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Thread: David Arquette Spends Xmas Night Telling Crude Masturbation Jokes

  1. #1
    mjw is offline
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    Nov 2011

    Default David Arquette Spends Xmas Night Telling Crude Masturbation Jokes

    Despite having a baby on the way and having more than 100 days of sobriety under his belt at one point, David Arquette has sunk to a new low.

    The notorious party animal was spotted late-night at The Comedy Store on Christmas night in Hollywood telling vulgar and crude masturbation jokes, and has the exclusive video footage.

    “The bar was closing when out of nowhere David showed up all by himself and seemed to be way off the wagon,” an eyewitness told Radar.

    “There were only about eight or 10 people left in the bar and he bought a round of shots for everyone before taking the stage.”

    During Arquette’s impromptu comedy sketch, the Scream actor reveals an embarrassing masturbation session leaving the audience speechless.

    “My d*ck’s raw, and I’m jerking off with soap — by the way, never jerk off with soap. I learned this when I was like 8, 9-years-old,” Arquette tells the crowd.

    “That sh*t started scaling back, like a snake, like a f**king rattler. That sh*t started peeling. I didn’t know what was happening to my f**king thing. And then I ran out of Jergens, and it didn’t hurt me no more.

    “But before that, I literally jerked off for about four of five months, months with f**king shampoo or…I went through it, I went through the pain.”

    The eyewitness tells Radar that while it wasn’t caught on tape, Arquette then began to disrobe on stage and teased about exposing his genitals.

    “So after his masturbation jokes he took off his shirt and his pants — as he continued to rant and rave,” the source told Radar.

    “Then he made gestures like he was going to pull out his d*ck and thank god he didn’t, but the entire thing was very strange and weird!”

    Arquette, 42, has a 9-year-old daughter with ex-wife Courteney Cox and is due to have a second child with girlfriend Christina McLarty – who was nowhere in sight Christmas night.

    “I don’t know if he was just drunk or what he was on, but it was sort of sad to see this famous actor making such an idiot of himself,” the source added.

    A New Low: David Arquette Spends Christmas Night Telling Crude Masturbation Jokes To Empty Comedy Club | Radar Online

    video at link

  2. #2
    Elite Member CornFlakegrl's Avatar
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    Apr 2008
    Hanging with the raisin girls


    Someone needs rehab.

  3. #3
    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Apr 2008
    Wherever my kids are


    It is so important to have some kind of Christmas tradition.

  4. #4
    Elite Member Sarzy's Avatar
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    Dec 2007



    He's obviously messed up but I can't find myself getting shocked at someone telling crude jokes in a comedy store.

  5. #5
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    Apr 2006


    meh, he probably needs rehab but I can't get too crazy over this shit.
    fattymatty and hustle4alivin like this.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    twitchy molests my signature!

  6. #6
    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Apr 2008
    Wherever my kids are


    Q: Which one of Santa's helpers does three shows a week in Vegas?

    A: Elves Presley

    Q: Who comes down the chimney to give overdoses of medication to wealthy heiresses around the world?

    A: Santa Claus von Bulow

    (Okay - but at least I tried harder than David Arquette)
    BITTER and hustle4alivin like this.

  7. #7
    Elite Member Trixie's Avatar
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    Mar 2007
    exiled and ostrich sized


    *sigh* The holidays just bring out the worst in some people.

    Now get your ass back in rehab and be grateful no one recorded that shit for your daughter to watch on the internet some day.
    These people don't give a fuck about YOU or us. It's a message board, for Christ's sake. ~ mrs.v ~
    ~"Fuck off! Aim higher! Get a life! Get away from me!" ~the lovely and talented Miss Julia Roberts~

  8. #8
    Elite Member hustle4alivin's Avatar
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    May 2007


    Meh, sounds like Christmas at one of my relatives' house. But yeah, he needs rehab
    firebrat1229 likes this.

  9. #9
    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
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    Oct 2005
    Northwest MS/Memphis TN


    Wish I was there to have gotten a free shot.
    My Posts Have Won Awards. Can Any Of You Claim The Same? -ur_next_ex

    "I don't have pet peeves. I have major psychotic fucking hatreds, okay". ~George Carlin

  10. #10
    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
    Florida Keys


    ^That's the first thing I thought!
    See, Whores, we are good for something. Love, Florida

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