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Thread: Alzheimer-Stricken B. Smith’s Husband Takes Care of Her And Has a Girlfriend

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    Elite Member BITTER's Avatar
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    Default Alzheimer-Stricken B. Smith’s Husband Takes Care of Her And Has a Girlfriend

    B. Smith‘s husband Dan Gasby is opening up about caring for the famed restaurateur amid her ongoing battle with Alzheimer’s disease.
    Gasby, who went public with his new girlfriend Alex Lerner in December, recently spoke to Page Six about his wife’s declining health and explained that he is continuously providing the best care for her, despite beginning a new relationship with another woman.
    “Barbara’s being cared for and loved. She’s not in a box. Not struggling or dying,” he reassured the outlet. “I take care of Barbara. I’ll always take care of her.”
    Smith, 69, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s six years ago after Gasby, 65, noticed her become increasingly — and uncharacteristically — moody and forgetful.
    He has since become her full-time caretaker at their East Hampton home, where Lerner, 54, also stays and helps out when she is visiting from Manhattan.
    The news of Smith’s diagnosis came as she was continuing to build her empire. Over the years, she opened three eponymous restaurants, wrote three cookbooks and hosted the nationally syndicated show, B. Smith With Style.
    She also made history as the first African-American woman to grace the cover of Mademoiselle magazine, as well as the first African-American woman to launch her own brand of home goods (at Bed, Bath and Beyond).
    Her restaurants have all closed now, with Smith and Gasby instead turning their attention to Alzheimer’s advocacy work. They even chronicled their experience with the disease in the 2016 memoir, Before I Forget: Love, Hope, Help, and Acceptance in Our Fight Against Alzheimer’s.
    “I have a seven-bedroom house, in partnership with an assisted-living facility, still handling our Bed Bath & Beyond products, working on a documentary about her and trying to do a radio show,” he explained to Page Six. “Diagnosed with dementia in 2013, Barbara then told me to live my life. It would maybe not be bad if I weren’t so lonely.”
    The businessman isn’t the only one who has dedicated his time to ensuring that Smith is properly cared for. The couple’s daughter Dana and Lerner, who Gasby met at a bar in 2017, have also spent time helping his wife.
    “My daughter, Dana, who’s 32, is caring for her. My ladyfriend Alexandra is taking care,” he explained. “We’ve gone through the whole circle of brain foundations.”

    “Alex’s father suffered with this same illness. She saw her father who was all alone become a child,” he continued. “She understands what this is like. She was married, had three children and the husband left her. Look, we all watch over Barbara. We take walks with her. We are all caring for her.”
    And though he’s received criticism for beginning a new relationship as he cares for the famed restaurateur and lifestyle guru, Gasby noted how people don’t truly understand what he’s going through until they’ve experienced it.
    “Everybody tells you how to live your life,” he told Page Six. “But that’s while they’re living theirs and not surviving through our problems. I’m in my 60s. I lived tied up in a box five years. Childlike, Barbara can no longer spell a word.”
    Gasby previously opened up about the challenges he has faced caring for his wife while also beginning a new relationship in a profile for The Washington Post, and later, during an appearance on the Dr. Oz Show.


    He also addressed critics in a post on Facebook, where he explained, “I love my wife but I can’t let her take away my life!”
    In 2016, Gasby told PEOPLE that taking care of Smith was a round-the-clock job.
    It’s the toughest thing I’ve ever dealt with,” he said. “Anybody who is an Alzheimer’s care giver knows exactly what other caregivers are going through. It’s 24/7. The complexity and the intensity of it is very tough.”
    Caring for Smith “is overwhelming most of the time,” Gasby admitted to PEOPLE then. “I’m taking it one day at a time,” he said.
    “It’s extremely difficult,” he added. “At times I feel like I am between the Titanic and the iceberg and the water is cold and it makes a difference which one I get on.”

    ———————

    Is it wrong to judge him? What say GR? I always liked her and remember seeing her modeling photos in magazines. I even watched her short lived cooking show for a while. Is her husband showing a lack of consideration? He says that while his family and friends are supportive, he’s gotten death threats online!
    "To be [black] in this country and to be relativity conscious is to be in a rage almost all of the time." ~ James Baldwin

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    fgg
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    i have no problem with it at all. he's caring for his wife and still living his own life.

    i'd hope my husband would do such a thing for me rather than putting me in a home and forgetting about me. my hope is that if something happens to me at some point, that my husband gets to find love again.
    Serendipity, emkat, Mrs P and 13 others like this.
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    Elite Member ShimmeringGlow's Avatar
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    I don't fault him. Dealing with someone that has Dementia or Alzheimer's is a lonely job, even with support. You do what you have to do in order to take care of yourself so that you don't become lost. If he was mistreating her or putting her in unsafe situations, then that would be a whole other story.


    The Norwegian billionaire Olav Thon, 95, eventually marries his girlfriend, 79, after a relationship of more than three decades, while his wife fought against Alzheimer's disease

    https://whatsnew2day.com/businessman...rriage-in-oslo

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    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    I have no issues here. Dementia is a brutal illness, for both the patient and the caretakers.






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    Elite Member Mivvi21's Avatar
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    I have no issues with this, either. Alzheimer's is not only devastating for the sufferer, but also for the caregiver. I cannot fault him for wanting a life for himself as well as taking care of his wife, who in all honesty, probably doesn't even recognize him anymore. People judging him for this have obviously never experienced this disease first hand.

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    Elite Member Kittylady's Avatar
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    It's been six years since her diagnosis and we don't know how much or how little of the woman she was is still remaining as some people can decline (mentally, at least) quite rapidly. Alzheimer's is a living death that steals away the person you love and leaves you with a demanding, noise making husk that looks like them but isn't. You basically mourn them while they are still alive. If this is what Dan Gasby has done and is able to salvage some personal happiness while still keeping his promise to love and cherish his wife then I have no bloody problem with that whatsoever.
    fgg, Sleuth, Nevan and 9 others like this.
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    Elite Member BITTER's Avatar
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    I guess that is why I'm over 50 and single; I am too judgmental.
    "To be [black] in this country and to be relativity conscious is to be in a rage almost all of the time." ~ James Baldwin

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    Silver Member Jadestone's Avatar
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    Every situation and relationship is different, so at least he and his new gf are taking care of his wife, but I've had to deal with both Alzheimer's and dementia in my family and I definitely would have been upset if my father had taken up with another woman in the open (or in secret) while my mother was still around. Maybe family history has something to do with it. My great-aunt was dying of cancer and my great-uncle started dating one of the nurses who attended my great-aunt. He eventually married the nurse and she was still part of the family long after my great-uncle died, but it still rankled his kids and grandkids.
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    Elite Member BITTER's Avatar
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    ^^^Yes. I found out after my father died that he was shagging a neighbor around the corner from us. And she'd smile in my mother's face like nothing was wrong. But I think I understand that B. Smith is no longer the woman Dan Gasby married. Dementia does turn you into a shell of your former self. I'm watching my own mother deteriorate from it right now. But the idea of infidelity - and the fact that his girlfriend is also helping take care of her.....
    "To be [black] in this country and to be relativity conscious is to be in a rage almost all of the time." ~ James Baldwin

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    Elite Member Kittylady's Avatar
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    My stepdad no longer recognises my partner and looks confused when he sees me, like he can't equate grown up me with the twenty something years ago little me that he thinks I am. He can't remember how to change the channel on the TV so watches it until it goes into sleep mode and then he calls my mum because he thinks the television is broken and he can't remember how to 'fix' it (turn it back on). He gets upset because he can't find his favourite toy from seventy years ago and thinks he's traveling the world because he thinks every TV show set in another country is where he is on holiday.

    And for all of this we are grateful, because at least he isn't incredibly violent like his brother became and he seems, in the main, quite happy. But all this has happened in just over a year and is picking up the pace with every week that passes and both I and my mum have already started the grieving process for when he is here-but-not-here and then not here at all and if my mum was to meet someone good and kind and who could love her the way my stepdad has for thirty five years then I'd have to keep my opinions to myself and wish her well because she damn well deserves something good.
    Novice, Trixie, BITTER and 6 others like this.

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    Elite Member dexter7's Avatar
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    I think this is easier to accept because he didn't choose a 20 something bimbo type to replace his wife.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BITTER View Post
    ^^^Yes. I found out after my father died that he was shagging a neighbor around the corner from us. And she'd smile in my mother's face like nothing was wrong. But I think I understand that B. Smith is no longer the woman Dan Gasby married. Dementia does turn you into a shell of your former self. I'm watching my own mother deteriorate from it right now. But the idea of infidelity - and the fact that his girlfriend is also helping take care of her.....
    I understand what you are saying - marriage vows are “in sickness and in health” - however the daughter says that she’s ok with it and the girlfriend lost a parent from the same disease so..... who knows.

    However he does come across as a twat when he wishes dementia on people who have an issue with his ménage á trois; which is their prerogative.

    TBH he’s whining about his life and him being alone but still enjoying the trappings of wealth that her career brought into the marriage. He sounds like a twat regardless of how difficult it is caring for a spouse with this - or any other - disease.
    There are plenty of folk that don’t have the luxury of live-in care to assist them with caring for a sick spouse.
    Just my opinion.....
    BITTER and DawnM74 like this.

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    Elite Member InigoMontoya's Avatar
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    According to a recent interview, once the diagnosis was made, they discussed all aspects and eventualities of the result of her progressing disease, including him entering into a relationship with another.

    https://www.wbur.org/hereandnow/2019...mers-dan-gasby
    mopar and fgg like this.

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    Elite Member NickiDrea's Avatar
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    I don’t have an issue with this per se, but the girlfriend has been accused of physically assaulting B. Smith. I don’t know if that’s true, but if it is, that’s a problem.
    BITTER, Novice and BrickHouse like this.
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    Quote Originally Posted by InigoMontoya View Post
    According to a recent interview, once the diagnosis was made, they discussed all aspects and eventualities of the result of her progressing disease, including him entering into a relationship with another.

    https://www.wbur.org/hereandnow/2019...mers-dan-gasby
    I can understand discussing this sort of thing it’s just that he comes across as a whiny bitch “what about me” blah blah blah.... and I know someone who is the same & he’s a nasty narscissist
    crayzeehappee likes this.

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