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Thread: Claire Danes discusses the ‘resentment & anxiety’ of motherhood: ‘It’s tough’

  1. #1
    Elite Member Honey's Avatar
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    Default Claire Danes discusses the ‘resentment & anxiety’ of motherhood: ‘It’s tough’

    Doing Homeland without Damian Lewis: ‘I’m going to miss him. A lot of people, even my friends, were saying, “Is he really dead?” And it’s absurd, but I think there’s a part of me that is also a little unsure. I’ll really start to believe it when we’re filming and he’s not there. That’s going to be hard and sad. I loved working with him and he carried half the weight of the show. So I’m a little bit daunted about what that means for me.’

    Motherhood challenges:
    ‘Being a mum is incredibly challenging but we still feel a pressure to talk about it in very romantic terms. And it’s not just that. We all have that resentment at times and anxiety about being trapped by the role, that responsibility. And then chemically it can run riot. Your mental state, the hormonal swings are so extraordinary and singular to the female experience and they haven’t been taken very seriously or considered very deeply… I mean, post-partum aside, even if you have the most healthy relationship with your child and have support and resources, it’s tough. It’s really tough. And there’s no “off” button. [For me] that was the hardest adjustment. You always feel beholden to somebody… And for so long they’re like koala bears, you just feel a physical responsibility to be there for them to cling to. It’s pretty primal.’


    How her “cry-face” went viral:
    ‘I’m surprised it’s so surprising. I have my guy, who thinks I’m pretty enough in our life together, so I don’t need to be seducing the audience that way. I think it’s also just my style, what I like in creative work, what I’ve always been attracted to, even as a little girl… I liked the ugly even as a kid, and I think that has stayed with me now.’


    Staying in Toronto in the winter while Hugh Dancy films Hannibal:
    ‘You’re just house-bound. I had to be strategic about how and when I took the garbage out. I mean, it was intense… I felt totally overwhelmed and displaced and I really didn’t have a sense of the city and was nursing all the time. Away from family and friends, it was quite extreme. Two months in, I accidentally found this mummy/baby yoga class where I met women who became best friends. I guess that’s common, you bond really fast…’


    She’s very crafty:
    ‘It got to the point where the crew made a sewing station out of my director’s chair, one arm was a pincushion and I had this special light. It was ridiculous but, you know, delightfully so.’


    On loving Hugh Dancy:
    ‘I’m genuinely in love with him. And I like hard things. You know, marriage is hard, but I’m up for it. I don’t do anything casually so dating is not for me. I would be marrying everyone I was with. When I met Hugh I was single for the first time and really looking forward to it, kind of bragging, “I’m going to rock this.” Then I met Hugh…’

    [From Harper’s Bazaar]

    Cele|bitchy | Claire Danes discusses the ‘resentment & anxiety’ of motherhood: ‘It’s tough’

  2. #2
    Elite Member Flygirl's Avatar
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    She'll probably get blasted for that on all the judgy mom websites, but I agree with her completely.

  3. #3
    Elite Member NickiDrea's Avatar
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    Me too. I absolutely love my kids but I do feel anxious and and yes, resentful of my kids at times. I think it's natural. My mom told me even before I had kids that I might feel that way sometimes and that there was nothing wrong with it.
    "Thankfully I'm an educated multi-millionaire who knows better than to speak to perverted unjust cops without my lawyer. "
    "I think she's psychotic...what do I do?" - Jenny Schecter

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    I think the first several weeks of motherhood are absolute hell. I adored my babies completely for about three days and then I was miserable until they turned about 8 weeks old and I could see a light at the end of the tunnel. I always loved them, but I didn't like them much. I resented the hell out of people who make it seem easy and glorious. I wanted to shoot a woman who was able to bring her baby to the salon when she got her hair colored. Neither of my kids liked the baby bucket, so taking them out wasn't easy. As involved as my husband was, and supportive as my family and friends were, it didn't matter a bit. I felt alone and completely screwed.

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    Gold Member Tater Tot's Avatar
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    I appreciate her for being real about motherhood and wish more people would tell the truth about it. I love my babies, but I feel like I'm not allowed to talk about how awful motherhood can be at times.

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    Bronze Member pinkdiamondgrl's Avatar
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    Emerging from lurkdom to say that I really appreciate her honesty and that I was definitely there with my daughter for quite a long time. It was a very hard, dark and isolating time in my life. I don't think mothers feel free to talk about their authentic experiences, but its time for some honest dialogue. Not to insinuate that this is a reality for everyone, but for many of us it is- or was. Thanks Claire.
    tulip, Sunrider, sluce and 1 others like this.

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    Elite Member yanna's Avatar
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    It's definitely hard. And imagine having to do it while your partner ran off with his co-star...

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    Elite Member Beeyotch's Avatar
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    Burn! Good one.

  9. #9
    Elite Member rollo's Avatar
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    Exactly. Smug disingenuous celeb pontificates again.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rollo View Post
    Exactly. Smug disingenuous celeb pontificates again.
    I don't think her situation negates the truthfulness of what she said in any way.

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    Elite Member SoCalMarie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honey View Post
    Motherhood challenges: ‘Being a mum is incredibly challenging but we still feel a pressure to talk about it in very romantic terms. And it’s not just that. We all have that resentment at times and anxiety about being trapped by the role, that responsibility. And then chemically it can run riot. Your mental state, the hormonal swings are so extraordinary and singular to the female experience and they haven’t been taken very seriously or considered very deeply… I mean, post-partum aside, even if you have the most healthy relationship with your child and have support and resources, it’s tough. It’s really tough. And there’s no “off” button. [For me] that was the hardest adjustment. You always feel beholden to somebody… And for so long they’re like koala bears, you just feel a physical responsibility to be there for them to cling to. It’s pretty primal.’


    Well, for Kim Kardashian there is. It's handing your child to one of the 5 baby nurses...

    But in all seriousness, I'm not even a mom (yet), and I understand/appreciate her honesty about what she said about motherhood.
    Katy, urine danger, gurl! - BITTER

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    Quote Originally Posted by SoCalMarie View Post
    [/INDENT]Well, for Kim Kardashian there is. It's handing your child to one of the 5 baby nurses...
    To be honest, I don't think Kim has any sort of on-button. The lights are on a permanent dim.
    SoCalMarie, rollo and BoogsBun like this.

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    Elite Member Shinola's Avatar
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    I just wish one thing beyond people being open about the hard and ugly aspects of being a mom (or dad, depending on how things go in your household). I wish ...

    That more people could have a sense of humor about it too. Yesterday I was in Target, and my husband and I overheard this from a dad and a 2-year-old:

    boy: I want applesauce.
    dad: (lightly) You can have a punch in the head.
    boy: (totally unfazed and calm) No. I want applesauce.

    This is something I like about New York. Another example, I met a woman at a workshop a few weeks ago and she asked me what it's like to be a mom because she hasn't done that yet and is afraid she won't be very good at it. I told her:

    "Oh, don't worry. Let me set your mind at ease. You're really going to SUCK at being a parent. (Her eyes get big.) And that's because everyone does, and the worst parents are usually the ones who think they don't suck at it."

    And we laughed. But in other places I've lived, I haven't felt free to just be upfront and joke about it. Maybe it was just me, not the places. Anyhow, it's a relief.
    Beeyotch likes this.
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