Jennifer Lopez 'sexy tape' coming soon

immature · November 6th, 2009, 11:26 AM

From Dlisted: A JLo "Sexy Tape" Is Coming Soon | Dlisted

A JLo "Sexy Tape" Is Coming Soon

Every hair on JLo's ass is standing straight up, because she is so filled with the rage that her ex-husband Ojani Noa is planning to release an 11-hour tape of some of her private moments. I think he's marketing it as a companion piece to Planet Earth.

The eyes at The National Enquirer have seen the tape and claim it includes footage of JLo staring at herself in the mirror (OF. COURSE.) while wearing nothing but bra and panties. In another scene, Ojani chases JLo around the bedroom and spanks one of her thunder dome ass cheeks causing a 4.5 earthquake.

Sources say that JLo is incredibly embarrassed and can't believe her ex would do that.

You know what I can't believe? I can't believe that JLo wouldn't pull her eyeballs out of her own culo to see the Amazon jungle growing above her ex-husband's eyes. If JLo stepped out of her own world for one quick second, she would've seen that MAN DOWN CODE 10 eyebrow situation. My teeth are chattering, because I just want to jump onto his face and gnaw off those Sasquatch brows.

And honestly, I don't think JLo is THAT upset about the release of the tape. Most bitches forgot about her ass after that shoot out with Diddy, so this will be a nice little item to get her back on Google Alerts.

Belt Up · November 6th, 2009, 11:27 AM

11 hours?

d2791 · November 6th, 2009, 11:29 AM

Thank God!

For a moment, I thought it was with her current husband!

FierceKiten · November 6th, 2009, 11:34 AM

Quote:

In another scene, Ojani chases JLo around the bedroom and spanks one of her thunder dome ass cheeks causing a 4.5 earthquake.

cmmdee · November 6th, 2009, 12:46 PM

Sigh... I remember these two crazy kids

caramel · November 6th, 2009, 01:43 PM

This seems too calculated now when she is trying to make a comeback.

sparkly · November 6th, 2009, 02:57 PM

^Exactly what I was going to say.

NVash · November 6th, 2009, 03:59 PM

Never really pictured J-Lo to stoop that low, I always figured she was too good for that. Using a sex tape for publicity, no one ever gets respect that way. They get back on the map, true, but theyre also a laughing stock and people seem to lose what little respect they already had for them.

AliceInWonderland · November 6th, 2009, 04:06 PM

^ you never thought a woman who's been married/engaged so many times would stoop that low WHAT?! you do realize she fucked her way to where she is dont you. w/ married men too. a ho's a ho's a HO! JHo that is.

Quote:

spanks one of her thunder dome ass cheeks causing a 4.5 earthquake.

and

for some reason....

btw I just hate this bitch so much!

MohandasKGanja · November 6th, 2009, 04:11 PM

1. I don't think she's doing this for publicity. She tried to settle with this guy years ago (paid him off) because he had made sex tapes of them together and she wanted to make sure they never saw the light of day. How he is able to breach that agreement, I don't know.

2. So far, I haven't heard that this particular set of tapes contains anything really explicit. I mean, slapping her ass while she is in her underwear? She's presented awards in less clothing.

NVash · November 6th, 2009, 04:26 PM

No, I didnt know that. Im not a J-Lo fan at all, I cant stand her to be honest, but I always thought she was a respectable woman. Almost like a big behind Salma Hayek, if you would. She just kinda messed up with P Diddy years ago. I see Im very naive and oblivious.

ConstanceSpry · November 6th, 2009, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AliceInWonderland

^ you never thought a woman who's been married/engaged so many times would stoop that low WHAT?! you do realize she fucked her way to where she is dont you. w/ married men too. a ho's a ho's a HO! JHo that is.

and

for some reason....

btw I just hate this bitch so much!

Me too!!! I despise her AND her big, giant ego. I live in hopes that she'll soon gain a few hundred pounds and go away for good.

Shelly · November 6th, 2009, 04:34 PM

Don't want to see that... Love her makeup in the picture though

AliceInWonderland · November 6th, 2009, 04:45 PM

ok im just edumacating u people on whatta skank ho she is and always will be no matter the $$$ she has

NVash · November 6th, 2009, 04:59 PM

Im surprised she even has a career after Kim Kardashian came around. When it comes to behinds she easily has her beat. Wait, thats why the tape is coming out right? She has been under the radar lately.

But why do something like this with two young kids and a husband?