Columnist claims to have seen Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt's bodyguard's book proposal

[Novice]

I found a series of articles from a columnist that proported to have seen Mickey Brett's book proposal - here are the articles.....


Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie - Have a baby and diaper sex fetish according to bodyguard
April 29, 1:14 AM · 20 comments
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Brad Pitt in diapers?
Mickey Brett, Brangelina's former bodyguard, has submitted a proposal for a tell-all book on some of his major clients. The most explosive details, however, are about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. One can always debate whether or not the details are true, but I have seen the proposal and can reveal some very racy details.
Mr. Brett recalls a time when he heard a lot of baby noises from the bedroom and it didn't sound like any of Branjelina's kids. Brad Pitt, wearing diapers and a baby bib, ran out of the room and into the bathroom despite having a bathroom in their bedroom, not realizing Mr. Brett was watching. Mr. Brett then assumed the baby sounds were just a recording. He hid behind the wall to hear some more and realized there was a third person in there. He heard another woman say, "I don't know if I am comfortable with this." But when Brad entered the room again, she was pretty much silenced. Then, he heard a lot of spanking going on followed by the recording being turned off. Suddenly, all three began to cry like babies until they climaxed.
I don't know what to make of this. I can definitely imagine Angelina Jolie being involved in all this, but Brad Pitt? My image of him has just been destroyed! Please stay tuned to this column as I have more explosive details from Mickey Brett's proposed book.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie - Have a baby and diaper sex fetish according to bodyguard

Brad Pitt: Bodyguard claims he doesn't use toilet paper
April 29, 11:43 PM · 7 comments
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Brad Pitt doesn't believe in using toilet paper
A couple days ago, I was able to view the complete proposal for Mickey Brett’s book that documents the life of different celebrities he has been a bodyguard for. The proposal contains a lot of information about Brangelina. I wrote about how Mr. Brett claims the pair have a baby and diaper sex fetish. Now, I am going to give you some more details and you shouldn’t read this if you have a weak stomach.
Mr. Brett claims that Brad and Angie have huge disagreements on toilet paper use. Brad doesn’t believe in toilet paper; he uses his hands and washes them afterwards. Angelina agrees with Brad that he’s helping the environment, but thinks using her hands would be totally disgusting. Brad always tells Angie that people in third world countries do it all the time. Mr. Brett thinks that the kids use toilet paper but that Brad is trying to change the rules.
This has to be a lie, right? This bodyguard must be pretty desperate. But for some reason, I can totally imagine this. All these Hollywood celebrities are always trying to be politically correct by doing crazy things for the environment. Not using toilet paper, however, may be taking it a step too far.
Brad Pitt: Bodyguard claims he doesn't use toilet paper

Angelina Jolie - Makes Brad Pitt pee in his sleep according to bodyguard
May 1, 10:29 AM · 11 comments
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Angelina the Joker
The details of Brangelina’s former bodyguard’s tell-all book keep getting juicier, as well as ridiculous. Some of my readers have condemned me to Hell for having the guts to write about such things as Brangelina’s baby and diaper sex fetish and Brad’s refusal to use toilet paper. However, I am only reporting what I read in a proposal. Whether or not the information in the proposal is true is yours to judge. It is interesting to note that Mickey Brett now denies working on a tell-all book. Angelina's lawyers must have interfered. But they didn't interfer fast enough for me to see the proposal.
Anyhow, let’s move on. Do you remember the old saying that if you put a sleeping person’s hand in a pan of warm water, they will pee in their pants, pajamas, underwear, or even on the bed if they aren’t wearing anything? Well, according to the former bodyguard, Angelina tried to test the theory out on Brad. She let Maddox, her bodyguard, and her chef in on the joke as well since none of them believed it would work. Both Angelina and Maddox snuck into the bedroom with a pan of warm water that Maddox gathered from the bathtub while the bodyguard and chef watched by the door. Everybody could barely contain their laughter. While Maddox held the pan of water, Angelina slowly put Brad’s hand in it. First, Brad smiled, then moaned, then laughed, and then……….okay, use your imagination. Let’s just say that Brad didn’t go to the bathroom the night before because his moment of release lasted for almost thirty seconds. Even after his release, he was still moaning while everybody was laughing. He then opened his eyes and it took him about a half minute to realize what happened. Even though Brad couldn’t believe Angelina would play such a cruel joke on him, especially with Maddox involved, he started laughing as well.

I think this is hilarious and it shows that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt really do have a sense of humor. However, I do have a problem with them letting Maddox in on the joke. What do you guys think?
Angelina Jolie - Makes Brad Pitt pee in his sleep according to bodyguard

Brad Pitt allegedly joked that he would go for Wayne Brady if he was gay
May 7, 10:47 PM · Add a Comment
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Wayne Brady and Brad Pitt as a gay couple?
Brad Pitt had a "thing" for Wayne Brady according to his former bodyguard, who doesn't at all suggest that Mr. Pitt is actually homosexual. However, Brad always bragged about how nice Wayne Brady was and that he seemed like a perfect gentleman. Brad even allegedly told the bodyguard that if he was gay, he would go for Wayne Brady.
Did Brad Pitt really say this? I'm sure - if he did - that is was really just a joke that sounds a lot worse in print than in probably does in person. Can you imagine Brad Pitt and Wayne Brady as a couple? It would sort of be like Mr. Bill meets the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
Brad Pitt allegedly joked that he would go for Wayne Brady if he was gay

Angelina Jolie - Former bodyguard claims she has an imaginary friend named Lefsetz
May 3, 11:18 PM · 23 comments
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Angelina Jolie has imaginary friend
Okay, part of me doubts the stories coming from Brangelina’s bodyguard. However, a story that Angelina Jolie has an imaginary friend named Lefsetz who gives her advice on acting, sex, mothering and grocery shopping is just way too out there to be made up. Yes, readers, you are not dreaming. According to a book proposal, Angelina has nightly meetings with her imaginary friend Lefsetz in the bathroom before going to sleep. Brad Pitt is perfectly fine with this.
Angelina reportedly met Lefsetz when she was a younger child and didn’t feel she was getting enough attention from her parents. At first, Lefsetz was a dog, then turned into a cat, then into an elephant, then an alien, and now is a full-blooded imaginary human. Lefsetz has comforted Angelina Jolie not only during her divorce, but her parents’ divorce as well. Lefsetz was there to comfort Angelina during her corrupt adoption from Cambodia that ruined the lives of thouswands of orphans in that country forever thanks to Angelina’s baby buying skills.
The proposal says that Lefsetz is actually a healthy addition to Angelina’s mental health, which has never been normal. “Angelina goes from periods of extreme happiness to extreme sadness in a matter of seconds,” the proposal reads. It also notes that two years ago, Angelina would not leave her bedroom for two days because she thought Lefsetz had left her.
Reading this proposal actually makes me feel sorry for the sometimes good actress, sometimes homewrecker, and serial baby snatcher. Angelina Jolie might have taken her mental illness to successful extremes, but it might leave her very disturbed in the end. Even if we are not religious, we should all pray for Angelina’s mental health and pray even harder that the information in this proposal really isn’t true.
Angelina Jolie - Former bodyguard claims she has an imaginary friend named Lefsetz

Brad's pits smell according to former bodyguard
May 17, 11:33 AM · 5 comments
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Brad has smelly pits?
There is still more to reveal from the proposal for a tell-all book on Brangelina. This one is kind of disgusting. Apparently, Brad Pitt doesn’t like to use deodorant according to his former bodyguard. In the proposal, the bodyguard says that Brad often gets rashes due to deodorant. He has allegedly seen doctors about this, but they say there is nothing they can do. In order to minimize the smell, Brad shaves his armpits just as a girl would.
If this is true, then perhaps Brad should just deal with the rashes. There’s nothing more disgusting than smelly armpits. You can shave and wash them all you want, but there is still going to be a smell if you don’t use some type of deodorant. Perhaps we should all feel sorry for Angelina Jolie since she is the one that sleeps with him.
Brad's pits smell according to former bodyguard


ETA - sorry I forgot this one...
Angelina Jolie: Sent a heartfelt letter to Martha Stewart in 2004
June 11, 9:21 PM · 9 comments
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Angelina Jolie felt bad for Martha Stewart
This column has been reporting items that showed up in a proposal for a tell-all book on Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. You’ve heard about Angelina’s supposed imaginary friend, Lefsetz. You’ve heard about Brad Pitt’s alleged refusal to use deodorant. You vomited when reading about Brangelina's alleged baby diaper fetish.
You hopefully remembered that just because items are in a book proposal doesn’t mean that they are completely true. People like to sensationalize things for money and in terms of Brangelina, there is a lot of money to be made. However, let’s hope this next item is true because it is really touching.
According to the proposal, Angelina Jolie felt that Martha Stewart’s prison sentence in 2004 was wrong and that the court system was just trying to make an example out of Ms. Stewart. On October 8, 2004, Angelina wrote Martha a letter that was very comforting. In the letter, Angelina told Martha to remain strong and that she was praying for Martha. She explained that Jesus Christ was crucified for all the wrong reasons and that Martha shouldn’t feel bad about herself. Angelina reminded Martha that she is an inspiration to millions of women around the world and that no prison sentence could change that.
Well, let’s hope this part of the proposal is true. Perhaps Angelina Jolie does have a heart. Let’s not forget that this was in 2004, right before she ripped Brad from Jennifer Aniston. Perhaps Angelina was paying it forward by doing a good deed before she became a homewrecker.
Angelina Jolie: Sent a heartfelt letter to Martha Stewart in 2004

[cmmdee]

Geez how much more shit will they come up with?

[McJag]

I see a lawsuit coming, bigger than Katrina.

[nana55]

God, I hope this is all in the bodyguard's imagination. They are both just too weird.

[Novice]

I see a lawsuit coming, bigger than Katrina.

no they've already threatened him & he's "withdrawn" the book, but not before people saw the proposal. Someone from Rush & Molloy saw it too.

[Janet296]

Well He might have picked up the toilet paper thing from the middle east. They also don't use it. They use their left hand, which is why it is considered insulting to use your left hand for anything else. They consider it unclean. I am assuming that Brad is into bidets. After having read these, I am assuming that this guy is full of shit. There is no way they would let anyone get close enough to find out these intimate details.

[Sasha]

Lefsetz is actually Angie's Hoo Doo Guardian Priestess.

[sluce]

Wait til you see the proposal of my book on celebs.

[Trixie]

Well He might have picked up the toilet paper thing from the middle east. They also don't use it. They use their left hand, which is why it is considered insulting to use your left hand for anything else. They consider it unclean. I am assuming that Brad is into bidets. After having read these, I am assuming that this guy is full of shit. There is no way they would let anyone get close enough to find out these intimate details.

Brad's not from the middle east, he's from the Midwest, USA. We use toilet paper here, lol!!!

[*DIVA!]

Whoever believed all of this to give him a book deal, either needs to lose their job or recieve some kind of psychiatric help.

[Novice]

Apparently he has dish on others too like Nicole Kidman and some others.... but it seems to be Bradulina that are going hammer & tongs over this. I've seen nothing leaked about the others.

[Birdina]

Is it a coincidence that they just donated a million bucks to cancer children and released the story the SAME DAY that this came out?

And I think Lefsetz is a needle.

[rockNroll]

[Shinola]

Erm, I've known people at least this crazy. Actually, crazier. I have no idea whether any of it's true, but it doesn't sound all that far-fetched to me, not even necessarily the Brad-toilet-paper thing.

And I even think it's totally possible that someone living in the Brangelina household would find out this sort of stuff. I imagine that Angelina might be pretty dramatic IRL, as well as have weak boundaries and stuff; also, she might have reason to feel that her private life wouldn't be leaked to the media, just because she's got power.

"Lefsetz is a needle"--LMAO, Birdina.

[AliceInWonderland]

x 1,000,000,000,000,000 this is high-larious! i love it!