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Thread: Jon Gosselin's nanny alleges sexy times

  1. #1
    Elite Member mrs.v's Avatar
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    Default Jon Gosselin's nanny alleges sexy times

    Super(Slutty)Nanny




    If we got a $1 for every time we heard about Jon Grosselin rubbing his fat man balloons all over some homely young thing, we'd have enough money to buy out Ed Hardy and burn it to the ground. The latest buthereverything to come forward is former Gosselin nanny Stephanie Santoro. 23-year-old Stephanie tells InTouch (via Popeater) about the night her dignity quit her ass and hitchhiked out of town.


    Stephanie said that Jon came on to her first when he asked her to give him a massage. Jon probably got the idea when he saw Stephanie roll the dick out of a piece of dough. If you can knead a mound of butter and flour, you can handle Jon's body. Stephanie said that the massage led to them kissing, which led to them in the hot tub, which led to you dry heaving in a Styrofoam cup inside your cubicle.


    When the two were in the hot tub, Stephanie kept looking at the windows to make sure a member of the child army wasn't witnessing two pigs go at it in a pot of boiling water. If they did, they would probably whine about how hongray they were for pork rinds and the nanny just couldn't be bothered with that.
    When the kiddies went to sleep, Stephanie and Jon went up to the apartment over the garage where she did things that NOBODY should ever do (aka fuck Jon Grosselin).


    After their first act of grossness, Jon kept texting Stephanie to tell her how much he cared about her. Their affair continued and Stephanie said they bumped titties at least nine more times at the Gosselin compound. Stephanie said the sex wasn't bad, "but it wasn't the best I ever had."
    The sex wasn't bad?! Stephanie needs to have more sex. I'm pretty sure sexing up a rusty wrought iron fence would be hotter. Both will give you Botulism in the vagina, but at least the rusty fence won't constantly send you sappy text messages afterwards.


    And not only did Stephanie turn her vagina into a permanent sad face, but she also fucked away her nanny "career." Scratch that last part. I'm sure Rob Lowe and Jude Law have already requested her services.


    Super(Slutty)Nanny | Dlisted
    eat a hot bowl of dicks.

  2. #2
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Ugh. I can't imagine anyone hiring her to nanny again.
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

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    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    I love Michael K!
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

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    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    If we got a $1 for every time we heard about Jon Grosselin rubbing his fat man balloons all over some homely young thing, we'd have enough money to buy out Ed Hardy and burn it to the ground
    Michael K just keeps getting better and better.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

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    Elite Member LynnieD's Avatar
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    I agree, Michael K is on fire with this one!

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    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrs.v View Post
    Jon Gosselin's nanny alleges sexy times
    I vote we ban Mrs V from ever using the words "sexy" and "Jon Gosselin" in the same sentence. All in favour?
    As Canadian as possible under the circumstances

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    "What's traitors, precious?" -- President Gollum

  7. #7
    Elite Member mrs.v's Avatar
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    eat a hot bowl of dicks.

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    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    Aye
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    michael k rules. i still giggle whenever i hear or read the word possum.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member Lobelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greysfang View Post
    Michael K just keeps getting better and better.
    Have mercy, I know.. I can't stop laughing over the "fat man balloons" comment


    eta: Omg, that was before I read this

    make sure a member of the child army wasn't witnessing two pigs go at it in a pot of boiling water. If they did, they would probably whine about how hongray they were for pork rinds and the nanny just couldn't be bothered with that.
    this man is killing me
    "I've cautiously embraced jeggings"
    Emma Peel aka Pacific Breeze aka Wilde1 aka gogodancer aka maribou

    Yip, yip, yip in your tiny indignation. Bark furiously on, lady dog.

  11. #11
    Gold Member sharky's Avatar
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    Well, he IS a sexy beast!!

  12. #12
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    Hilarious!

    I really hate Jon for making Kate seem like the sane, stable one.

    Poor kids!

  13. #13
    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    I hear Kate has changed her hairstyle though.
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

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    Elite Member stef's Avatar
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    i want to marry michael k. he's a genius. i'm so afraid of the day he stops running dlisted...
    "This is not meant to be at all offensive: You suffer from diarrhea of the mouth but constipation of the brain." - McJag

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    Elite Member aabbcc's Avatar
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    ... which led to you dry heaving in a Styrofoam cup inside your cubicle.


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