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Thread: One of those Jonas Brothers got married

  1. #1
    Elite Member mrs.v's Avatar
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    Default One of those Jonas Brothers got married

    Kevin Jonas Might Be Getting His Cherry Popped Tonight




    22-year-old Kevin Jonas became a husband today after marrying 23-year-old Danielle Deleasa, a native of Planet Haylie Duff. Kevin and Danielle's wedding (aka their pre devirginizing ceremony) took place at Oheka Castle on Long Island. Danielle wore a gown by Vera Wang and Kevin wore a nervous smile on his face because he knew he would have to try to get his dick to stand up and deliver tonight.

    Kevin's brothers, Nick and Joe, served as his best men. The reception tent was decorated to look like some kind of winter wonderland. And Noah Cyrus was kind enough to entertain guests during cocktail hour with her pole dance to "Smack That."

    Right after his wedding, Kevin told People, "We're so happy that we're finally married and we were able to share the special moment with family, friends and loved ones." And then he started bawling into his own hands, because he realized that he would have to look at a vagina in just a few hours.

    Although, it's a good thing that outside looks like the top of Lindsay Lohan's coffee table. If Kevin pulls a Tommy Girl by going limp after touching real-life boobies, he could just blame it on the weather. Then they can watch Mean Girls on cable and Danielle, who is a former hairstylist, can tame those beasts over Kevin's eyes. Hopefully, Kevin gets plucked one way or another tonight.


    Kevin Jonas Might Be Getting His Cherry Popped Tonight | Dlisted
    eat a hot bowl of dicks.

  2. #2
    Elite Member msdeb's Avatar
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    ah the ugly one got married. at least now, he can have sex with someone besides his fist.
    Basic rule of Gossip Rocks: Don't be a dick.Tati
    Lighten Up Francis WCG

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    Silver Member FlyByKnightRider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by msdeb View Post
    ah the ugly one got married. at least now, he can have sex with someone besides his fist.
    You still believe that whole virgin shit?

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    Elite Member Kittylady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FlyByKnightRider View Post
    You still believe that whole virgin shit?
    Only if you don't count men.

  5. #5
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    Cool

    just think right now, his penis has entered a a vagina

    23 yrs old my ass- she looks older

  6. #6
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FlyByKnightRider View Post
    You still believe that whole virgin shit?
    Yes but only because I find it hard to believe that anyone would want to have sex with that.
    As Canadian as possible under the circumstances

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    "What's traitors, precious?" -- President Gollum

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    Elite Member L1049's Avatar
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    "I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of obsessed fangirls suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced..."

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    Friend of Gossip Rocks! buttmunch's Avatar
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    It's the (cum) shot heard round the world.
    'Those who sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither.' Ben Franklin

    "When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross."
    --Sinclair Lewis

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    Elite Member Seapharris7's Avatar
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    Ugh, that's horrible. He was probably finished in 15 seconds
    Sugar... The real gateway drug

  10. #10
    Friend of Gossip Rocks! buttmunch's Avatar
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    I bet he finished before he started, if you know what I mean.
    'Those who sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither.' Ben Franklin

    "When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross."
    --Sinclair Lewis

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    Gold Member mella's Avatar
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    To a woman

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    Elite Member Laurent's Avatar
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    Wow, that girl really does look like Hailey Duff.

    I bet they were big believers in being vaginal virgins, but didn't count anal sex.

  13. #13
    Elite Member stef's Avatar
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    ^^ i thought is was hailey duff before i read the article.

    Quote Originally Posted by msdeb View Post
    ah the ugly one got married. at least now, he can have sex with someone besides his fist.


    i totally agree.
    "This is not meant to be at all offensive: You suffer from diarrhea of the mouth but constipation of the brain." - McJag

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    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    Love the title Mrs V.
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

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    Elite Member Moongirl's Avatar
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    In Spanish, we have a saying "Esta noche, entierra a su mejor amigo" meaning, "Tonight, he buries his best friend"...(does that make any sense in English?)

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