US tabloid cover roundup for April 15, 2008 issues

ingi · April 10th, 2008, 09:20 AM

GLOBE COVER SAYS “REGIS PHILBIN IS OUT AND RYAN SEACREST IS IN”

First things first!
If Ryan Seacrest really thinks he can handle another job he should have his head examined.

He’s already the host of American Idol, E News, his own radio show and he hosts countless events.
We all know Regis has had his heart problems, but young Ryan will be facing some heart problems of his own if this workaholic behavior continues.
In other news, Globe features a crazy picture of Rosie “bullying” her 12-year-old son. Plus, there are more photos inside! Not good Rosie!
I could care less about James Brown at this point — even if he was poisoned.
And I slightly care about Charlton Heston’s secret he took to the grave.
Bottom Line: Two strong cover stories plus a celeb death photo on the cover and Globe will do better than its average on the newsstand. Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » GLOBE COVER SAYS “REGIS PHILBIN IS OUT AND RYAN SEACREST IS IN” N TOUCH WEEKLY COVER SAYS “BRITNEY SPEARS RELAPSES”

I was really hoping that none of the celebrity weeklies would attack Britney this week.
But I knew it was unavoidable.
My first reaction to In Touch’s cover was complete disbelief.

I haven’t seen anything but model behavior from Brit over the past couple of weeks so this came as a complete surprise.
The In Touch photo department found this picture of Britney holding a drink. This image coupled with the line “Britney Relapses” definitely leads the reader to believe that Britney is drinking again. But do you think her dad would let her walk around with an alcoholic drink in public? I don’t think so!
The dek says Brit’s ripping her hair out! Is she literally ripping her hair out? Or is this based on the expression “ripping your hair out.” I bet it’s the ”expression,” especially since her parents will not leave her ALONE.
We also learn that Britney faked an overdose. How strange!
And she’s talking to herself. (OMG, I was just doing that! Am I heading for a relapse?)
PLUS: Britney is obsessed with sex. (If this is relapse behavior, get ready Promises because you are going to have a ton of celebrities entering your gates for a dose of rehabilitation.)
Bottom Line for sales: Not good. The public just may be on Britney’s side right now and is so tired of this story. Even if she relapsed, that shouldn’t be such huge news.

ingi · April 10th, 2008, 09:23 AM

OK! MAGAZINE’S COVER SAYS JEN ANISTON & ORLANDO BLOOM ARE “MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS”

It’s time for an exciting episode of inside OK Magazine’s cover meeting!
EIC: What should we do this week OK gang?
Junior Editor: How bout Britney and Kevin getting back together?
EIC: Hmmm. We caught a lot of slack for using that old Britney picture last week. I think we better stay away from Britney for at least a week. Any other ideas?

Senior Editor: What about Jen. I’ve been wondering why she hasn’t found a man.
EIC: Me too! You know Jen and Orlando have had some “flirty nights.” A few weeks ago they were at some benefit. Let’s dig up those pictures and go for a cover. America loves Jen and would love to see her with a hottie like Orlando bloom.
OK Team: Hooray!
EIC: Now what should be our cover line?
Creative Director: What do you think of “Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places.”
EIC: No, no, no! It needs to be tighter and it needs to have the word friend in it. Afterall, Americans see Jen as their favorite “friend.” Get it!
OK Team: Yes! (Followed by loud applause!)
EIC: What about “MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS!”
OK Team: Everyone gets up and screams at the top of their lungs. “Yes!” (It’s almost like a scene from that hair commercial.)
Is this how OK came up with this horrific cover? I can’t be certain but this cover is TERRIBLE.
The main line “MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS” is cheezy and made me partially puke in my mouth. Any reference to Jen Aniston and ‘Friends’ AT THIS POINT IN TIME is way too dated.
Plus, I don’t believe that Jen and Orlando are a couple or will ever be a couple. Is it just me or does Jen look like his older sister or dare I say his mother?
Let’s move to Jamie Lynn’s pregnant prom night. Who selected this photo of Jamie Lynn? It’s way off the mark. At least show the poor girl in a dress.
Bottom Line: Another issue for OK that will miss its rate base! Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » OK! MAGAZINE’S COVER SAYS JEN ANISTON & ORLANDO BLOOM ARE “MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS”
NATIONAL ENQUIRER COVER SAYS “DR PHIL’S WIFE WALKS OUT”

I say what took you so long Robin?
Dr. Phil seems to be one of those big hypocrites. He acts like he’s the perfect husband — we’ve all seen him gratuitiously walk Robin off the show! But he seems like could be be a total pain in the ass to live with. Don’t you think?
Do I believe this cover to be 100 percent true? Not really. But it is entertaining.
Why you ask?
It’s the famous “WALK OUT” line. This could be one of a hundred different things. Robin could have left for work, went to the gym or simply left to get some fresh air. It doesn’t mean she’s walked out for good.
In other news that pregnant man can’t get a main cover story and I don’t understand why??? This week the National Enquirer is reporting that he tried to jumped off a building! Why isn’t this the cover?
And you have to hand it to the National Enquirer to have the last pictures of Charlton Heston. I have to admit that I immediately turned to that story to see what they looked like.
Bottom Line: Not a bad week for the National Enquirer Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » NATIONAL ENQUIRER COVER SAYS “DR PHIL’S WIFE WALKS OUT”

Sasha · April 10th, 2008, 09:29 AM

"Regis out, Ryan in?"

If this were true and I was Kelly Rippa, I'd start killing people.

ingi · April 10th, 2008, 09:30 AM

"Oprah cursed out in public by Steadman's drunk daughter!" must have been a slow news week...

but 'Pregnant Man tries to jump off building' is pure gold!

ingi · April 10th, 2008, 09:33 AM

US WEEKLY GOES INSIDE BEYONCE’S WEDDING!

As I predicted earlier this week, one of the celebrity weeklies would go for Beyonce’s wedding.
I’m glad Janice Min followed my advice because this issue will sell very well! (Except if People Magazine scored exclusive wedding photos. Then, they are totally and completely f%#c*d!)
The cover photo of Beyonce is stunning and she’s looking at you straight in the eyes. This will really POP off the newsstand.
While the photo is strong, the main line “Inside Beyonce’s Wedding” is TOTALLY BORING. Is that the best they could come up with?

Janice does offer some NEW details that I don’t think the average reader is aware of including two dresses and 60,000 flowers. By offering these types of specific details, the reader will believe that Us Weekly is delivering a unique story.
Moving on to Jamie Lynn Spears who was apparently “abandoned by her mama.” I don’t get this inset. It feels old! Hasn’t her mom been with Britney for weeks?
Finally, Janice continues to offer political coverage on the cover of Us Weekly and I have to admit I thought this was a big mistake for a celebrity weekly.
But after thinking about it for the past few weeks, I have to admit I was WRONG! (Don’t fall out of your chair.)
Why? Everywhere you go people are talking about the election. And the candidates have become celebrities.
In a time when there is very little happening in the world of celebrity, why not add them to the list? Sure, many readers who support one side may be turned off by a story, e.g. Republicans obviously don’t favor this Bill and Michelle inset.
But that is the case even in the world of celebrity.
Bottom Line: Janice Min should not be so rattled this week. (until People's Mag cover comes out) Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » US WEEKLY GOES INSIDE BEYONCE’S WEDDING!
LIFE & STYLE’S COVER TELLS YOU HOW “J. LO LOST 40LBS!”

Many of you will be surprised when I tell you this but I’m very close to J. Lo and she told me how she lost the weight!
First, she gave birth! That was the first 8-10 lbs.
Then she hired a stylist who selected very flattering clothing like the dress on the cover of Life & Style that effectively hides any of the 20 - 30 lbs that J. Lo will lose eventually.
OK, I was kidding about knowing J. Lo. But as a reader I don’t REALLY believe that she lost 40lbs ALREADY!

Life & Style offers her no-starve diet as one part of her plan. What does no-starve mean??? Have you ever been on a diet where you weren’t STARVING???
J. Lo has also discovered an “easy” workout. I’m sorry but there is no such thing as an EASY workout if you’re trying to lose 40lbs.
Moving on. Oh, wait before I do. I need to remind you that I predicted this cover earlier this week.
Life & Style goes inside Beyonce’s wedding but offers nothing specific on the cover. So I don’t believe that they were really “inside the wedding.”
I love the picture of Katie’s new hair - she totally looks like a boy! HA! What does that mean? Does Tom like her boyish look?
Then Ashton & his hot co-star are pictured in a pool. L&S asks if Demi should be worried?
Here’s my advice to Demi. You married Ashton Kutcher who is like 15 years younger than you. Be happy and let him do what he wants because all that worrying will only lead to more wrinkles. And you know what that means!
Bottom Line: A so-so week for Life & Style kinda like the rest of the year-to-date. Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » LIFE & STYLE’S COVER TELLS YOU HOW “J. LO LOST 40LBS!”
STAR COVER SHOWS BODY AFTER BABY!

LAME! LAME! LAME!
Candace, this is one of the worst covers this year and it will tank on the newsstand.
The main line “Body After Baby” falls completely flat and is uninspired.

The dek is ”Winners and Losers — in the stuggle to shape up.” Are you actually calling a woman who gave birth a loser cuz she didn’t lose all the baby weight fast enough for you Candace?
Bottom Line: Awful! http://coverawards.com/2008/04/09/star-2/

ingi · April 10th, 2008, 07:38 PM

Janice Min's Nightmare: PEOPLE’S COVER FEATURES BEYONCE’S SECRET WEDDING

People magazine is the second celebrity weekly to feature Beyonce’s wedding on the cover — Us Weekly being the first.
Again, she looks radiant and it even looks like she’s wearing a wedding dress. What’s the secret?

(This is an old photo!)
A smart, but tabloid move, by Larry Hackett. The reader will believe that People has the actual wedding photos.
People also provides an added feature on upcoming celebrity weddings.
What’s missing on People’s cover are any details relating to the wedding, which is what Us Weekly delivered on its cover.
It’ll be a battle on the newsstand. Can’t wait to see who wins this one! Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » PEOPLE’S COVER FEATURES BEYONCE’S SECRET WEDDING
Bottom Line: The white dress gives People the edge.