[From Elle UK]
On entering rehab: “As I lay in the tiny, bare room, crying and clutching a stuffed lion that Mom had given me, I was worried what people would think. I was battling an eating disorder — but I knew people would assume I was here for other things. I’ve written songs about partying, but my dirty little secret is that I’m actually incredibly responsible. I take my music and career very seriously, and certainly didn’t land in this situation from partying. I imagined people making up stories at a time when what I really needed was support.”
She grew up “different”: “In 2005, I was signed by a record label. Suddenly, it was OK to be different. I had fun with my style. I wore my hair in a mohawk and did my make-up like Alice Cooper. If someone called me pretty, I’d sneer and smear more glitter on my face. I didn’t want to be just pretty — I was wild, crazy and free. I talked about sex, about drinking. When men do that, it’s rock and roll , but when I did it, people assumed I was a train wreck. I played confident but still felt like an outcast.”
Her paranoia: “The music industry has set unrealistic expectations for what a body is supposed to look like, and I started becoming overly critical of my own body because of that. I felt like people were always lurking, trying to take pictures of me with the intention of putting them up opine or printing them in magazines and making me look terrible. I became scared to go in public, or even use the internet. I may have been paranoid, but I also saw and heard enough hateful things to fuel that paranoia.”
On helping others: “I knew I was ready to leave when I’d gained enough confidence to get on a plane knowing there would be paparazzi at the airport at the other end. I was right – they were there. But this time, when I saw thepictures, I felt OK. I’m not fully fixed — I am a person in progress, but I want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Even I need to be reminded that we are who we are. And when I say that, I f—ing mean it, now more than ever.”
Cele|bitchy | Kesha: Male singers who party are ‘rock & roll,’ women are ‘train wrecks’
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