYS ANGELINA JOLIE IS RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL!
IN TOUCH EXPLAINS WHAT WENT WRONG WITH TOM & KATIE!


Pasetsky’s Cover Critique
How do you know that Richard Spencer’s In Touch had a strong sale last week?
Well, they basically have the same story this week.
In case you don’t feel like clicking through, In Touch reported that Tom & Katie were dunzo. (Inside the mag, the story detailed how the fairytale was over.)
So this week we find out….

What went wrong.
There are no NEW DETAILS on the cover that make me as a reader believe that I’m getting something new from the In Touch news organization.
“The truth about what’s tearing them apart.” It says NOTHING.
Also - there are pictures everywhere showing Tom & Katie celebrating Suri’s birthday. So Tom & Katie are celebrating Suri’s birthday and breaking up? The reader won’t buy this.
And ALL the insets on this cover are BORING.
Drew’s man “kissing another woman.” Who cares?
Ashlee Simpson “drinking while pregnant.” She should know better — if this is true. But more importantly, the readers don’t really like Ashlee so why put this story on the cover - especially if you have to put a question mark at the end of the line.
Bottom Line: The days of soap opera covers are over (following the same story the following week with no details in this hyper-competitive 24/7 celebrity news market). I predict In Touch to see a major drop-off from last week’s sales. Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » IN TOUCH EXPLAINS WHAT WENT WRONG WITH TOM & KATIE!
OK MAGAZINE SAYS “KATIE HOLMES FIGHTS BACK”


Pasetsky’s Cover Critique
How do you know that In Touch had a super strong sale?
Not only did In Touch follow its own cover with basically the same story this week, it’s main competitor OK magazine comes out with Katie’s side of the story.
She’s fighting back and says “Don’t Mess with My Family.”
This is a stronger than usual line from the OK team.
It would be even stronger if there were specifics in the dek that backed up the headline.
In other news, Jennifer Aniston has a “new face.” My first question is where is the old one?
And we get to go to the gym with Britney. No thanks! Plus, this is a terrible picture for a “fitness” story.
Bottom Line: The readers don’t like a happy TomKat story, which means a BAD week for OK and ANOTHER week missing the rate base.
Read more
JANICE MIN’S US WEEKLY’S OBSESSION WITH SHILOH!


PASETSKY’S COVER CRITIQUE
I have to give Janice Min credit.
Why?

She started the baby cover trend with covers like this one.
Sure, babies have been on covers for years, but making a celebrity baby photo the main image is a Janice Min special.
And she obviously doesn’t have many other NEW tricks up her sleeve!
I feel like I’ve seen this SAME cover tens of times before.
It feels old - especially the pictures.
The line “Baby Album” is flat and lacks any sense of urgency.
One note on the sidebar, I can’t believe US Weekly included Eli Manning’s wedding photo on the cover. Isn’t US Weekly a national celebrity weekly? Who outside of the metro area will care about Eli’s wedding?
BOTTOM LINE: This cover WILL TANK on the newsstand Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » JANICE MIN’S US WEEKLY’S OBSESSION WITH SHILOH!

[ingi]

STAR COVER SHOWS OFF BRITNEY SPEARS’ NEW BIKINI BODY


PASETSKY’S COVER CRITIQUE
My first reaction to this cover is confusion!
I’m not sure that Star knew what to do with these “exclusive” photos of Britney.
Yes, she looks good but is it the right picture for a bikini body cover?

I (unfortunately) don’t think so.
I say unfortunately because in society we expect our stars to look super-slim. Here Britney doesn’t look that way.
The other piece that’s missing from this cover is a before pic - which would prove that Britney looks better and support Stars claim that Britney lost “20 lbs in 30 days.”
On a positive note, at least Star is using pictures from 2008 unlike OK Magazine’s recent Britney diet cover.
In other news, Lindsay Lohan had a drunken rampage and guess what — she’s in the same spot “drunk” on Star’s cover as she was a few weeks ago.
Keep up the good rehab work Lindsay, because Star has an inset ready and waiting for you!
Bottom Line: Candace Trunzo got excited by her “exclusive” Britney beach pics, but newsstand buyers won’t buy it. Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » STAR COVER SHOWS OFF BRITNEY SPEARS’ NEW BIKINI BODY OBAMA’S MARRIAGE EXPLODES! (ACCORDING TO NATIONAL ENQUIRER)

Pasetsky’s Cover Critique
Poor Barack Obama!
He loses in Pennsylvania and he wakes up to this cover.

His wife Michelle is “confronting him over cheating.”
If we learned anything in the primary last night, there are many questions now being raised about Barack Obama.
This won’t help his cause.
In other news, Demi Moore had a $500,000 total body makeover. Well, at least it look likes she got her money’s worth.
And two former rehab attendees are back to boozing reports the National Enquirer.
Both Drew Barrymore and Nicole Richie appear to be battling their demons again!
Bottom Line: Strong timing for dramatic Barack cover will translate into strong sales for David Perel’s National Enquirer.
Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » BARACK OBAMA’S MARRIAGE EXPLODES ACCORDING TO NATIONAL ENQUIRER
GLOBE GOES GAY!


According to Tony Frost’s Globe, Hillary is involved in some gay love scandal that was already old news months ago.

I don’t buy it and I don’t think readers will buy it.
Middle-America won’t put this on their bedside reading table.
What’s sad for Globe is that the mag wasted some really good insets.
Tom Cruise Exposed/Can Kirstie Alley escape cult? is a great line and the story should have been the main cover.
Bottom Line: Not so good Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » GLOBE GOES GAY!
RADAR’S GENIUS COVER!


PASETSKY’S COVER CRITIQUE
Just hitting newsstands, here’s Maer Roshan’s latest issue of Radar.
Hysterical!
It’s Maddox and Suri like we’ve never seen them before.
Maddox is holding a copy of Life & Style, which asks “Where’s Suri?”
Tom & Katie Cruise should thank Maddox for finding her!
Why can’t more celeb weeklies come up with concepts like this one? Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » RADAR’S GENIUS COVER!

[Sasha]

Shiloh actually looks 2 years old!

[ingi]

Maddox rules, he is the p.i.m.p

[HWBL]

"Shiloh, most beautiful baby" Idiots.
She'd already be the fugliest if she were part of my family.

[Belinda]

Shiloh actually looks 2 years old!

ITA... Suri looks like she's ready to start kindergarten

[ingi]

Patrick Swayze says goodbye to his wife.

[southernbelle]

Shiloh actually looks 2 years old!

Yep. It's the most obvious that they're lying about Suri's age when you compare her to other kids "her age".

[purple rain]

I love how the Us cover declares Shiloh "the most beautiful baby in the world," and in the pic they use Shiloh looks like a chubby, slow baby boy. Honestly, I don't see anything special about Shiloh's looks. She's a generic baby.

Us is lame. They seem to alternate between the Z-list dramas of the talentless 'Hills' crew, and putting babies on the cover.

[MissVenus]

WOW... it just shows how much older than 2 Suri really is when you see a picture of Shiloh - who really IS 2.

Creepy Cruise Clan (The CCC) aren't fooling anyone.

[tkdgirl]

Shiloh still looks special to me.