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Thread: Crazy stalker thinks Ivanka Trump will get over that whole 'restraining order' thing

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    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    Default Crazy stalker thinks Ivanka Trump will get over that whole 'restraining order' thing

    Deranged stalker thinks Ivanka Trump will get over that whole 'restraining order' thing

    April 5, 4:07 PM Scott Wampler

    Tucker Max: Doesn't want to be a stalker's wing-man. Go figure.

    Well, here's an interesting story that comes to us out of nowhere: a New York resident who Ivanka Trump has a restraining order against has recently been released from jail, upon which time he contacted infamous internet personality Tucker Max about being his "wing-man" in a plot to win Donald Trump's daughter over. On an otherwise slow news day, this may be the most bizarre thing that you read all day. Learn all the wacky details of the world's most clueless stalker in the article below, my gentle Examiner readers...

    Tucker Max is famous for "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell", his non-fiction book filled with humorous anecdotes about being the world's sleaziest ladies' man. Ivanka Trump, meanwhile, is famous for being the daughter to Donald Trump, who probably owns the land on which your house was built. Justin Massler, on the other hand, is famous for stalking Ivanka Trump.

    What do all of these things have to do with one another? Well, the story goes like this: Massler was incarcerated after sending a series of creepy Twitter messages, emails, and threats to Donald Trump's daughter, Ivanka. Recently, he was released on bail. When Massler discovered that he'd been the topic of one of Tucker Max's recent online diatribes, he reached out to the author with the following email:
    Tucker Max, I saw you were talking to the press about me and the story was printed in reference to the Ivanka Trump stalking case. Look that's fine and it's your right to do that whatever, as long as you stick to what happened, but I wanted to say that whatever you do, don't c**k-block me on Ivanka Trump.

    What I mean is this: obviously right now she is probably not that into me since she filed these stalking charges and I'm in the dog house with her, but later on I'm going to try to recover and then actually win her over. Plus, if I am a stalker but then later on end up nailing her, that would be a truly Epic Win. I will be the first deranged stalker to later end up banging the exact chick who originally sought to have him put in jail, making me a Legend for Our Times and a Hero to the People.

    I do have a restraining order against me so I can't contact her, but my idea is to somehow recover from insanity, then become a big shot that she will be drawn to like in The Great Gatsby or something so that she's the one who contacts me. Now that you're associated with this, I suddenly realized there was a chance you might come into contact with Ivanka Trump. If you did, just don't do anything to go out of your way to make me look worse than I already do. Like even talk me up, perhaps saying, "Oh yeah, he's a cool guy who just has insanity problems at times but if he recovered from insanity he would be cool." Don't say anything to Ivanka like, "Yeah he's a total freak, everyone thinks he's a loser." That's cock-blocking and there's no reason to do that.

    I know you're not my friend or anything, but there's no reason to go and make us worse enemies.
    Right: because you don't want to make enemies with a stalker. Massler seems to be completely out of touch with reality, but you gotta admit that he's picked a helluva guy to be his wing-man. Max's recent film adaptation of "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" featured-- among other things-- the lead character (a stand-in for Max) bedding a midget stripper, so Tucker's clearly a guy who knows how to navigate a tricky romantic situation. That said, it doesn't sound as though Max is gonna take the gig. Here's what he had to say in response to the email:
    The dude is crazy. I have no desire to have contact with him...I had responded in the past, before I knew he was legit nuts. Once that became clear, I stopped. I have no idea why he comes to me for stuff like this. You're asking me to understand someone who is insane. I'm not that smart."
    So far, Ivanka Trump (or her publicist) hasn't issued any statements regarding the bizarre email exchange that Max has enjoyed with Massler, but it's probably safe to assume that she's upping the security wherever she's at. Things reached critical mass with the Massler/stalking situation late last year when the man threatened to kill himself inside of one of Ivanka Trump's jewelry stores. Here's hoping that everyone involved stays as healthy as possible through this monkey business.
    Deranged stalker thinks Ivanka Trump will get over that whole 'restraining order' thing
    "But I am very poorly today & very stupid & I hate everybody & everything." -- Charles Darwin

    "Trump is, in my opinion, the first woman president of the United States." -- Roseanne Barr

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    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    Tucker Max is a great porn name.

    All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

    If I wanted the government in my womb I'd fuck a Senator

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    Friend of Gossip Rocks! buttmunch's Avatar
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    ^^Indeed it is! I still get freaked out by her face, particularly post-surgery.
    'Those who sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither.' Ben Franklin

    "When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross."
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    Elite Member bellini's Avatar
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    Tucker Max is such a douchebag. I'm glad his stupid movie flopped. I'm sure he's loving every minute of media attention.

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    Elite Member Just Kill Me's Avatar
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    sucking on a blow pop and playing with electrodes


    I really can't stand Tucker Max; I read most of his shit online years ago and it was just unoriginal drunken antics.

    Come on, let's have lots of drinks.

    Fuck you all, I'm going viral.

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    fellow traveller


    tucker max is full of shit. but i remember reading this ages ago and laughing my ass off. | Tucker tries buttsex; hilarity does not ensue
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    Top Secret Spy for Leann Rimes


    OMG - Now I want to vomit but I can't stop laughing!!
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

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    Elite Member Lalique's Avatar
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    The land of ice and snow


    Quote Originally Posted by bellini View Post
    Tucker Max is such a douchebag. I'm glad his stupid movie flopped. I'm sure he's loving every minute of media attention.
    And then after his movie bombed the little bitch took down his message board because he kept getting called out on it. And I find it creepy that he still wants to hang out with college kids even though he is like 35.
    What I really want to know is whether it makes your poop glow in the dark after eating it! ~ Kittylady

  9. #9
    Elite Member AgentOrange's Avatar
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    Love is never having to swear out a restraining order

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