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Thread: McMansion hell

  1. #1
    Elite Member azoria's Avatar
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    Default McMansion hell

    This whole website is a scream, I'll just post a few teasers. Go check it out for yourself.
    Worst of McMansions


    Montville Township, NJ

    Today’s certified dank ™ McMansion is in Montville Township, NJ. It has 6 bedrooms, 7 full baths (2 half baths), and a 4 car garage. This lovely home, built in 2004 can be yours for the low price of$2,250,000.
    Obviously a house with that price tag has to be of incredible quality, with impeccable architecture, constructed from only the finest of materials.



    Never mind, it’s this clusterfuck. If David Koresh were into McMansions, this would totally be his jam.



    The inside of this house looks like the inside of a boat. I’m not kidding, just see for yourself



    On to the kitchen, which somehow came out of an Ikea catalog from 1995:








    This week’s Certified Dank McMansion of the Week™ comes to us from the town of Flower Mound, TX, which is a surprisingly euphemistic name for a small town in a heavily conservative state.
    Obviously, the builders took the name of the town to heart when designing this house - and not the “Flower” part either.




    This lovely 6,390 sqft 4bd, 4.5ba estate (realtors love that word) built in 1994 is currently selling for$829,900. All of those fun exterior details are actually made in a factory from injected foam, painted, and then glued onto houses like this one. They don’t even attempt looking like real stone, preferring to go with a smooth, blinding white.






    The “Great” Room












    That stove combo has to win some sort of McMansion Razzie award for “Worst Kitchen Decision” but I don’t want to jump the gun too soon, y’know?


    The Master Bedroom











    Now, there is a reason your peers have not used the prairie (sometimes called the ribbon) window. Your peers seem to be aware of the fact that they are currently living in California and not the Midwest. They may also, perhaps unintentionally, be aware of the fact that Prairie-style windows do not belong on their Pseudo-Mediterranean Tract Houses®, as there are no prairies in the Mediterranean.




    I firmly believe that this 4 bed/5.5 bath house, built in 1999 and currently on the market for$1,695,000 would be, although ugly, completely forgettable if it weren’t for those stupid, stupid prairie windows. Because of those windows, this house now personally offends me. Seriously, I searched through pages of real estate listings, eyes glazed over, and this house literally made me say out loud in the real world: “Aw HELL naw.”
    So, without further ado, let’s start our lovely tour with:
    The (obligatory 2-story) Entryway





    The Dining Room














    The Master Bedroom





    Bathroom No. 2



    More bad McMansioning here:
    Worst of McMansions
    Last edited by azoria; September 10th, 2016 at 09:09 PM.

  2. #2
    Elite Member HWBL's Avatar
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    LOL love it. Of course the absolute champions of McMansion hell are the late Aaron Spelling and Trump. Alll proof money just cannot buy taste.
    panic and HeartShapedBox like this.
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    Elite Member BITTER's Avatar
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    They all look like they are a bitch to keep clean.
    louiswinthorpe111 likes this.
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    Imagine all the materials wasted to create such shit. It's really depressing.
    HWBL likes this.

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    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    I adore this site and its analysis of these atrocities. It perfectly articulates everything I feel on a gut level when I drive up Riverside Drive.
    Waterslide and sputnik like this.

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."

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    Elite Member HWBL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brah View Post
    Imagine all the materials wasted to create such shit. It's really depressing.
    It's the obscenity that goes with owning too much money.
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    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by twitchy2.0 View Post
    I adore this site and its analysis of these atrocities. It perfectly articulates everything I feel on a gut level when I drive up Riverside Drive.
    I read through the site last night and I was overjoyed to discover there are technical terms for all the things I hate on houses! I want to print the whole blog and keep it in my car as reference and start my own ugly houses tour group.

    There was one especially atrocious house toward the beginning, so it took me a while to get to it. I don't know if I can copy it here, but this is the link:

    Worst of McMansions — I’m gonna need two posts for this masterpiece. 101...

    There was a bedroom that I think might have been tie-dyed? Or something? And there was a vent directly over the bed and "Tuscan" things and colors that were not meant to go together and it's really evil. Like horror movie evil.
    Gross, put it away. You could dress beautifully but you gotta be Miss Granny Panty Whore.
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