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Thread: Gwyneth Paltrow’s relationship advice: Don’t argue with your husband, give him head

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    Elite Member Honey's Avatar
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    Default Gwyneth Paltrow’s relationship advice: Don’t argue with your husband, give him head

    The World's Most Beautiful Woman was on another talk show last night, because she's not overexposed enough and she won't stop popping up everywhere until the image of her face is embedded into your brain and she starts invading your nightmares. (Note: This finally happened to me last night. I had a nightmare where I went to a party in a barn. A BARN! Goopy was there serving Country Time lemonade in mason jars. Goopy doesn't serve anyone and there's no way she'd serve Country Time lemonade and I don't think she even knows what a mason jar is. I knew it was a trick, so I kept walking.) Goopy was on Chelsea Lately and after Chelsea Handlerwet kissed Goopy's 22-year-old stripper ass for a bit, she talked about how good Goopy is at giving advice.
    Chelsea said that one time at a dinner party, Goopy's friends cried about a fight she had with her husband. Goopy's friend and her husband were all mad at each other and she didn't know what to do. You'd think that Goopy would tell her that she and her husband are angry, because they eat too much gluten, sugar, carbs and food, so they need to starve themselves until their internal organs are on the verge of shutting down and then they'll be too weak to fight. Problem solved! But instead of saying that, Chelsea said that Goopy gave her friend some different advice.

    "[Gwyneth's] an amazing advice-giver. And one of her friends is like, 'I got in a big fight with my husband and I went home and I just wanted to scream and yell,' and you were like, 'Whatever you're doing, do the opposite. If you feel angry, go at him with love and you give him a blowjob.'"

    Blowjobs really do solving everything, but I don't know if that's the best advice. You might not know what to think if your piece is screaming at you one minute and then trying to suck you off the next. Does a dude really want to put his peen into the mouth of an angry trick? That's only a good idea if the dude really wants to see his peen sitting in his wife's stomach on an X-Ray. That's some marriage advice from Lorena Bobbitt shit. But it works for Goopy, because ever since she told Chris Martin that she's going to blow him every time he's angry at her, he walks around the house with a smile on his face and a joyous skip in his step!
    And Goopy also talked about how Chelsea needs to see a brain doctor, because she asks for the check before entrees are served and she once mistook her gardener's car for her own. Oh, Goopy, that's called being a drunk!
    via E!

    So, I Guess Chris Martin Is Never Angry Around Goopy Paltrow | Dlisted

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    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    Just stellar, Fishsticks.
    "Schadenfreude, hard to spell, easy to feel." ~VenusinFauxFurs

    "Scoffing is one of my main hobbies!" ~Trixie

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    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    I'm tried of this bitch's obsession of telling the world every little thing that goes in her mouth.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

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    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    Oral fixation, huh?
    "Schadenfreude, hard to spell, easy to feel." ~VenusinFauxFurs

    "Scoffing is one of my main hobbies!" ~Trixie

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    Elite Member Laurent's Avatar
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    If only she'd keep his dick in her mouth more, maybe we'd be spared a lot of her inane bullshit chatter.
    “What are you looking at, sugar-tits?” - Mel Gibson

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    Hit By Ban Bus! rockchick's Avatar
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    I'm hating this bitch more every second.

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    Elite Member aabbcc's Avatar
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    I like Country Time lemonade.

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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    For some reason, I really have nothing negative to say about this.

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    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    Hmmm, go figure.

    I think Goop has decided that her life's mission is to come out of every interaction leaving other people with "yep, that woman is an insufferable twat."
    Fairy likes this.
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    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
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    It doesn't take special genius to figure out that a blowjob will make a dude forget what he was angry about...or that he was ever angry in the first place. Goopy's Oscar is proof that she's been using bjs to her advantage long before she was annoying Chris Martin.
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    Dream on, Mohandas.

    Like you'd really want some passive/aggressive ninny like GOOP, who texts constantly with words of affirmation and puts you on a monthly cleanse.
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    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MohandasKGanja View Post
    For some reason, I really have nothing negative to say about this.

    Come on now, is that really worth getting nothing to eat but cardboard for the rest of your life?
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

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    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
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    There are not enough blowjob giving hours in the day to make up for someone as annoying as Goop.
    My Posts Have Won Awards. Can Any Of You Claim The Same? -ur_next_ex

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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by olivia View Post
    Dream on, Mohandas.

    Like you'd really want some passive/aggressive ninny like GOOP, who texts constantly with words of affirmation and puts you on a monthly cleanse.
    As soon as I heard "head" all that other stuff started to seem unimportant. Love that she rocks the 70's-style topiary. Incessant texting and cardboard food would be pretty intolerable. But if I were all mellowed out, I'm not sure I'd have the strength to care.

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    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    I think she realizes women hate her so now she is trying to get all the men to like her.
    MmeVertigina likes this.
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