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Thread: Shia LaBeouf - Accused of Abuse

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    Default Shia LaBeouf - Accused of Abuse

    FKA twigs Reveals She Was Abused by Shia LaBeouf

    On Friday The New York Times reported on FKA twigs’ lawsuit against Shia LaBeouf; she is accusing him of “sexual battery, assault and infliction of emotional distress”. She and Carolyn Pho, who also dated Shia, were both interviewed by the NYT and provided details of the abuse they experienced during their relationships. As twigs, born Tahliah Debrett Barnett, shared on social media, she went public with her story because she wants to raise awareness about violence, emotional and physical, in intimate partner relationships and let those who’ve been there or who are currently there know that they are not alone, that it can happen to anyone – even if you have the resources, even if you’re a famous artist, even if you have money.

    Per the NYT, twigs “said she plans to donate a significant portion of any monetary damages to domestic-violence charities. “It was actually very expensive, and a massive undertaking of time and resources, to get out.”

    And while that’s not the most important point, it is an important point – because financial compensation is one of the ways those who undermine abuse survivors criticise and attempt to discredit their claims: by accusing them of going for a payday, as if the only true victims are the ones who walk away with nothing but their honour. It’s so gross, thinking like this, but probably many of us have been guilty of it, conditioning to think of money in part, large part arguably, by way of the patriarchy. Through history, it’s been men who’ve had access to money, so they’ve defined the how, when, where, and why it should be obtained. All of this, of course, relates to value, and where we place it. And, as we know, women have traditionally been UNDERvalued. Which means that what women consider to be valuable is less valuable than men. A woman’s safety. A woman’s agency. If those things aren’t valued as highly, or at all, then of course a woman suing a man for jeopardising them is going to be seen as a cash grab.

    So while I definitely appreciate twigs’ explanation of what she plans to do with any financial settlement out of this lawsuit, and donating it to support domestic violence victims, I equally appreciate and am frustrated by the fact that she had to spell out what it COST her (the expense and the “massive undertaking of time and resources”) to “get out”.

    Of course what’s most significant here is that her story is so relatable for so many – which is why she decided to come forward. She and Carolyn describe disturbing incidents during which Shia made them fear for their lives but also the small and gradual ways he began to control them: forbidding them from speaking to or looking at male servers; twigs says he insisted that she sleep naked, she was required to tell him every day a specific number of times that she loved him; she even had to agree with him even on which artists they admired. In the moment, these commands are presented as requests from a position of devotion – “I just love you so much and I need to know that you love me back” – which is really camouflage for manipulation. The abuser weaponises his love and when that becomes the “excuse” for the abuse, it becomes harder and harder for the victim to separate love from harm. He makes you think like he’s the one who’s hurting the most and that somehow, you’re the one who has all the power. After a while, his pain becomes the only pain the matters, and the only pain to avoid. And it happens so incrementally, you can’t remember what it means to be happy on your own terms. Over time, as twigs lays out in her lawsuit and her interview with the Times, these insidious daily mental assaults, combined with the physical threats, began to break her:

    “The whole time I was with him, I could have bought myself a business-flight plane ticket back to my four-story townhouse in Hackney,” in London, she said. And yet she didn’t. “He brought me so low, below myself, that the idea of leaving him and having to work myself back up just seemed impossible.”

    In a couple of statements to the NYT, Shia has suggested that what twigs and Carolyn Pho are saying isn’t entirely true while offering a half-ass explanation for his abusive behaviour: his alcoholism and PTSD. And while over the years we have no doubt seen Shia struggling with this disease and working on recovery, twigs’s lawyer, Bryan Freedman, told PEOPLE in a statement that:

    "We tried to resolve this matter privately on the condition that Mr. LaBeouf agree to receive meaningful and consistent psychological treatment. Since he was unwilling to agree to get appropriate help, Ms. Barnett filed this suit to prevent others from unknowingly suffering similar abuse by him."

    It’s not just the addiction then. He can be in recovery from addiction and still abusive and violent – and that requires “meaningful and consistent treatment” too, which evidently he’s been “unwilling” to participate in. And this is what twigs and Carolyn are trying to address, because it’s not enough that he’s committed to sobriety, there is still significant risk that someone else will be hurt, is perhaps currently being hurt, even when he’s sober.

    The danger here is that society, and Hollywood, will give him a pass on domestic abuse because he’s no longer drinking. Professionally Shia’s had a good year. Honey Boy, which he wrote and starred in, based on his own life, was warmly received, as was The Peanut Butter Falcon, in 2019, after which he was referred to as “the greatest actor of [his] generation”. Brad Pitt once called Shia “one of the best actors I’ve seen”. Shia and Brad, by the way, were both part of the Fast Times at Ridgemont High virtual read for charity a few months ago along with Sean Penn. Well there’s an interesting trio, non?

    All three, given their histories, can probably relate and empathise with each other – and THAT’s the f-cking problem, not just in Hollywood but society at large. We’ll always be able to relate to the struggles of men, because for forever we’ve only been told of the struggles of men. For a lot of people, then, the fact that Shia is in recovery for alcoholism, which is labelled as the source of ALL of his problems, will be enough of a pass to rationalise any ongoing endorsement of him.

    But here’s the thing: nobody, not even twigs, is saying that he should suffer and be blacklisted and cancelled or whatever; what she’s saying, and it’s what all victims of abuse and harassment are pushing for, is for their abusers to call it what it is, and not call it something else as an umbrella for the thing that they know to be true. If you can’t name it, how can you change it?

    Since the NYT initially published their report on twigs, they’ve followed up with another article about how other abuse survivors have responded to her courage and they’re sharing their own stories, with striking similarities. These are the stories that need to be amplified so that they become familiar, as familiar if not more, than the stories of the abusers.

    https://www.laineygossip.com/fka-twi...rk-times/67672

    Sia says Shia LaBeouf ‘conned’ her into an ‘adulterous’ relationship

    Sia has claimed she was “conned” into an affair with “pathological liar” Shia LaBeouf — warning women to “stay away” from the “very sick” Hollywood star.

    The usually secretive 44-year-old Australian opened up after FKA Twigs accused the “Transformers” star of sexual battery, assault and infliction of emotional distress in a lawsuit.

    “I too have been hurt emotionally by Shia, a pathological liar, who conned me into an adulterous relationship claiming to be single,” Sia tweeted late Saturday of the actor who appeared in her video for 2015’s “Elastic Heart.”

    “I believe he’s very sick and have compassion for him AND his victims,” she wrote.

    “Just know, if you love yourself- stay safe, stay away,” she said.

    “Also I love you ⁦@FKAtwigs. This is very courageous and I’m very proud of you,” she added, sharing news stories of her fellow singer’s lawsuit.

    While she did not elaborate on their “adulterous relationship,” Sia worked with LaBeouf for her “Elastic Heart,” which was released in January 2015 — when the actor was dating Mia Goth, whom he met in 2012.

    He later married Goth in a Las Vegas ceremony in 2016 streamed on TMZ.

    The couple split in 2018 — when the actor started seeing Twigs — with a rep telling Page Six at the time, “Shia and Mia have filed for divorce. The separation is amicable, and all details pertaining to the divorce proceedings will remain private.”

    However, they were spotted wearing wedding rings in March 2020 while riding bikes together in Los Angeles. Neither has confirmed a reconciliation.

    https://pagesix.com/2020/12/13/sia-s...terous-affair/
    can't post pics because my computer's broken and i'm stupid

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    Elite Member Tiny Pixie's Avatar
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    My heart is with them.
    I was victim of abuse from an ex partner, and it's terribly difficult to:
    - realise it's not your fault
    - acknowledge that you're a victim of abuse
    - explain that all those small details that people easily shrug off when you complain about them end up making an ocean of "small things"
    - being seen as the bad guy anyway because your ex partner was a manipulative piece of shit.
    I can relate to a lot of what they say and feel the exact feeling they're trying to convey. It's not easy to explain how someone who's supposed to love you and who - in front of everybody else - is always so nice, actually manages to make you feel like a worthless worm


    I do feel sorry for Shia because he obviously has a ton of shit to process, but this:
    "and THAT’s the f-cking problem, not just in Hollywood but society at large. We’ll always be able to relate to the struggles of men, because for forever we’ve only been told of the struggles of men. For a lot of people, then, the fact that Shia is in recovery for alcoholism, which is labelled as the source of ALL of his problems, will be enough of a pass to rationalise any ongoing endorsement of him."
    is absolutely true.
    Fluctuat nec mergitur
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    Elite Member funky_chicken's Avatar
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    I don't think it's news that he's an ashole towards other people and he's losing his shit. But I had no idea HOW much of an ashole he is.

    at least it seems like he's taking responsibilty:

    “I’m not in any position to tell anyone how my behavior made them feel. I have no excuses for my alcoholism or aggression, only rationalizations. I have been abusive to myself and everyone around me for years. I have a history of hurting the people closest to me. I’m ashamed of that history and am sorry to those I hurt. There is nothing else I can really say,” Shia said in an email to the Times.
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    Shia needs to get locked up in a psychiatric hospital for a long time to get the help he needs.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    You can spot a guy like this from a mile away, as long as he's shirtless.


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    Quote Originally Posted by MohandasKGanja View Post
    You can spot a guy like this from a mile away, as long as he's shirtless.

    He actually had that chest tatt done for a movie. Like, a real tatt when the makeup department could have applied one.
    mostroop likes this.

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    ^^Wow.

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    Those tattoos are like reading a diary of a journey into madness.
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    Gold Member Lalasnake's Avatar
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    I was more surprised that FKA Twigs dated him than that he was a domestic abuser. I'm glad these women are sharing their stories & that other women know that he's a dangerous person, although it doesn't seem to have stopped anyone from dating Sean Penn.

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    Elite Member Tiny Pixie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lalasnake View Post
    I was more surprised that FKA Twigs dated him than that he was a domestic abuser. I'm glad these women are sharing their stories & that other women know that he's a dangerous person, although it doesn't seem to have stopped anyone from dating Sean Penn.
    I'd say unfortunately, we are still very much brainwashed to believe in toxic bullshit such as:
    - if you love him enough he's gonna change
    - if you're THE ONE the power of your love will magically transform him
    - be persistent, never give up on him, it will pay out in the end

    All of this crap is heavily conveyed in traditional media, I can't count how many "love stories" I've seen that rely on toxic tropes that all depend on women sacrificing themselves because being in a relationship is totally their life goal and justifies sacrificing your mental health.
    I knew my ex was toxic before I dated him. Granted I was 24 and stupid XD but also I remember being SO convinced that WITH ME it will be different. I'll love him more, I won't let him down, I'll understand him and with me it'll be ok.
    Crap, I wish I could tell my 24 year old self that this dumdum was not worth years of therapy.
    Fluctuat nec mergitur
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    He's a complete and utter mess. He needs help. Lots of help.

    I'm not going to give him a pass because he has a disease. The jerk piece of him might be ramped up by alcohol/drugs, but it's always been there.

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    Elite Member Sassiness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Pixie View Post
    I do feel sorry for Shia because he obviously has a ton of shit to process, but this:
    "and THAT’s the f-cking problem, not just in Hollywood but society at large. We’ll always be able to relate to the struggles of men, because for forever we’ve only been told of the struggles of men. For a lot of people, then, the fact that Shia is in recovery for alcoholism, which is labelled as the source of ALL of his problems, will be enough of a pass to rationalise any ongoing endorsement of him."
    is absolutely true.
    Yes.

    I really wish all journalists reporting on domestic abuse and family violence had trauma-informed training and understanding of the complexities of domestic abuse. Or, just the fucking basics... I mean, read Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

    The first 2 chapters are Bancroft outlining all the common excuses made by perpetrators (and broader society!) to excuse domestic abuse... AND WHY EACH AND EVERY EXCUSE IS FUCKING BULLSHIT.

    Oh I'm alcoholic... OK. So you know that, and you're willing to recognise that. Are you willing to get help? Are you able to agree and commit to not coming to the family home when you've been drinking and you know that your risk of committing DFV has increased because you're drunk? Oh no, not willing to do any of that? Then it's an excuse, not a reason.

    Oh I had a bad childhood... again: you willing to get help? Want to change? Do it, and then let's talk.

    Abusers have all the excuses under the sun and society keeps helping them get away with it by making the same fucking excuses

    (Sorry. I work as a DFV lawyer. I've had a fucked year and a bad day in court yesterday, where an abuser was offered the umpteenth chance to "have procedural fairness"/delay the proceedings and not provide my client with a protective order. I'm fucking over it.)

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    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
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    Obvs this Mia Goth chick is still on this merry-go-round with him, unfortunately for her.

    I'm not even being a bitch, because I was on one of my own for years. While raising a kid at that. (Two if you count him)

    I don't even look at things the same anymore. I'll occasionally run into a person I knew years ago...perhaps a friend or coworker from back when I was married...and now see toxic traits that I couldn't before. I'm disappointed and it still floors me. There are certain movies I can't enjoy anymore (particularly your typical romance movies) because all I see now is how they perpetuate and normalize abuse. When you're loving and living with an abuser for years your perceptions get skewed. Being raised on media that tells you a man being extra controlling and domineering is love or supersexy doesn't help.

    I know that I spent such a giant chunk of my adult years where life revolved around another person whose behaviors I was constantly rationalizing and making excuses for. Everything was about keeping his moods in check and me picking my battles carefully to maintain some semblance of peace. There was a shitload of "this is how I am deal with it", hypersensitivity to the smallest perceived slight paradoxically coupled with an extreme lack of sensitivity toward others. Just an underlying anger that was like a powder keg waiting to go off. Only you could never tell from one moment to the next what word or action (or maybe even lack of) would ignite it. You're living in "fight or flight" mode 24/7 and it's exhausting. My health went into the crapper. It took my mind and body at least a year and a half to recover, post no contact. It almost felt like a detox.

    These people will almost never seek or even acknowledge they have a problem until or unless it gets to the point where there are legal and financial ramifications. Or a string of victims with common stories. This is not about substance abuse because these behaviors can and do exist in the absence of it, but substance abuse amplifies the worst of it. Substance abuse among abusers is not uncommon because it's their quick fix way of dealing with their own pain. And a fall back excuse for their shitty treatment of others (oh I was drunk/drinking/using then).
    Last edited by MsDark; December 19th, 2020 at 01:26 AM.
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    Sassiness -- ITA. You conveyed what I was thinking.

    Mrs.Dark -- I am very sorry. I can't imagine how hard that must have been.
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    Elite Member Sassiness's Avatar
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    Ms Dark - you've survived. It's hard. Part of the abuse is making you feel like you have to cover for their shit.
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