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Thread: Justin Theroux Keeps Stealing Jennifer Aniston’s Moisturizer

  1. #1
    Elite Member Honey's Avatar
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    Default Justin Theroux Keeps Stealing Jennifer Aniston’s Moisturizer


    And not for the reason you’re thinking. Justin Theroux isn’t a normal boyfriend, he’s a cool boyfriend. When Justin Theroux jacks off, he keeps it real by using motorcycle grease, the shoe polish from his hair, and the torn-off scraps from hishomemade jorts, all while trying to ignore the inevitable text from Terry Richardsonthat says “Hey Buddy, my jackdar is going crazy! You baiting? Can I come over and take some pics?” No, Justin Theroux is stealing Jennifer Aniston’s creams and serums to use on his face. Jenny Aniston, who is currently cashing checks from Aveeno, gave a live-action Aveeno advertisement interview to E! News where she outed Justin as a skincare-stealing THIEF:

    “It’s hysterical. What product doesn’t he try to hijack? He’s good to his skin, that’s for sure. It’s always, ‘what are you using, what is that?’ It’s cute. He’s got gorgeous skin. Perfect skin.”

    Uh huh. Let me guess: he just can’t get enough Aveeno® Ultra Calming® cleanser, Aveeno® Fresh Essentials® Daily Exfoliator, and Aveeno® Positively Ageless® Night Cream. Sike! You think Aniston actually uses shit from the drugstore? Rich bitch is rich; the only thing she uses Aveeno for is to tip housekeeping when she goes on vacation. “Thanks for picking up all my empty bottles of Smartwater®. Here, take some moisturizer. I’m told it’s good for moisture or something.”

    Regardless of whether it’s Aveeno or not (it’s not) I don’t doubt Justin is stealing her face stuff. Before Jenny, Justin had probably been to Mexico a handful of times. But a relationship with Jennifer Aniston means you’re on vacation 42 weeks out of the year, and all that Mexico has probably dried out his skin like a beaded lizard’s sunbaked nut sack. He’s not trying to be cute, Aniston, he’s trying to stay alive. If he doesn’t use every last drop of her moisturizer and age-reversal cream and extra-strength skin hydrator, he’s going to start looking like the Brooklyn biker version of Tan Mom.


    Dlisted | Justin Theroux Keeps Stealing Jennifer Aniston’s Moisturizer
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    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
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    I'm learning so much about moisturizer tonight.
    Life is short. Break the Rules. Forgive Quickly. Kiss Slowly. Love Truly.
    Laugh Uncontrollably. And never regret ANYTHING that makes you smile.

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    Elite Member Voodoo Child's Avatar
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    does anyone else think that 'perfect skin' comment was a jab at ex Brad? yeah me too :-P
    arie_skop and Kathie_Moffett like this.

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    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    well, i've recently noticed my Oil of O'Lay in constant state of "sitting by the toilet"... ask snowflake why and he says "well, my hands smelled funny and I like the way that lotion smells." *did I already tell y'all this?* I just think "yeah, your hands smelled like DICK and now your dick smells like Oil of O'Lay". Bought myself another bottle and told him not to touch it because I can't share moisturizer with his penis!
    BITTER, SHELLEE, Bombshell and 4 others like this.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(•_•)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

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    Elite Member missbazilb's Avatar
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    ^^^^

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    jenni, you need to ditch those awful glasses and stop trying to dress like your boyfriend.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member Chalet's Avatar
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    I call those Richard Crenna glasses.


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    Elite Member rollo's Avatar
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    Oh please. These non-stories only get worse and less believable.

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    Elite Member KrisNine's Avatar
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    Is it wrong that I would like to rub some lotion on Justin??
    witchcurlgirl and sputnik like this.

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    Elite Member *Kat*'s Avatar
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    Bitch please. You're probably stealing his moisturizer.

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    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KrisNine View Post
    Is it wrong that I would like to rub some lotion on Justin??
    Yes.
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    See, Whores, we are good for something. Love, Florida
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    Elite Member Voodoo Child's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SHELLEE View Post
    Yes.
    I double that!

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    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    Don't listen to them Kris!
    KrisNine likes this.



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    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    *passes Kris some Oil of O'Lay*
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(•_•)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  15. #15
    Elite Member KrisNine's Avatar
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    I love this guy. I can't help it! Sure, he's douchey, but it's a hot douchey. And he's smart, comes from a long line of smarties.
    sputnik likes this.

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