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Thread: A nice sleazy real estate to the stars site (blog)

  1. #1
    Elite Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    The Edge of the Annex

    Default A nice sleazy real estate to the stars site (blog)

    The Real Estalker

    Well this is fun!

    TUESDAY, APRIL 14, 2009

    Is Madge Moving On Up To the East Side?

    BUYER: Madonna (allegedly)
    LOCATION: E. 81st Street, New York, NY
    PRICE: $42,000,000 (asking)
    SIZE: 12,000 square feet (approx.) 13 bedrooms, 12+ bathrooms
    DESCRIPTION: Reminiscent of a London townhouse, this 26-room classic Georgian residence is notable for its extraordinary 57-foot width, making it one of the widest houses on the Upper East side, its 3000 sq. ft. garden bordered by tall trees, rhododendron and roses, and its double-car garage, another Upper East Side rarity. The 4-story townhouse has approximately 12,000 sq. ft. above grade, and offers a 38' by 22' drawing room with tall south windows overlooking the garden, a paneled dining room off the garden terrace, intimate library, 13 bedrooms, 11' ceilings, 9 fireplaces, Georgian staircase, elevator, and future rooftop garden.

    YOUR MAMAS NOTES: According to the New York Post, the real estate krazy Kaballah Kween is scooping up a big krib in Manhattan and it's a $40,000,000 doozy. The Upper East Side double wide townhouse stands four stories above ground on an expensive but undistinguished block of East 81st Street, an area catty brokers sometimes call the "Far East" due to its location on the wrong side of Lexington Avenue. (That's east of Lexington Ave. for the those ignorant to the snobby nuances of Upper East Side real estate).

    Anyhoo, the 26-room Georgian style townhouse is currently owned by the estate of a deceased ladee named Louise Saurel who was clearly a very rich woman but about whom Your Mama has almost no information. The approximately 12,000 square foot house was listed back in October of 2008 when it dropped on to the market a knee buckling asking price of $45,000,000. That huge figure was lowered sometime after the first of the year to a still staggering $42,000,000.

    All rumors and reports say that Miz Madonna will be paying in the forty million clam range, which is a bit reckless when considering that no single townhouse has ever traded in the immediate neighborhood for more than twenty million dollars. Plus, according to tattle tales who have been inside the house, the nearby Lexington Avenue subway line can be felt and heard as it rumbles through the tunnels, an unfortunate auditory issue we imagine will cost Miz Madonna a fortune to remedy.

    According to the floor plan provided with the listing, the property is essentially two adjacent but separate townhouses. Altogether we count 13 bedrooms, 12 full bathrooms and 2 more half bathrooms, 9 fireplaces, 2 kitchens with 3 pantries, 2 laundry rooms, 2 entrances, 1 elevator and 2 dumbwaiters, at least 36 closets and an exceedingly rare private 2-car garage with direct access to the interior spaces.

    Other dee-luxe, super star friendly features include a 836 square foot drawing room that stretches 38 feet long, a couple more sitting and living rooms, two libraries, two dining rooms, 2 Butler's pantries, a wine cellar/grotto in the basement, a 3,000 square foot garden at the back and a plans for adding rooftop garden. All in all, there should be plenty of room for Miz Madonna, her growing litter of multi-cultural children and whatever staff dares to live-in with the allegedly demanding diva.

    The layout, while commodious by any standards, is a bit awkward and will likely require a few million more to de-grandma the interiors and bring it up to Miz Madonna's hyper-exacting standards. Presumably, a large chuck of square footage will be devoted to a home gym set up where the exercise maniac can get her sweat on and Your Mama also imagines that the luxe-luvin' ladee is going to have to do something about the lack of a proper master suite. If she were to ring up and ask Your Mama–which, of course, she will not–we'd recommend devoting all or most of the third floor to Miz Madge's private quarters.

    One option, as we've presumptuously and crudely illustrated below, might be to use the two rear bedrooms on the third floor for a private sitting room and separate bedroom, incorporate the front bedrooms into a boo-dwar and master bathroom plus a smaller second pooper for whatever man Madge might be entertaining and stringing along. We've added a small kitchenette flanking the dumbwaiter in the master suite and we've joined the two sides of the townhouse in order to utilized the other side as the private gym space which includes a fireplace and dressing area for where Gwynnie can keep her street clothes when she comes by for Pilates and egg whites.
    Never one to do things on a small scale, The NY Post article snitched that Miz Madonna is also hunting for an equestrian property to purchase in either Westchester County Long Island. But Madonna's real estate madness does not end there because she's reportedly making noise about moving to the African country of Malawi in order to establish honest to goodness residency so that she'll be allowed to adopt another Malawian bambino named Mercy.

    Miz Madonna already owns a trio of apartments in the Harperley Hall over on Central Park West–where she recently did battle with the board in order to purchase third apartment to the two she already had. As far as we know, Miz Madge still owns her two twin townhouses in London (although it's possible Mister ex-Madonna got one or both in the dee-vorce) and a private pad on a pretty and posh part of Sunset Boulevard in Beverly Hills. What else? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

    Although listing information currently shows the property is "Under Contract," until her spokes ladee, the tough talking Liz Rosenberg, confirms or denies the purchase we'll have to call all this bizness and brouhaha about Miz Madonna forking over forty million bucks for a new house idle chatter and unsubstantiated gossip. Got that children? It's just a rumor at this point so don't go talking about this like it's gospel.

  2. #2
    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Exchanging glances with the cunty bitches


    Sorry, but that home is not worth $42 million. It's gorgeous though.
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

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