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Tabloid cover magazine roundup: April 8, 2008 - Jennifer Aniston adopting!!!
April 02nd, 2008
NATIONAL ENQUIRER HAS ABSOLUTELY NO SHAME — JENNIFER ANISTON TO ADOPT!
Warning to all celebrities!
If there is ever a chance that you will be a big, big star and entering your late 30s/early 40s and you may not have kids at that point: NEVER CARRY A BABY IN PUBLIC.
What are the details on this story. Ooooh! We get “his name.” Plus, the nursery and clearly Jen is sparing no expense by shelling out nearly $300k. Let’s add some more Jen misery to the mix and talk about her “secret” miscarriage. Again, in case you didn’t read earlier today the word “secret” usually accompanies a story that can’t be confirmed or denied.
In other National Enquirer news, David Perel brings us the story of ANOTHER pregnant man. OMFG!
Top inset is strong with Nicole Richie’s crash diet - and should have been given more play on this cover.
Bottom Line: Cover will sell cuz you can never underestimate the American publics gullalibility! Many old ladies in Topeka will no doubt BELIEVE that Jen is carrying her newly adopted son. I’m not kidding!
Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » NATIONAL ENQUIRER HAS NO SHAME — JEN ANISTON TO ADOPT!
April 02nd, 2008
Globe , Patrick Swayze , Tony Frost
GLOBE SEES NO HOPE FOR PATRICK SWAYZE
Sad for Patrick Swayze. I mean really sad!
So how do I say this delicately???
This is a strong cover for Tony Frost and the Globe. It’s emotional and compelling.
The main line “No Hope” says it all! Plus, the pic of Patrick smoking (although old at this point) is great visual evidence. It basically says to me that he’s given up and doesn’t give a shit. He will smoke all he wants.
Bottom Line: Increase in sales for The Globe and a very smart move by Tony Frost! Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » GLOBE SEES NO HOPE FOR PATRICK SWAYZE April 02nd, 2008
Angelina Jolie Sex Scandal , In Touch Weekly , Richard Spencer
ANGELINA JOLIE’S SEX SCANDAL REVEALED ON INTOUCH COVER!
Let me guess.
Last week’s happy, happy, joy, joy wedding cover didn’t do that well.
So Richard Spencer’s In Touch still believes in some good old fashioned raunchy 'bad girl' Angelina. (In scandalous Angelina we trust!) And someone in the photo department googled up/bought the rights to more of these STEAMY pictures of an under-aged Angelina Jolie.
The cover provides great promise with ”what she said during the shoot was even more shocking.” Personally I can’t wait to see what a crazy 16 year-old girl said as relayed to a pseudo-porn cameraman moonlighting doing headshots.
“How Janet Got Thin, Again” is one of the insets. As I predicted, this was an obvious story to go for this week.
Bottom Line: Readers love reading even old quotes about people talking shit on Angelina so this will inevitably do well on the newsstand. Not as well as those olden golden days of yore, but well.
April 02nd, 2008
BRITNEY & KEVIN’S SECRET GETAWAY WEEKEND!
Oh Candace Trunzo - you’ve out done yourself on this one.
My immediate reaction to this story is that this is total BS!
And my reaction was confirmed when I opened to page 49 and read the intro to the story:
“After a quite meeting over Easter, the exes ARE PLANNING a getaway weekend with the kids in Maui!
Notice that the words ARE PLANNING are NOT on the cover.
Candace, you’re tricking the reader and you know it. Shame on you!
The old picture doesn’t help this cover either. That was the first tip-off that this story was weak!
Another clue is the word “Secret.” Anything that is a secret can not be confirmed or denied.
And now let’s look at the pathetic insets.
Shiloh’s chipped tooth? Who did it? Star actually goes there. You know where. They are (in my mind) suggesting that one of her loving parents (cough, that inattentive slut Angelina) did it. Ugh!
And Lindsay’s back on drugs. That’s like saying the sky is blue.
Bottom Line: This cover will tank!
April 02nd, 2008
Britney Spears' Mental Illness , Janice Min , US Weekly
US WEEKLY SHARES HOW BRITNEY SPEARS IS LIVING WITH MENTAL ILLNESS
My first reaction to this cover — Great f^&k&n picture of Britney!
It’s emotional. It grabs me because she is looking right at me.
My second reaction to this cover:
DEPRESSING!
Do I really want to know from a celebrity weekly what it’s like to live with mental illness? Janice Min seems to think so.
If you’re into this story, then you’ll like the details because the story seems new.
Let’s move to the insets - which made me laugh (forget poor Brit’s mental illness for just a moment).
Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt sleep in separate beds because they are actors. Otherwise, there would be absolutely no drama on the Hills.
And “Why Carrie and Chace Split.” Not only does this story feel super-old but we all know why they split. Chace wants to spend more gay guy time with J.C.
Bottom Line: This week for US Weekly is a toss up and really could go either way on the newsstand. I believe the picture is so strong that it will do quite well. Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » US WEEKLY SHARES HOW BRITNEY SPEARS IS LIVING WITH MENTAL ILLNESS
April 02nd, 2008
Britney Spears Diet , OK Magazine , Sarah Ivens
OK! STRIKES GOLD WITH BRITNEY SPEARS DIET COVER?
Sarah Iven’s OK Magazine pulls out a shockingly good cover this week for many reasons.
Public sentiment is on Britney’s side so the reader will again want to look like Britney - at least the one they saw on “How I Met Your Mother.”
It’s also diet season! What reader would not want a fast fix for their body as they get ready to head to the beach.
Visually, Ivens shows the before picture so you have the evidence that Britney was FAT just a month ago.
No pills or Lipo for Brit? Not sure if I believe that to be true but you never know.
Bottom Line: This issue will sell way above OK Magazine’s weekly average on the newsstand! (because of the good Britney cover) Mark Pasetsky’s Cover Awards » OK! STRIKES WITH BRITNEY SPEARS DIET COVER!
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) and her clock is ticking! If she is adopting, good for her!
Originally Posted by Raspberry gashes
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