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Thread: Is this the mother of Keanu Reeves' children?

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    Default Is this the mother of Keanu Reeves' children?

    Friday, May 29th 2009
    Is This The Mother Of Keanu Reeves' Children?




    Well, the adorable baby friend in the corner does have Keanu Reeves' mange and overcast eyes, so it's possibly possible!
    This is 46-year-old Karen Sala of Barrie, Ontario in Canada. Karen swears on her collection of crack pipes that Keanu Reeves is the father of her four adult children. Karen is asking the courts to force Keanu to submit a sample of his dick butter, so the truth can finally be revealed.
    Krazy Karen claims she has known Keanu since she was 9 and he was 7. According to Krazy, she and Keanu busted nuts for years. Krazy and Keanu were even doing sessy times right before she got married to another dude. Krazy admits that she's a huge ho fo sho, so she's not exactly sure which one of her kids is related to Keanu. But she thinks one of her sons kind of looks like Keanu...... if you down a bottle of MD and do the Reeves squint (just imagine him trying to figure out what 17 minus 9 is) before looking at him.
    Krazy also adds that when her kids were little, Keanu and his family would buy them gifts.
    This is the best part of this whole thing. Krazy's kids are aged 20 to 25 and she's never been married to Keanu, but she still wants child AND spousal support! Krazy is asking for $150,000 per month, retroactive to June 1988, as well as $3 million per month in spousal support retroactive to November 2006. Why do I suspect that this whole plan was born during a 12-hour binge under a bridge somewhere after Krazy watched Johnny Mnemonic in the kitchen of her dealer's house.
    Keanu's spokeswhore laughed until her pussy fell off and then released this statement: "Karen Sala's allegations are completely false and absurd. Mr. Reeves has no knowledge of who she is. Before you disparage my client and lend validity to this, there's clearly something wrong with someone who claims child support after all the kids have grown. I'm just pointing that out."
    SPOILER ALERT: Maury says....Keanu is not the father, but an 8-ball is. Okay, I need to stop! Is that the face of a woman who would tell a lie? Okay, it is, but you can't hate on Krazy for trying! The price of cigarettes has gone up!
    Source: The Star

    Posted by: Michael K
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member CornFlakegrl's Avatar
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    geezus.

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    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    Keanu's spokeswhore laughed until her pussy fell off
    LOL of the day
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    ^^
    i know! that's what prompted me to post this.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    It's so sad that crazy people like this can file a lawsuit against anyone.
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

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    Elite Member CornFlakegrl's Avatar
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    ^^ Quickest road to fame I guess.

    I'm going to call up my local news station and say Johnny Depp fathered my daughter.

    I'll be an international star by tomorrow.

    And by the time Johnny proves he's not the father (if he bothers at all), I'll have a show on TLC.

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    Elite Member cmmdee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CornFlakegrl View Post
    I'm going to call up my local news station and say Johnny Depp fathered my daughter.
    LOL.

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    Silver Member Popsicle's Avatar
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    it's pretty fucking disrespectful when you know the only kid Keanu had died at birth, and shortly after his ex fiance died too.

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    Elite Member kingcap72's Avatar
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    Spousal support for a non-marriage and child support from somebody who didn't father your children. A for effort, F for execution.

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    Elite Member FashionVictim's Avatar
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    Poor Keanu, he's had such tragedy in his life he doesn't need this shit
    "Cake is the language of love" - Dylan Moran

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    Gold Member Pippin69's Avatar
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    she's 46? I want a test to prove it.
    "Just because I walked into a turd supermarket doesn't mean I have to buy anything." - John Oliver

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    Elite Member Nevan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingcap72 View Post
    Spousal support for a non-marriage and child support from somebody who didn't father your children. A for effort, F for execution.
    Ditto.

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    Elite Member Kittylady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Popsicle View Post
    it's pretty fucking disrespectful when you know the only kid Keanu had died at birth, and shortly after his ex fiance died too.
    That was my first thought when I read the article too. Heartless, fucked up, crazy bitch.

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    And here I thought Keanu was gay.

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    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    She's from Canada, and I'm pretty sure Keanu isn't so there goes her entire theory. What a fruit loop!

    I hope she gets into trouble for backing up the court system and making everyone waste so much time and money on her ridiculous claims. $3 million a month for alimony???!! I guess she thinks Keanu's too stoned to disbelieve her and that he'll actually write a check.
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

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