Depression

[Honey]

Untreatable is how I feel atm I think

I don't know how to like myself, that is very hard, and mainly why I harm.

Blah blah I'm so boring and selfish for writing about myself.

"Baby cuddler" made me laugh, coz it just sounded funny

I have a dry mouth a lot, but do take take of my teeth. I also grind my teeth (bruxism) which I think is a side effect too, very weird!

What if it takes me 10 years to be ok? This scares me a lot

[hellkitty]

Honey, I will validate what you are feeling right now, how you feel that you're untreatable because this is all very true to you at this moment. Now that we've acknowledged this feeling, you need to seriously look within yourself (I know this is hard) and figure out realistic ways of digging out of this hole. Do you have a journal? Write your thoughts out even though they may be scary or unpleasant. Don't feel like you need to make a giant leap forth, take baby steps if you must. It's all right to go from feeling shittiest to mere shitty. This is the nature of the beast we call depression.

I know that when people tell you that things will get better, sometimes it makes you feel even worse for not believing them and beat up on yourself even more. But here goes, it does get better, you see I used to cut myself too when I was in high school and into my first years at art school and then university. I still have faint scars on my left forearm not visible to others unless they come close and really look for them. I did it to feel physical pain because the emotional pain was too great. Is that why you do it? Write down the reasons why you do it, then go back and read it when you are in a more stable mood. Then write down substitute ways to express your emotions/ sadness.

Don't think in such long terms as 10 years. Concentrate on the near future and what you can and should do to help yourself. I got out of the cutting abuse not overnight but gradually, with professional counseling and self actualization put into use, but I won't lie to you and say it was easy. I still have dark moments but the thought of self harm doesn't even enter my mind. There is hope and you will be get out of this, believe me, you just have to take baby steps and accept setbacks should they come your way.

[crackho]

Originally Posted by Beeyotch

Oh, yes Honey. And even more if the doctor is fancier/has a good reputation.
You know our health care system here sucks donkey balls.

I just paid $300 for the initial consultation/one hour visit with a psychiatrist (I go to a therapist every week) to get a medication evaluation. I told him I was a recovering addict and that stimulants were my drug of choice, and he still wanted to give me a stimulant-based ADHD medication. As much as part of my wanted a prescription for adderall, I knew better and said as much. He decided that maybe it wasn't such a good idea when I explained that putting a stimulant in my body is like giving an alcoholic a drink, even if I do take it only as prescribed. He did up my wellbutrin though, and I think its working rather well.

Honey, hang in there and don't give up - just when we don't think we can take it anymore, it gets better. Sometimes, the best I can do is act is if I'm actually a normal, happy person, with the hope that it will eventually happen.

[Mabel]

Originally Posted by Honey

Untreatable is how I feel atm I think

I don't know how to like myself, that is very hard, and mainly why I harm.

Blah blah I'm so boring and selfish for writing about myself.

"Baby cuddler" made me laugh, coz it just sounded funny

I have a dry mouth a lot, but do take take of my teeth. I also grind my teeth (bruxism) which I think is a side effect too, very weird!

What if it takes me 10 years to be ok? This scares me a lot

Dear, sweet, Honey, YOU ARE TREATABLE. You may just need a tweek in your meds. Today just may have been a bad day. I once felt my depression was untreatable too. I have felt like this many times. I ALWAYS get better. My guess from reading your posts is that you are highly sensitive. You are also a good person. We all need to find ways to be gentler with ourselves. We are often our own worst critic and worst enemy. Look at how many people like you on this board. We all know you are worthy and likeable even if you do not know yourself. It amazes me how many good, kind people feel unworthy. Please call your doctor and tell him/her about your self harming. Seek help. You deserve to feel better. YOU ARE GOOD. Be gentle with yourself. You are not going to suddenly adore yourself overnight but try to write down your feelings. Try reading affirmations. Try meditating. It will take time but I KNOW you will get better. Remember "this too shall pass." Hang on. We all care, sweet girl. We will all be here if you need someone to talk to. You will make progress. Don't give up. Remember my little polar bear is here if you need a smile.

[crackho]

Originally Posted by McJag

Honey, I just saw an interesting TV show on giving & they took 7 people-just ordinary people-gave them a test first & found they felt at peace with themselves not much. Then they sent all 7 out to do volunteer work with the homeless or children-reading ,etc. Then they re tested and ALL of the were far more at peace & had gotten much more out than they put in! This is a cheap simple alternative,surely! Just call up & volunteer -just try it, Honey! You have so much to offer and you are only half way through your life!!

That is a very good suggestion and it works for me everytime. Its really hard to feel bad about yourself when you are helping someone else. When I first got a sponsor in AA he would tell me that for 30 days I had to do something nice for someone and not tell them I did it. I put a lot of quarters in parking meters that were about to expire. He said, "if you want to have self esteem, you need to do esteemable things".

[JamieElizabeth]

How old are you, Honey?

I'm 28. I suffer with mild depression. Mostly, it's because I feel let down. Nothing ever seems consistent. Sometimes any little thing can make me feel 'down'.

Surely, some days have to be better for you than others? I know, though, that it can some times it can feel like months or even years for 1 good day.

[DitaPage*]

Awww honey i know exactly what you're going through. I just nod my head at everything I'm reading. I wish I could help, but I need the same advice you do.

I hate myself also. I feel like i cant even be bothered with me anymore. I keep thinking the only reason i'm here is because i haven't got what it 'takes' to kill myself. But if someone gave me a pill that make me go to sleep and never wake up I'd take it. I have sleeping tablets from the Dr. but my mum took them off me. When i was cutting, she hid all the knives in the house, and my razor blades. Now i hate the marks on my skin. And the scary thing for me is I dont even care about dying. I'm at the point where I envy the dead. As soon as i feel good, the next minute I can be a hundred times worse. I'm sick of it.


I wish I had more to say.... but just remember that you're very loved here.

[Honey]

Thanks all <3

I am 24 by the way, I guess I am just having a shitty time atm, I hope it passes.

And I hope you all are ok too xxxxxxx

[DitaPage*]

I'm starting a new planet- only good people and all dogs allowed.

[Gen X EJC]

Know what you guys mean, my mood has been all over the place lately. I'm trying to work on finding things that make me content and calm.

[Honey]

Something cute to make us smile



Honey the pup

From dailypuppy.com

[JamieElizabeth]

^The pups named Honey? That's cute!

[AliceInWonderland]

YEAH OUR age is hard Honey; its right after the best years of our lives and in a "now what?" sort of stage. You'll be ok, but try to get help.

[VenusInFauxFurs]

My mood is all over the place. I feel almost alien in my own body. *cue X-Files theme music and bring me Fox Mulder stat!*

I think I cried for the bulk of the weekend. Bah, this sucks.

[AliceInWonderland]

i do too today, but i think thats the moon and my period starting and stuff....

TMI!