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Thread: Ethan Hawke calls former wife Uma Thurman 'a big fat beast' in public

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    Default Ethan Hawke calls former wife Uma Thurman 'a big fat beast' in public

    Ethan Hawke Is SO Not Over Uma




    At first, when the sound equipment failed and random musicians began taking the stage for impromptu sets between the 24-Hour Plays being performed at the Atlantic Theater, it was grim. Between the first two plays, a person who may or may not have been a stagehand came out and performed an Ani DiFranco song. Later, she sang an Irish ditty, it being S Patrick's Day. We looked around. What torture would come next? Then something inexplicable and magical happened.

    Out of nowhere, actor Ethan Hawke hopped up onstage, strapped on an acoustic guitar and bared his soul to the audience. "Someone I know wrote this song while shooting a movie in Paris during his divorce," he said. We, along with the rest of the audience, gasped. He was totally talking about himself, and more important, Uma Thurman!

    Wait, but didn't they get divorced like seventeen years ago? Who cares, we said to ourselves, because by the way, Ethan looks good. He proceeded to sing a ditty that included lyrics about "not caring if [he] ever saw New York City again," "the lawyers," and most telling "my wife." Uma! "My wife hates me," he sang, adding something about how she would call him a prick, how he longed to send for his children, tralalala singing stuff. We were intoxicated, both with beverages and with memories of Dead Poets Society. And then! "My wife is a big fat beast," he sang. We gasped, along with the rest of the audience. He called Uma fat! In public! Sheepishly, Hawke broke his musicianly stride: "Yeah, I was very upset at the time." And still is, we suspect.

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    Didn't he cheat and cause his divorce? He's got a nerve.

    I'd still do him.

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    Gold Member heathersharon's Avatar
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    "Well, should I get married, should I be good, should I astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and my faustushood and not take her to movies but to cemeteries and tell her stories of werewolf tongues and four clarinets... What 'Hey, That's My Bike' would like to do as a band is travel the countryside like Woody Guthrie."

    Oh my god, he's still Troy, even after all these years. Douchebag.



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    Elite Member NicoleWasHere's Avatar
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    What a fucking jerk.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sasha View Post
    Didn't he cheat and cause his divorce? He's got a nerve.

    I'd still do him.
    Before Sunrise and Slackers were good too.

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    Elite Member ManxMouse's Avatar
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    Runty, scraggly little douchebag.

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    Elite Member Novice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sasha View Post
    Didn't he cheat and cause his divorce? He's got a nerve.

    I'd still do him.
    Really? He looks like the elephant man, esp with half his face in shade.
    Maybe if she'd not found out that he was shagging the nanny they'd still be married?
    Free Charmed.

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    Elite Member mrs.v's Avatar
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    fuck off loser.
    eat a hot bowl of dicks.

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    who did he cheat with?

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    Elite Member Lobelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ManxMouse View Post
    Runty, scraggly little douchebag.
    Ugh, thank you. I've never found him remotely attractive. I always imagine him to reek of cigarette smoke, after seeing him in Reality Bites.
    "I've cautiously embraced jeggings"
    Emma Peel aka Pacific Breeze aka Wilde1 aka gogodancer aka maribou

    Yip, yip, yip in your tiny indignation. Bark furiously on, lady dog.

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    Elite Member VenusInFauxFurs's Avatar
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    Dear Ethan,

    Please wash and eat a vegetable and STFU.

    Love Venus.
    When your daughter plays "House," she pretends to be an annoying doctor with a pill-addiction and a limp.

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    Elite Member WhateverLolaWants's Avatar
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    Got a pothead mama and a cokehead dad
    I'm an ultramodern version of the american man

    I don't feel good and I don't feel bad
    Me, see, I'm nothing.


    I can't believe I still have that garbage memorized

    /wore out that cassette tape wishing I was Wynona
    ----------------------------
    There will be times you might leap before you look
    There'll be times you'll like the cover and that's precisely why you'll love the book
    Do it anyway

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    Elite Member VenusInFauxFurs's Avatar
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    God I had that soundtrack too Lola
    When your daughter plays "House," she pretends to be an annoying doctor with a pill-addiction and a limp.

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    Elite Member WhateverLolaWants's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VenusInFauxFurs View Post
    God I had that soundtrack too Lola
    And here we are admitting it on the interwebs. We'll have to remember not to google ourselves...
    ----------------------------
    There will be times you might leap before you look
    There'll be times you'll like the cover and that's precisely why you'll love the book
    Do it anyway

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    Elite Member Sojiita's Avatar
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    Well even if he is a douche, big fat beast is better than the usual big fat cow..beast just has a nice ring to it..ya know?
    Don't slap me, cause I'm not in the mood!

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